#大龄读博 ##独立女性##亲子教育##人工智能##心理咨询#
This is the 3,758th real story we have told
I am Jiang Yuna, 42 years old this year, born in Tieling, the end of the universe. He is currently studying for a PhD in Psychology at Universiti Putra Malaysia, and is a psychotherapist, educational planner, and author.
But I've been divorced, moved nine times, worked a lot of jobs, and my life has been tormenting.
After graduating from university, I successfully joined a Fortune 500 company, and later entered the management level. For a variety of reasons, I quit my job and became a freelancer.
I've done consulting and training for companies, worked as a stylist, and opened a private image studio...... Eventually, he turned to psychology and continued to work in this field.
From a psychological point of view, I raised my son, who was tired of school, into an envy of everyone, and wrote a book about my parenting experience, which alleviated the educational anxiety of many Chinese parents.
So there are many possibilities in life, and we don't need to trap ourselves and our children in a certain cage. The meaning of life is not about following the steps, but about the experience.
(I'm in front of the library of Putra University)
The important thing in life is to experience, not to win. Since I was a child, my mother didn't intend for me to be a leader, she just wanted me to be healthy and happy. They're also busy, so they don't care much about me. In short, my parents gave me a lot of freedom, and although my grades were not excellent, my life was not limited.
No one's life is static, and what makes you change may be a person, a thing, or a sentence.
My grades were pretty good when I was a kid, but I was always afraid to talk to others and never answered the teacher's questions in class. The teacher's final comment is always "I hope to be bold and take the initiative to speak".
Later, because of a teacher, she would especially find my strengths and constantly encourage me. Since then, I've been so cheerful that I can't do it.
But for studying, I neither worked very hard nor had perseverance, and my grades were tepid. Later, he entered the so-called adolescence and was very rebellious.
Even in that era when material resources were still relatively scarce, I still wore makeup and perfume when I went to school, and would skip school from time to time, so I was a proper bad girl.
(I'm in the Straits of Malacca)
And my awakening is because of my uncle. Once my uncle came to my house, he opened the world map and asked me, "Where is China?" I finally found it, and he said, "You see the world is so big, China is so small, we are even smaller, who can know that we have been to this world"?
I felt like I couldn't be a bad girl anymore. I'm going to do something to leave a little bit of my mark on this world.
So I decided to be admitted to a key high school first. At that time, all the teachers didn't believe that I could pass the exam, but only my mother believed in me. She said, "Don't believe what your teacher says, Mom believes you can." Then my mother just cooked three meals a day for me, and never said much about studying.
But because of my mother's belief and support, I have a lot of motivation. I raced against the clock, and it took me about a month to learn the entire three years of junior high school from scratch. We each did our own thing, and that year I was really miraculously admitted to the only key high school in the local area.
(The team I led won the Best Team Award)
After graduating from high school, I was admitted to Dalian University of Foreign Chinese, majoring in Japanese. Although I didn't like this major very much, I was able to successfully enter a Fortune 500 company after graduation, and the salary was much higher than that of my peers.
Later, I slowly got into the work of different modules in this industry. As I gained experience, I also became a project leader in my unit. The salary is getting higher and the work is getting busier, but my life has not been delayed in the slightest.
I'm married. My father and I have been classmates since childhood, and it can be said that our marriage is not because of love, but because of familiarity. His parents wanted him to find someone who studied well and was tall, and I wanted to find someone with a good temper, so we became the best fit for each other.
After that, we had a lovely son. But I found that whenever I was very busy at work, my son would have a fever for no apparent reason. In order to take care of my children, I reluctantly quit this very promising job after a long time of ideological struggle.
(I do training for China Telecom employees)
Later, I studied psychology and realized that that was what children were calling me for. I'm glad I made the right choice, but I've always been a freelance person, and I started my freelance career.
I took the time to do training and consulting for enterprises, and I also learned makeup styling and image design with Mr. Liang Yi, one of the top ten stylists in the country.
It only took me about four months to study, but I was lucky enough to be named one of the "Top 10 Makeup Artists in the Country" and was covered by the media at the time. The honor has given me a lot of confidence and confidence.
Considering that the profession of private image consultant is more promising in big cities, I had the idea of developing outward. At this time, my son also reached the age of going to school, and for better educational resources, we chose Shanghai.
So, my father and I sold our house in Dalian and came to Shanghai with our children. I opened an image studio, and my son passed the kindergarten selection exam and successfully entered the kindergarten.
However, when I was in Shanghai, my marriage to my child's father was in trouble, and I insisted on ending the marriage to be exact, because our union was not love in itself.
