One evening, Erbao asked me to ask her little friend Xiaomo if she was at home and if she had finished her homework.
I know that Erbao wants to go to Xiaomo's house to play.
I don't want to ask, I only had one day off that weekend, and Erbao's own homework hasn't been finished yet, so I guess Xiaomo's homework shouldn't have been finished either. And it's almost time for dinner, so it's really not the right time.
Erbao said that she could go to Xiaomo's house with her homework, both to write homework and to play.
Why don't I believe it, Xiaomo's mother also said that anyone who comes to Xiaomo under the banner of doing homework, Xiaomo only cares about playing, and doesn't care about doing homework.
But I can't directly refuse Erbao's request, I still have to ask.
As I expected, on the day of the holiday, Xiaomo was also very busy. Mo's mother said that in the morning, Xiaomo slept lazily, ate a meal later than breakfast and earlier than lunch outside, and then went to the antique market to pick up cigarette boxes (Xiaomo has been obsessed with cigarette cards recently), and it was more than 11 o'clock when he got home. In the afternoon, Mo's mother took him to the hospital to get medicine, and it was almost four o'clock when he got home, and Xiaomo began to write his homework.
As soon as I listened to Mo's mother's words, I knew that Erbao couldn't play with Xiaomo this time. In fact, even if Mo's mother agrees, I won't let Erbao go to someone's house, after all, it's really almost time to eat, and it's not appropriate to go to someone's house.
I persuaded Erbao, but she was so unhappy that she almost burst into tears.
Erbao sometimes insisted on going to Xiaomo's house to play, and I only later figured out why.
Because in Xiaomo's house, or in my house, Erbao can play alone with Xiaomo, if in the community square, Xiaomo often runs around with his boys and friends, and doesn't play with her for a while.
In recent years, children have grown up, and the games that boys love to play and the games that girls love to play are different after all, I understand.
I was depressed about Erbao before, and I felt a little guilty, thinking that I didn't do my best to find a partner of the same age for her when she was a child, unlike Dabao's childhood, I met several mothers, and most of their children were of the same age as Dabao, so Dabao got to know several friends, and several children grew up together, and they still play together from time to time.
Speaking of which, I thought about it later, and I don't really blame it. The child is a natural diplomat, and Dabao is our first child, when she was a child, when I carried her out, I naturally had a topic with the aunts and mothers in the community. After coming and going, I got to know several mothers, and we are still good friends.
When I got to Erbao, although the few Bao Ma friends I mentioned earlier also gave birth to a second child, the children's ages are different, and the gender is also male and female, and the little girl of the same age as Erbao has not, and the two girl friends she is familiar with (both are one year younger than her), one moved to another city to go to school, and the other moved out of our community, so Erbao's familiar friends are only Xiaomo.
I once thought that I didn't try my best to find a little girl of the same age for Erbao, so Erbao didn't have a girl friend at the moment.
But in the past two years, I have figured it out, why take all the blame on myself, why bother to consume myself, it's not all my fault.
After all, there has been a gap of five and a half years between the sisters, and in these five or more years, the environment has changed, the people have changed, and many have changed.
When Erbao was a child, it was when Dabao was in kindergarten and first grade, and the focus of my life in those two years was naturally more on Dabao, and I really didn't have the time or energy to think about Erbao's socialization.
I remember that Erbao was particularly difficult to carry for a while, and there were a few times when I had to hold her when I was stir-frying, which made me very devastated.
I'm an introvert, and having a few good friends around me is enough for me, and I don't want to have the energy or energy to make other friends.
After thinking about these things clearly, I will not have internal friction.
The secret of middle-aged mothers to maintain emotional stability is to consume themselves less internally and find other people's problems.
Erbao's personality is also a bit introverted, but she is not alone. At school, she has classmates who can play, and in the community, she also has girl friends other than Xiaomo, just because they don't often play together after school. At present, Erbao is an emotionally stable and well-planned child, and I believe that she will not be bad in terms of socialization in the future, and her close friends will also have it.
After not exhausting myself, my emotions are much more stable and my life is much more comfortable.
The results of Dabao's midterm exam have come down, and there are joys and worries, and there are more worries, but I don't care much about it.
After all, learning is a treasure business, and I am not primarily responsible. And, I thought I hadn't done anything wrong, and I had done my best.
What should be said, in fact, I have said less and less, because Dabao will be annoying.
What should be done, in fact, I didn't do much, because Dabao didn't like me to interfere in her studies.
So after two years of running-in, for Dabao's learning, my positioning is to do a good job in logistics support, encourage her more, affirm her more, and pull her when she needs it.
Once, seeing that her grades were not up or down, I was anxious and blamed myself for not helping her. And when I wanted to help her, she didn't appreciate it, but had an unpleasant relationship with me. I then reflected on whether I was doing something wrong, and how to activate her internal drive.
Thinking about it like this, I was in a hurry to get angry, and I was very hungry internally.
Later, when I read "PET Parental Effectiveness", it was clear to me that there are many parents who take responsibility for what should be their children, and even if they are in pain, they should encourage their children to solve problems on their own.
Yes, studying is a big treasure's business, and wanting to improve her grades is what she has to do, why am I more anxious than her, and even rush to the front, eager to take the responsibility?
Thinking about this, I stopped meddling in Dabao's study, I told her that learning was her responsibility, and she was not studying for us.
Dabao's grades have dropped, is it because the knowledge points are not clear, or is it careless when doing the questions? Is it because the steps to solve the problems are not written carefully, or is there not enough time? In short, Dabao is the key to find the problem by himself, and I don't need to blame myself for it.
When people reach middle age, they have nothing to do and consume themselves, distinguish responsibilities, and find other people's problems.
In this way, the old mother can continue to walk with her child in the ocean of knowledge.