Author: Jin Shanyue, the main creative group
On the Internet, a passage from blogger @Mr. Wu resonated with countless parents.
He analyzed the current situation of education: "On the one hand, the burden is reduced, and the difficulty of the examination is increased, while the scores are not allowed to be published, and on the other hand, the admission is based on the scores, and on the other hand, the emphasis on less homework and the other hand allows children to learn more, and on the other hand, the school time is required to be no more than 8 hours, and on the other hand, the two-period delay ...... is implemented."
Think about it, this is really the case, the society says that children cannot be deprived of childhood, experts say that the company of parents is the most important, the education sector advocates quality education, and the reality forces people to become "volume kings".
As a result, in the matter of learning, parents either voluntarily or forcibly "show their powers".
If you have the conditions, you can enroll your children in all kinds of tutoring classes, and if you don't have the conditions, you will keep an eye on your children's learning, and everyone will not dare to relax for a moment.
In this kind of "continuous rotation" life, parents are getting more and more tired, more tired and more confused, and they are all complaining.
And what about the kids? It's no better.
They don't have time to catch their breath, and even rest is a luxury, let alone curiosity and creativity.
A study from Stanford University has confirmed that continuous busyness beyond the limit is often counterproductive.
Under high-pressure life, people are like tight springs, and their bodies and minds have no toughness, and they are easy to collapse.
We all understand the truth, but it's a pity that when it comes to specific things, we can't get rid of the inherent inertia at all.
Excessive chicken baby
It's not just the child's time that is being deprived
Two days ago, I met a boy from my neighbor's house who was in high school, and I saw him hanging his head and listless.
I asked with concern, "I'm in high school, do I have a lot of homework at school?"
The child shook his head helplessly and said, "The teacher is okay, but my mother has arranged too many things for me." Every night after finishing my homework, I have to take online classes that my mother bought, and I have to go to three interest classes on weekends, thinking, programming, and English, which makes me busier than school. ”
Looking at the child like this, I can't help but think of a sentence: "The way to hurt a child is very simple, it is to force him to study all the time." ”
Because they are afraid that their children will fall behind, parents begin to race against time and frantically squeeze their children's time, hoping that they will absorb all kinds of knowledge to the greatest extent. However, this kind of excessive physical consumption and overdraft of energy can easily make children fall into inefficiency and diligence, and even have psychological problems.
On Douyin, a mother tearfully talked about the process of her child's depression.
Her daughter has been well-behaved and sensible since she was a child, and she arranges for any child to do the same. Since she was in elementary school, she has been working hard to help her children make plans. In addition to studying middle and high school courses in advance, the children were enrolled in several courses, covering basic subjects, plus painting, physical and eloquence performances.
At first, her daughter did lead all the way, and she was among the best in the second year of junior high school, but in the year of the high school entrance examination, her daughter frequently had physical problems, first stomach pain and insomnia, and then intermittent numbness in the hands and feet, headache and tinnitus.
She thought that the child was tired, but after going to several hospitals, she was sure that her daughter was suffering from depression. Seeing that the child was becoming more and more decadent, she had to suspend her daughter's school, and she said to netizens in despair: "I planned everything for the child, but she doesn't want to live anymore." ”
In fact, many people have reminded parents all along:
Why does your child score more than 290 points in three major subjects in primary school, but his grades drop off a cliff in middle and high school?
Why does your child always be obedient, but when he reaches adolescence, he skates school?
Why do children who were originally sunny and cheerful become negative and decadent?
The reason for this is probably your over-arrangement of your children.
After all, "if a child has no entertainment, no freedom, only unstoppable learning and ungotten rid of pressure, then it is not only the child's health that is consumed, but also the vitality of life." ”
Excessive chicken babies seem to deprive children of time, but in fact, what damages them is the child's innate energy.
Liu Qing, a professor at Peking University, said: Involution comes at a price.
The result of the chicken baby was not to send the child to a prestigious school, but to the hospital.
Anxious baby raising, blind rushing, and saturated learning can only raise children into an empty learning machine.
They don't have time to think about their ideals, they are not interested in planning their future, and they don't have the energy to manage their lives.
Zhang Meiling, an expert in the cognitive field, said: Education needs to be "blank", and parents need to let go.
In a relaxed life, children have time to imagine and think, and have the opportunity to practice through trial and error.
Growing up requires self-awareness, and only by exploring one's own choices can one develop a resilient and independent personality.
Eligible parents
They all know how to "leave blank" for their children's lives
Brain scientist Daniel Siegel has proposed a concept - the open brain.
As a globally renowned MD, Daniel has extensive experience in adolescent counseling.
He found that those excellent children are not desperate to work hard, but people with open brains.
The open brain means that children know who they are, who they will become, and realize that they have the ability to overcome disappointment and frustration in order to make their own choices about a meaningful life.
This mode of thinking is not only conducive to learning, but also conducive to children's physical and mental health.