(Media coverage at the time of the award)
As partners, we manage the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, parent-child relationship, and husband and wife relationship in the marriage very well, but I don't want to become a numb person in a loveless marriage.
At my insistence, I parted peacefully with the child's father, and his only request was that we go back to the Northeast together. At that time, the children were still young, and I also considered that the children could not be separated from their parents, so I gave up my career in Shanghai and returned to the Northeast with them.
After returning to the Northeast, I became an unemployed single mother for a while, and I was somewhat depressed. And because of the differences in regional economies and concepts, I was "forced" to change tracks.
In fact, when I was designing images for many women in Shanghai, I found that even if some people changed their image and became more beautiful, they were still unhappy.
The reason for this is that no matter how beautiful and rich they are on the outside, their hearts are not full and empty.
And what I wanted to do was not only to make other people's outwards more beautiful, but to want them to be filled with their hearts and get real happiness and peace, so I turned to psychology.
(Shanghai Image Studio Opening Party)
I stopped all my work and prepared for graduate school. At that time, my son was already in elementary school, and he didn't want to transfer schools, so I had to apply to local colleges.
Although I was in my thirties at the time, I was able to get into the full-time Master of Applied Psychology and started my first steps in psychological counseling and psychotherapy.
I worked hard to learn professional knowledge and passed the national second-level psychological counselor examination, and then began to work in psychological counseling. But in practice, I found that I still needed to improve and do research on a deeper psychological level, so I had the idea of taking a doctorate.
I discussed with my son that I would wait for him to graduate from primary school, and I would go to Beijing with him, I would do my PhD, and he would go to an international school. However, my son had his first boredom in the fourth grade of elementary school.
He felt bored that the school was asking him to brush up on questions and talk about repetitive knowledge every day, and that he was deprived of physical education, art, and computer classes. I first empathized with him, saying that I understood him very well and encouraged him to learn independently.
(Master of Applied Psychology graduated)
I told him, "Since you think you can, then you should go forward, finish early, graduate early, and get out of this boring school as soon as possible." In this way, while he was tired of school, he taught himself the courses of the fifth and sixth grades.
At that time, I became interested in the project of combining psychology and AI, so I joined a technology company in Beijing to prepare for a PhD at Beijing Normal University in the future.
So I took my son to Beijing, and he was directly admitted to an international school in Beijing for junior high school, achieving his first grade skipping.
Surprisingly, I had to wait another year for a Ph.D. place at Beijing Normal University. At this time, I was almost 40 years old, and I didn't want to wait any longer, so I set my sights on overseas universities.
I chose Universiti Putra Malaysia, which is ranked in the top 150 in the world, much higher than BNU. In the end, I successfully applied for an overseas doctorate, and my son has a lot of credit.
At that time, it was just the two of us in Beijing, and we took care of each other and relied on each other. I have been busy fulfilling my dreams, and I don't have a lot of time to take care of him, he can not only arrange himself in order, but also like a little adult, supervise me and take care of me.
(I'm in Malaysia Artist Pavilion)
When I was busy preparing my application materials, he would cook for me and give me plenty of time. He would also supervise me, not let me play with my phone, so that I could write my research project calmly and steadily, and he always said that I was a very disobedient parent.
I also happened to meet a librarian at that time, and he thought it was worth writing about my son's upbringing, my parenting experience.
Becoming a writer was indeed a dream of mine since I was a child, so even though I was busy, I took over the job of writing a book and signed a contract. At the same time, I really hope that my book can help many parents to relieve their anxiety and make parenting easier.
Later, after the winter vacation, I took my son back to the Northeast, planning to go to Malaysia with my son during the Chinese New Year. As a result, due to the impact of the epidemic, we were trapped in Tieling.
At that time, we lived at the foot of the mountain, which was relatively secluded, and I was taking online classes at home while writing books in retreat.
And the son was tired of school again, this time for 8 months. Probably because of the impact of the epidemic on his life, he fell into confusion for a while. He couldn't quite understand the relationship between me and his father, why I wanted to take the PhD, and he couldn't find the point of studying.
(Dream come true to become a psychiatrist)
Originally, due to the epidemic and my Ph.D., many jobs were put on hold, and I had no income for a while, and I was under a lot of psychological pressure.
What makes me even more ridiculous is that I am writing books to educate my children, while my own son is once again tired of studying at home. So no matter what, I have to find a way to change my son's disgust with school.
I didn't force my son to go to school, but allowed him to do what he wanted. Because I know that education is based on retreat and advancement, pushing the boat along the river, and the more you push him, the more it will be counterproductive.
