In my outpatient experience, I have met a wide variety of patients who have come to seek help with their own stories and pains. Depression, an oft-misunderstood disease, particularly struck me. People with depression often use seemingly mundane words to express their deep pain that can easily be ignored if left unattended.
I remember one time a middle-aged man came to my office, and on the surface he was the kind of personable and successful person that is common in society. However, when I asked him how he felt, he always said lightly, "I'm fine, really." As the conversation deepened, I gradually felt the sense of despair and powerlessness hidden in his words. His "I'm fine" is not really safe, but a habitual cover-up, a barrier that does not want people to penetrate into his inner world.
Common "mantras" and the meaning behind them
In our daily lives, we may often hear seemingly simple sentences, but when they are repeated, they may hint at a deeper problem. Especially for people with depression, these "mantras" can be their silent signals for help. Understanding the meaning behind these mantras can help us better understand and support those around us who may be experiencing depression.
1. "I'm fine, really"
This phrase is one of the common mantras used by people with depression. When asked how they feel or state, they may frequently use this phrase to avoid deep communication in an attempt to hide their emotions and feelings. The truth behind this may be that they don't want to cause trouble to others, or that they feel that their problems will not be understood or accepted. In this case, the key is to provide a safe, stress-free environment and let them know that you are the one who can listen to their true feelings.
2. "I'm just tired"
On the face of it, this seems like a common explanation for why a person may seem listless or unwilling to participate in social activities. However, if this becomes a norm and not just the occasional tiredness, then it could be a warning sign of depression. People with depression may use the term "tired" to summarize their overall feelings, including mental exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, or lack of motivation.
3. "Don't worry, I can handle it myself"
This mantra may indicate that the patient wants to face their difficulties independently, perhaps out of fear of avoiding being labeled pathological, or out of reluctance to admit that they need help. They may be afraid that asking for help will make them appear vulnerable or dependent on others. In this case, it's important to show that you care and provide ongoing support, while respecting their feelings and choices.
4. "Nobody really understands me"
Feeling misunderstood or isolated is a common feeling in depression. When patients express such feelings, they may be experiencing a deep sense of loneliness and estrangement. This quote is a signal that they need more empathy and understanding. As a friend or family member, try to understand their feelings, even if you don't fully appreciate them, and do your best to show that you are trying and willing to help them.
How to properly care for people with depression
In my outpatient experience, I have met quite a few patients with depression. They tend to repeat seemingly ordinary words, such as "I'm just tired", but behind this there is often a hidden truth about their emotions. As bystanders, there are specific actions we can take to support and care for someone around us who may be experiencing depression.
Listen and understand
When communicating with someone with depression, it is critical to provide a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know that you are willing to listen to them talk about their feelings and experiences, and that you are listening. Listening isn't just about waiting for answers, it's about truly understanding their feelings and experiences. While listening, maintain eye contact and use body language (such as nodding your head) and short sentences to show that you are paying attention to and understanding their words.
Avoid simple persuasion and judgment
For people with depression, simple persuasions such as "you'll be fine" or judgmental statements such as "don't be so negative" can make them feel more isolated and misunderstood. Depression is not a state that can be overcome simply by "cheering up". What they need is empathy and understanding, not being told how they should feel.
Information and avenues for providing professional help
Encouraging people with depression to seek professional help is a very important step. You can help them find nearby mental health services, such as a counselor or psychiatrist, and provide contact information. Sometimes, the patient may be depressed and lack the motivation to ask for help, and you can offer to accompany them as a sign of support.
Stay connected and provide ongoing support
Ongoing care and support can have a significant positive impact on people with depression. Message or call them regularly to ask how they're doing, reminding them that you're here to support them. Give them space when they need it while letting them know that you'll be there when they're ready to communicate.