I agree with Mr. Wan Weigang's words: "The first people to reach the goal are those who do not take the wrong road." ”
And parents don't want to take the wrong path in education, so they must not fill their children's growth too much.
Do a good job of these 4 blank spaces to help children develop an open brain, so that he can have stamina for growth.
(1) Leave time blank
Have you noticed?
Some children race against time and stay up late to brush up on questions, but they can't learn;
And many top students don't make up classes or stay up late, and their grades are still far ahead.
Why is that?
Liu Jiasen, a graduate of Peking University, replied:
Xueba's fight is not a protracted battle, but self-management: through time management, to improve learning efficiency.
Just like himself, in the three years of Hengshui Middle School, he didn't stay up late for a day. Instead, I wake up at 5:30 every day, go to bed at 10:30, and rest for 1 hour at noon. Adequate sleep and rest can make him more engaged and focused in his studies.
"Parenting Choices" says that it is more conducive to allowing children to take a break, be in a daze or do something that parents find meaningless, which will be more conducive to their integration and understanding of various information.
Give your child back the time and allow them to rest or play within certain limits, so that they don't get scared of learning.
Whether living or studying, only by relaxing can people be full of energy and vitality.
(2) Blank space
Office workers like us have a deep understanding that staying in the cubicle every day will be very aggrieved.
Feeling so aggrieved that they are impetuous and inefficient, they can't help but paddle and fish or look forward to going out on the weekend.
If we adults are like this, we can imagine how tormented it is for children to stay at their desks day by day.
In addition to studying at school, I was nailed to my desk when I came home, and I didn't have time to go out to play on weekends, which was devastating to think about.
Some studies have pointed out that children who stay in a small space for a long time can easily become "giant babies" in life.
Being watched by parents 24 hours a day, and listening to arrangements for every move, children will unconsciously give up self-awareness.
Professor Li Meijin once appealed: Don't let your child stay at home to study all day long, otherwise his brain will be highly excited, the cerebellum will not be stimulated, and the brain nerves will not be excited, and he will be prone to psychological problems.
So, learn to leave space blank for your child.
He is allowed to go out of school and home, go outdoors, go to the beach, play football with his friends, and go shopping......
Raising children is like planting a tree, you must let them take root in their lives and receive the nourishment of sunshine and rain in order to thrive.
(3) Blank behavior
Luo Zhenyu once proposed an "educational paradox".
He asked parents: If there is money, do you want your children to go to expensive aristocratic schools, or do you go to mainstream public schools?
Many parents don't want to say that of course it is an aristocratic school, so that they can enjoy educational resources to the greatest extent.
But Luo Zhenyu said that it is definitely not possible to have no educational resources, but it is not okay to pile up too many educational resources and detach from real life.
In his opinion, the best education must not be far away from society.
To do this, children need to experience and practice.
In other words, parents should "leave blank" for their children in action and encourage them to experience it in reality.
For example, allow children to intern and work part-time during the winter and summer vacations, or participate in some activities of interest, or cooperate with classmates to complete a social experiment;
For example, allowing them to do one thing independently, even if it's just a small thing like buying groceries, cooking, or cleaning up the house, can also exercise children's hands-on skills.
Only when children have the right to dominate their actions can they form a "super circuit" and consolidate the knowledge they have learned with each action.
(4) Thought Reservation
On the Internet, many people make fun of Chinese parents.
Chinese parents tell their children that they are forced to practice the piano from an early age, but when they grow up, if you tell them that they want to make music, they will be scared half to death; Chinese parents let their children learn math from elementary school, but if you say that you want to be a mathematician in the future, he will immediately warn you that it is not easy to find a job if you do mathematics.
In children, parents are often conflicted. On the one hand, I want to expand my children's horizons and activate their thinking power, but on the other hand, when my children can really think independently and make decisions, they will do everything possible to stop them.
But at the end of the day, children are not our private property.
As the poet Gibran said: your children are not your children, they only come through you, and you can give them love, but never your thoughts, because they have their own minds.
If you want your children to grow up to be flesh and blood, don't raise them to be mental marionettes.
Encourage children to think, and more importantly, accept the results of their independent thinking.
In a speech, the well-known principal Li Xigui said:
"As a principal, when I see a child violating the law and discipline at school, I pretend not to see it and walk around. ”
Everyone wondered, shouldn't they stop it immediately?
President Li said that we should keep in mind that education is a closed-loop process.
Every child's growth must go through the complete process of "making mistakes, criticizing, praising - motivating, improving, consolidating - developing".
In this educational chain, each link should leave room for children to maneuver.
For example, if you make a mistake, you should give your child time to reflect, an opportunity to correct, and an opportunity to summarize, rather than punishing them as soon as they come up.
The same is true in learning, and it is also necessary to complete the closed loop in order to have good grades.
This requires us to "leave blank" in every aspect of learning.
Don't deprive children of time, can't help but restrain their steps, allow them to soar in a wider world, and allow them to imagine wildly.
In this way, we can give children inexhaustible love and energy.
Encourage parents and friends.