Many people say that to raise boys, you have to raise girls, and you have to be rich. Is this the right approach? Is it scientific? Does it lead children down the wrong path? According to statistics, the mortality rate of boys aged 15 and under is three times higher than that of girls. Parents are fundamentally different in how they guide their children as boys and girls grow up. Why do you do your best to raise your son, but he doesn't respect you? Because you can't raise a boy by the means of raising a girl, let alone be poor.
Source: Baidu
Difference Between Boys and Girls
Medically, there is a hormone called testosterone, which is the main part of the male hormone. It can be said that about 80% or 90% of male hormones are testosterone, and this testosterone determines the most fundamental difference between men and women.
And the level of this hormone has a lot to do with the state of the mother in the state of pregnancy, if the mother is under a lot of pressure in the state of pregnancy, then the testosterone secreted by the child is likely to decline, and there may be homosexuality and abnormal physical development.
Source: Baidu Encyclopedia
For the smooth birth of a baby boy, it is very important to maintain health during pregnancy. The first thing is to be in a good mood. You can't lose your temper and be irritable at every turn because of small mistakes. Fathers-to-be should also create a comfortable environment for their wives to raise their children, starting from the first month of pregnancy, and secondly, pay attention to a healthy diet. As the saying goes, "sour and spicy girls" is not entirely correct, pregnant mothers should pay attention to a healthy diet, balanced nutrition, fruit matching, can not always eat hot pot, barbecue, stir-fry and other greasy and fishy food, whether it is for themselves or the fetus, it is very harmful.
There are three stages of boy development
So after the birth of a boy, what should parents pay attention to at each stage of his growth? We can divide the boy's growth stage into three parts.
Stage 1 from birth to six years of age
During the tender period between the ages of zero and six, the difference between boys and girls begins to appear. Boys may be more anxious about separation, such as when they send their child to kindergarten or nursery, they are more reluctant, anxious, and react more intensely. Because the boy is particularly sensitive to the need for a safe environment at this stage, it is important for him to be guided and cared for by adults. But that doesn't mean you have to spoil him, and it doesn't mean that you have to hold him all the time. For example, a girl is happier when she gets a physical caress from her parents, but a boy is very normal, he can be touched physically, but he can't get it, and it doesn't matter.
Therefore, it is recommended that parents can pay attention to the following points to cultivate their children at this stage -
First, it is not advisable to send boys to nursery too early. It is necessary to pay attention to the separation anxiety of boys, and it is not advisable to send children to nursery schools early in order to forcibly exercise their ability to be independent. Otherwise, it is easy for children to develop a character that is not close enough to their parents and does not trust them enough.
Second, have the right caregivers. It is a very common phenomenon in China for parents to go out to work and leave their children in the care of the elderly. It's not that this behavior is unreasonable, but it is a last resort for the sake of life. Caring for children by the elderly has another common denominator. Either they are particularly spoiled or they are particularly harsh on their children.
Take my personal experience as an example, I have seen in the community, a little boy wants to swing, grandma is very distressed, do not swing, the little boy soft grinding hard bubbles, finally able to swing, a few times and fell again (the bottom is a bunker he was not injured), at this time grandma's attitude suddenly changed, scolded the little boy loudly, said that you will not play for a long time and want to play or something like that.
Do you think this grandmother's behavior is right? If you think about your own surroundings, is this phenomenon particularly common?
A very bad consequence of this behavior is that if the child is subjected to various "abuses" at this stage, or scolding and objecting, it destroys the child's "safe environment", and it is easy for the child to develop a disconfident character, and they will gradually reduce communication with others, because they are afraid of being opposed and reprimanded. In the long run, children will gradually become unable to listen to other people's words, such as children pretending not to hear you talking and doing things, doing things their own way, refusing to react, etc., which are all manifestations of their attempts to create a sense of security for themselves. At this time, parents will think that the child is a "donkey" and wonder why the child is not obedient no matter what he says, so he scolds him even more fiercely, and this forms a vicious circle.
Third, full love and care. How to break this vicious circle? The elderly do not know how to take care of children because they have limited education, do not know how to relax moderately, and do not understand the importance of letting children boldly explore the world and not be afraid. In their time, it was a habit to save food, obey the rules, and value labor. The parents of the children should also understand the elderly, and do not blame the elderly for not taking care of the children.
In fact, with the change of the times, parents of the current era pay more and more attention to taking children in person, in fact, whether it is the parents of the elderly, or ask a nanny to bring, the most important thing is to be full of love for children, encourage sex education children, rather than protective closed beating and scolding education children.