He's obsessed with the game and plays like crazy, so let him play. He wanted to open a rice noodle shop, so I accompanied him to purchase supplies, studied recipes, and worked out work processes with him.
However, this rice noodle shop did not open, because after calculation, he found that the business was not cost-effective.
Even if there is a courier brother to help him run errands, just making rice noodles is very tiring. Moreover, it is more difficult for the income from making rice noodles to meet his needs to buy whatever he wants.
(Reader's Bookstore New Book Signing)
Of course, I also shared more social realities with him, allowing him to see some existential crises that he could not see in his daily life. His father also told him about his life troubles caused by the limitations of his knowledge.
I also explained to him the relationship between me and his father, and he really felt that although we are divorced, the three of us are still a family, and we all love him.
After all this, his mind changed and he wanted to continue studying. Because of the epidemic, we couldn't go abroad, so I could only find him an international school in Shenyang, and this time he skipped junior high school and went straight to high school. This is the second time he has skipped a grade, and it is his own choice.
It's just that this time he didn't learn it in advance, and he never even came into contact with physics and chemistry classes. So when he jumped to the first year of high school, listening to classes in the first half of the year was like listening to a book from heaven.
Fortunately, he has a strong learning ability and works hard, and he writes his homework until midnight every day. After half a year of hard work, he finally caught up with the progress of his classmates and was able to get the first place in the class, and his classmates admired him very much and jokingly called him "big brother".
(Me and "Big Brother" at the most American Road 318)
In fact, both of us are studying, and there is still pressure in life, and we don't have much money and time. So I can only take online classes and do consulting at the same time to earn money.
I have to complete a lot of essays, homework, online and offline consulting work every day, and I have to take care of my son who is busy with his studies, and I have a full schedule, which is very busy and tiring, but I believe that these difficulties will pass.
In fact, whether it is me or not, we are not people who follow the rules and follow the rules, and our life path always seems to be full of unknowns, so we are more willing to explore life.
Of course, I'm not a very persevering person, and I always feel that people can't be tense all the time. Even if society is so involuted now, we must allow ourselves to lie flat, waste time resting, and recharge ourselves.
So I always take my son out to play during the holidays, and psychological research has confirmed that play quotient is more important than emotional intelligence and IQ.
And my son's trip is not just for eating, drinking and having fun, but to add more life experiences. So I'll take him to some adventurous places, like I take him to climb Mount Everest.
(Wild woman driving an off-road vehicle)
Of course, I am not a reckless parent, in order to go to Mount Everest, I started preparing two or three years in advance.
We first went to Yulong Snow Mountain to feel the altitude of 2,000 meters above sea level, and then went to Qinghai to experience the air at an altitude of more than 3,000 meters. In the absence of obvious altitude reflections, we went to Shangri-La, which is 4,000 meters above sea level, and we are glad that we can still run here.
After exploring little by little, I took him to the Everest base camp. It's scary to think about it now. Because no matter how well prepared, there must be danger.
It's just that I was really young and bold at that time, and they all said that I was wilder than men. But I think this must have a positive impact on my son, not only to hone his will, but also to make him cherish life.
Now that my son is studying at university in the UK alone, I am doing my PhD thesis in Malaysia, and the next few years will be a time for me to concentrate on my career. I will continue to devote myself to research in the field of psychology, hoping to help more people live better.
(I climbed the Everest base camp)
I'm currently working with a friend on a project related to adult and adolescent mental health, Yelling. It will be a combination of fiction and illustration, and it will touch on some sensitive, overlooked issues, with the hope of influencing both parents and children, so that children can get more understanding and support.
My other focus is on the combination of psychotherapy and AI, so that an AI or a virtual me can be used to replace me for psychotherapy. In this way, more patients can receive professional psychological treatment without being limited by time and space and money, and get rid of psychological problems as soon as possible.
Artificial intelligence is developing rapidly, and many people will eventually be replaced by AI, so I think instead of being replaced by AI, it is better to take the initiative to develop a "person" who can replace me.
It's just that there is no breakthrough in my research at present, so I am constantly looking for better technical support and more like-minded friends, hoping that AI can realize the real sense of psychotherapy as soon as possible.
In short, the future social trend is ever-changing, and I hope that you and I will grow without boundaries and have no possibilities in the future.
(Please pay attention to my self-media account)
[Dictator: Jiang Yuna]
[Edit: Shi Yu]
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(*This article is based on the oral statements of the parties, and the authenticity is the responsibility of the oral narrator.) Friendly reminder from this account: Please identify the relevant risks by yourself, and do not blindly follow the trend to make impulsive decisions. ）