Visitor asks:Is it normal for a counselor to hug me?I have learned some basic counseling skills, and as a client myself, I have a great interest in the profession of psychological counseling. The current problems that I want to solve/or want to be seen are: the depressive state of occasional torment, and some self-awareness and the search for perfection. The current counselor is of the same sex as me. I've always been aware of the counseling setting, and I've made it clear that many people are against physical contact between counsellors and clients. Perhaps I was still skeptical about the ability of the current counselor, but at the end of this session (which is the last consultation so far), I asked, "Is it okay for a counselor to hug a client..." The reply was: "There is no such thing as a rule that must exist... "Some actions are also allowed if it is determined that there is no clear empathy and that there is no danger. "Nothing is necessarily okay or must not. ” I was still skeptical, but after thinking about it for a while, I finally hugged the counselor before the end of the consultation. For fear of being recognized, the details of the hugging process will not be repeated. This is the end of the consultation after the hug. After thinking about it carefully, I didn't really want to, and didn't seem to actually get satisfaction from, hugging, and the information that hugging gave me was more about the counselor - the way the hug was held, the smell, the height and touch... Even the measurements... and other physical information, and allude to a hint of personal character traits. Maybe my "motivation" exists in an angle that I'm not aware of, but maybe I'm really just testing the counselor's response to the question, and that's what the counselor is responding. After the hug, I was asked how I felt, and I replied, "To tell you the truth, I'm already thinking about whether I can continue with the consultation in the future..." Anyway. After saying goodbye, I walked out of the counseling room. But from the counselor's point of view, is this kind of "hugging" behavior normal? |
Beijing Heart Love Psychological Counselor answers:
Often, the counselor is less likely to embrace the client.
If the counselor does not view hugging the client as a severe countertransference, the best understanding is to use a controversial and high-risk therapeutic technique, modified affective experience or limited re-parenting, in which the intent is to act as a past figure of the client, to the point of physical contact to meet the client's severely lost self-object needs (e.g., hugging, touching, etc.).
Even if the counselor's case conceptualization is accurate, it may still cause the client to be severely regressive and dependent, thus breaking through the boundary between the client's reality and imagination, and losing the symbolic satisfaction characteristics of psychological counseling, that is, the characteristics of "as if" and "as if". For example, the counselor may be a parent, lover and/or partner, compatriot of the client.
Unless the client's self-function is extremely weakened, like a baby waiting to be fed, without any people or relationships to rely on in life, and without the physical hug and touch of the counselor, the counselor can lend his or her own functions to the client and treat the client as if he were a new baby, and such a client is usually characterized by severe mental retardation. It is extremely rare in ordinary hospital outpatient clinics and business consulting institutions.
The counselor can verbally express the client's desire for touch, hug, and intimacy, but if he or she embraces him directly, he or she really treats himself as the client's parents, lovers, etc., which is a serious concrete action. And hugging is something that is left to others in the client's life, not the counselor.
Further, it is more appropriate for the client to cuddle with a teddy bear while sleeping and to experience and feel it than for the counsellor to take it into the initiative.
If the counselor's conceptualization of the case is not accurate or thinks it is accurate, then it is very likely to ignore the severe transference and countertransference, which may be multiple and mixed, for example, the mixture of empathy such as dependence, lust, control, etc., and the rash hugging without analyzing the client's motivation for asking for hugging will inevitably lead to ineffective and chaotic treatment, and even the counselor's subconscious deprivation of the client in order to meet the needs.
Coming back to the topic of your counselor hugging you, judging by your hindsight reaction, her choice to hug you is definitely inappropriate.
What's inappropriate is that she completely neglects to explore your motivation for asking for a hug, and instead mechanically answers your questions on a realistic level (the point itself isn't too problematic) and self-righteously satisfies you.
To put it simply, she fell for the "dang" of your psychological defenses, and did not explore the way you tested her to express your distrust of her, which is the core problem of your relationship.
The appropriate way to work is for the counsellor to gently explore why you are asking this question and asking for a hug, until your hidden motives come to light, or make you realize that you are putting her in an awkward situation where she is not satisfying with whether she hugs you or not, then the problem returns to your own core conflict, the counsellor is on the right track, you can gain your real trust, and the treatment will quietly work.
- Teacher Yuan