Just remember one speaking formula: calming emotions + encouraging/admonishing behavior + anticipation of the unknown. For example, when faced with a child who is worried about a sports injury, he will blurt out "Why did you break your knee again?" and why did you not let us worry about it and annoyed us to death. "Mom knows that you like swinging, and it's normal to fall, but do you have to pay attention to protecting yourself when playing, Mom and Dad will be sad, the baby will feel pain, and the children around you will be afraid, isn't it? "Think about it, is the latter more likely to get positive feedback from children?
It is also necessary to help them understand the world correctly, learn and distinguish the meaning of various emotions. What is praise, what is happy, what is anger, why is it sad, and the habit of recognizing emotions and giving correct responses will benefit children for life.
Stage 2 from the age of six to thirteen
At this stage, the boy's gender consciousness grows, and he begins to try to become "a man". Many people may not quite understand what it means to be a man. In fact, it is at this stage that boys begin to learn and imitate, through imitation learning of people and things around them, which is also a stage for children to gradually improve their own cognition and improve their understanding of men. Therefore, why children begin to go to primary school at this stage is also the collective learning of the society through the school, which helps children grow and establish a sound and correct three views.
This does not mean that parents just dump their children at school and don't care about anything themselves. For boys at this stage, the role of the father in the family begins to come to the fore. Because as an object of imitation and learning, dad is the "mentor" that boys have the most contact with and are closest to.
At this stage, whether the father's performance can play a role model and idol for the child has a profound impact on the child's future behavior. For example, we will see this kind of news, "A 10-year-old boy openly slaps his mother at a convenience store". Isn't it incredible? Think about it, who can children learn from in their daily lives the behavior of slapping their mothers? Is it because of the father's disrespect and physical scolding of the mother, the mother is obedient, and the child who sees all this in her eyes also learns in a good way?
The child's imitation of the father's bad habits is one thing. On the other hand, because of gender awareness, children gradually have a "sense of distance" from their mothers, and if there is no guidance from their fathers as mentors, children will develop poor self-discipline for a long time, and they will have the bad habit of being urged by others to do everything, so they like to desert, like to play games, and cannot correctly restrain themselves when to do what they should do and do the right things.
Everyone is familiar with "Dream of Red Mansions", in which the male protagonist Jia Baoyu is a boy who grew up in his daughter's gentle township, many people may think that Jia Baoyu respects women and is a good boy for all girls, but is the absence of a male mentor also one of the factors that cause Baoyu's "feminine" temperament?
Stills from the 97 version of Dream of Red Mansions
Some people also say that the child's father wants to earn money to support the family, and he is really not around, I am a single mother, what should the child do without a father? At this time, the mother should not worry too much, on the one hand, you can find a male tutor for the child, such as the child's uncle and uncle, such as a good male friend, etc.; on the other hand, you can let the child learn to play football or send it to a regular martial arts school to learn martial arts, etc., so as to create an atmosphere and environment for the existence of excellent men for boys.
The third stage is thirteen years of age until adulthood
After going through a period of tenderness and imitating his father, the boy from the age of thirteen onwards, after establishing an understanding of men, began to have his own thoughts, and had different ideas: Why is my father like this? I don't think he's an omnipotent superman, right? Dad isn't that good? I feel like he's not doing it right. From imitation to learning, to questioning, and finally to subversion. It's a normal upbringing for a boy.
There are many fathers who take the wrong way to deal with their son's disbelief and questioning, which exacerbates family conflicts. Some fathers will presuppose in advance that their children have limited cognitive levels, thinking that a child, how can he think that what his father is doing is wrong? Therefore, when faced with doubts, the first reaction is disbelief, and there is subtle discomfort and annoyance, thinking that the child is challenging his own status.
In fact, it is true that before a child enters society, the first man who can challenge is his father. One mountain does not tolerate two tigers, and big tigers and small tigers will also fight.
As the head of the family, the most important thing for a father is to have a son who will gradually challenge his "authoritative" acceptance of ideas, to be tolerant, not to urgently use a father's power to suppress children in the face of doubts, but to calmly explain to the child the truth of the adults (believe your child, he must understand), show him the ability to use in things, encourage him to learn to communicate, learn to deal with conflicts and contradictions.
In this way, when the child enters the society, in the face of doubts and pressure from social power, he is more able to "tactfully" deal with things, rather than questioning and blindly enduring honestly and silently.
Some people will ask, so what role does the mother need to play in this? Do you need the mother to sing red face and white face with the father? Yes or not. Mom needs to be a good mediator and an intermediary.
So what exactly does a mother need to do? Why do boys like to fight and have bad grades? How should fathers set an example? How to cultivate a boy's correct concept of sexuality? Follow me, and the next article will show you how to raise a boy correctly from a scientific point of view.
The content is taken from: Fan book "Raising Boys"
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