As a man who is close to the age of six, I have experienced the ups and downs of life, and I have also witnessed the joys and sorrows of countless families.
Now, looking back at the past at this age, I would like to give a piece of advice to parents who are about to face their son's marriage: after their son gets married, he must learn to leave a "way out" for himself.
01
Many years ago, like many parents, I was happy to manage my son's marriage. At that time, I only wanted to give him the best, even at the cost of everything.
I took out all my savings and bought a wedding house for him, just so that he could have a warm home. However, as time went on, I gradually realized that such efforts did not always lead to the expected happiness.
Because, when we pour all our savings into our son, we often neglect our own future life. Pension, Medical, Accident ......
These are expenses that we can't anticipate. If we don't have enough reserves for ourselves, we will be helpless when we encounter difficulties.
I remember one time, because of a sudden illness, I urgently needed a large amount of medical expenses. However, due to the previous efforts, I have very little money left in my account.
So, I wanted my son to help me share some of it. However, when I made this request, my daughter-in-law stopped my son, saying that they had invested all their money in stocks and could not take it out now.
At that moment, I felt a chill in my heart. I understand that they have their own plans and considerations, but I also deeply feel the helplessness of not leaving enough "retreat" for myself. If I had left some "way out" for myself, maybe I wouldn't have faced such a dilemma.
02
In addition, I also want to tell you that you must not sell your retirement home in order to buy a wedding house for your son. The house is our root and our dependence.
When we grow old and our bodies are no longer as strong as they were when we were young, it is our most basic need to have a home of our own.
If we lose our home for the sake of our son, then you will not even have the freedom to belong.
A friend of mine made such a mistake. At the beginning, for the sake of his son's marriage, he resolutely sold his house, bought a new house for his son, and later lived with his son and daughter-in-law.
However, the generation gap between the two generations and the different living habits have made the relationship between him and his wife and daughter-in-law increasingly strained. His wife and daughter-in-law often quarrel over trivial matters, and neither of them can understand each other's thoughts, and sometimes, the family feels aggrieved when they eat together.
I met him at the market that day and he told me that he and his wife wanted to move out of their son's house and rent a house. He said that he regretted selling his old house, and now he and his wife don't even have a home of their own.
Therefore, I would like to tell all parents that no matter how much we love our children, we must learn to leave some "retreat" for ourselves and never sell our old house.
03
Leaving a way out for ourselves in old age does not mean that we no longer care about our children, nor does it mean that we should be stingy and indifferent to them, but on the contrary, it is our long-term consideration of their future lives.
We need to let them understand that their parents' love also has boundaries, and we can't give everything for them, because they also need to learn to be independent and responsible, and know how to be grateful and reciprocate, instead of blindly taking.
At the same time, we have to plan for ourselves. We must make good plans for our retirement and leave enough security for our lives. In this way, when we grow old, we can live a stable and happy old age.
In closing, I would like to say that as parents, it is our responsibility to guide our children to grow up, not to pave all the paths for them.
We must learn to let go and let our children go through and experience on their own. And in this process, we must also learn to protect ourselves and leave enough "retreat" for ourselves.
This is the advice of a 57-year-old man to all parents. I hope my words will give you some inspiration and food for thought. Let us learn to love and protect ourselves while loving our children.
Message from the setting moon:
When people reach old age, if they want to not be bleak in their later years, they must leave enough pension money for themselves to cope with accidents in their later years.
In addition, we have to keep our own house, which is our eternal harbor. Only when we live in our own houses can we live freely for the rest of our lives when we are old.
May every one of us be able to live quietly, be calm in our hearts, cherish the present, and be kind to the rest of our lives.
(Narrator: Li Yong Finishing: Mu Xue Xiyue)