-01
In the ambiguous stage, what kind of person is easy to be manipulated by the other party?
The answer is: people who can't save face.
The sense of self-esteem is too strong, but in the bones it is inferior;
As long as you pay, you must continue to pay;
Even if the other person doesn't give you a response, you've already started to pay, and it's hard to stop.
When the bystanders advise you:
"Since they don't respond to you and don't give you positive feedback, then why do you have to keep going?"
You just laugh and say:
"It doesn't matter, if you love someone, you want to pay for the other person, this is my willingness."
In fact, you are bitter in your heart, but your self-esteem can't make you put down your face and say:
"I didn't know how to get the TA to give me back, so I had to add chips and expect him to see me and respond to me. ”
What is the paradox of feelings?
The more you give, the less the other person cherishes you;
The more you pay, the more reluctant you are to put in the cost;
In the end, you are in a predicament, not for love, but not willing to let the cost you put in go down the drain, so continue to pay, expecting to get some return from the other party, which can make you return to your capital.
What is the Gambler Effect?
In the hand, the more you want to win, the more you lose;
When a person loses everything, he wants to borrow some more chips to try to recoup his capital.
But who is the winner?
Those who win are actually just returning to their original costs and earning less, which can actually be regarded as losing the "time and emotional costs";
Those who lose not only lose money, but also lose their emotions and time.
The real winner is the banker.
So in the relationship between the sexes, what is the thinking of not being manipulated by the other party?
You have to stand in the position of "dealer" to play with the other party, not stand in a low position, guarding your self-esteem and self-moving.
-02
There are several forms of giving in a relationship
The first is to pay and expect a return
When you come into contact with someone of the opposite sex, you are the first to get emotional, and it is the other person you like first.
So you take the initiative to give and provide the other party with more material, time, emotional value and other costs;
But as soon as you give, you want the other party to repay you.
If the other person doesn't reciprocate, you become anxious, and then turn into anger.
But have you ever thought that you are giving what the other person wants?
Before the other party fully understands you and has enough trust and good impression of you, can they give back to the other party?
The other party likes to eat watermelon, you want to buy him apples, and expect him to be moved and expect him to give you feedback.
This kind of mentality is unreasonable and will make you fall into deeper internal friction.
The second way: to give for love without expecting anything in return
This is also the emotional state of many people.
Whenever he likes someone, he subconsciously wants to give;
Give a lot, put in a lot, and always ask for nothing in return.
Try to use giving, pursuing, and investing a lot of costs to awaken more love from each other.
What is the result?
Either after paying for a long time, the other party loses its freshness;
Either meet a "scumbag and scumbag" and be treated as a provider.
The third way: pay first for respect and take the initiative
This type of person has a very high sense of self-esteem and a sufficient sense of intrinsic worth;
He will not feel weak or inferior because of "initiative", and feel embarrassed;
I don't worry about being gossiped about by others just because I take the initiative.
His initiative is based entirely on a high sense of intrinsic worth.
What others say, does it have anything to do with me?
I like the other person, so I am willing to give.
This kind of person will take the initiative as a "strategy": I give first, as for whether to respond or not, how much to give back to me, that's your business.
At dinner, there is an unwritten unspoken rule:
You go to dinner and meet an acquaintance, and whoever adds cigarettes, alcohol and food to the other party first has the upper hand.
Like what:
You first add two bottles of wine to your friend, worth 200 yuan;
That friend will definitely add a few packs of cigarettes and a few more dishes to you, in short, the cost cannot be lower than yours.
Do you understand this logic?
Giving is not necessarily to pry the other party's feelings, but to make you invincible.
-03
You have to play your cards one by one
Even if you have a good hand, don't "show it down" easily.
Play your cards one by one in order to test and mobilize the other party to join the relationship.
The normal development of intimacy is like this:
One invests in the emotion first, gives some first, and then stops and waits for the other person to respond.
If the other party doesn't give you any response, then you will evacuate and replace the next one;
If the opponent responds to you, then you move on to the next card.
Playing your cards one by one will not only keep you mysterious, but also prevent you from falling into the "sunk cost trap".
What is the core principle of giving first?
Steady your mindset.
Even if the other person doesn't respond to you, don't subconsciously deny yourself and belittle yourself.
Put your best foot forward, play the most attractive card, and then it's up to the opponent to pick up the move.
Topic:
If you like someone, will you take the initiative to give?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, original family, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.