In this book, the author uses meticulous brushstrokes and gripping descriptions to portray the emotionally damaged and traumatized children he has come into contact with in his work, showing readers how stress and violence in early childhood affect brain development, and concisely and vividly describing the stress response and brain functioning mechanism.
As I read this book, my mood fluctuated, and the stress trauma of these children in their early childhood caused them to behave strangely and not return to normal for a long time.
What saddens me the most is that these stories are all true, the cases of children that the author has treated, and these cases are just a drop in the ocean.
More than 100 children treated by the clinical care team at the author's Child Trauma Academy have witnessed the murder of their parents, some of whom have been severely neglected in shelters, parents, or guardians.
In addition to heartbreaking growth stories and real cases of moving, warm and disappointed treatment, there are also many popular science in neuroscience, brain science, psychology and other aspects.
The book introduces the development of our brain from birth, the impact of trauma on brain development from childhood to adulthood with family and friends, the process of how the brain receives and processes this information from low-functioning areas to high-functioning areas, and the process of understanding acceptance and therapeutic interactions.
The most effective means of healing a child is human love
Tina, a 7-year-old girl who is raised on a single mother's meager salary, is a QJ of a perverted son who was exposed to a nanny between the ages of 4 and 6 and is threatened to kill her if she is told to do so.
Sandy, a 3-year-old girl who witnessed her mother being slashed twice in the throat by the killer, was rescued after spending 11 hours alone in her apartment with her mother's body.
Leon, an 18-year-old boy with an antisocial personality and a shrewd mind, stabbed two adolescent girls to death in cold blood because they refused his request for a relationship.
Reading each case made me think, what can be done to reduce the occurrence of these tragedies?
There is a point in the book that deserves to be remembered by all parents: the most effective means of healing children is human love. Don't underestimate the impact of trauma, let alone the power of love.
Growing up surrounded by love from a young age is indeed a very healing and happy thing. Growing up in a loving environment not only gives children warmth and security, but also greatly affects their personality formation and future life.
In a loving family, children learn to love and be loved. They learned from their parents and family how to express emotions, how to care for others, and how to build healthy relationships.
A loving environment provides a supportive and encouraging space for children to dare to experiment and explore.
This unconditional love allows them to remain confident and positive in the face of failure and challenges, knowing that no matter what happens, love and support are always there for them.
Children who grow up in love usually have higher self-esteem and self-confidence. They understand their worth and believe that they can achieve their dreams. This self-recognition is a solid foundation for their future success.
In addition, children who are surrounded by love are more likely to grow into compassionate and kind adults. They learn empathy and know how to interact with the world with kindness and understanding.
Overall, love is one of life's most beautiful gifts.
It is not only a protection and support for children, but also an important force to help them grow up healthily, learn to love and be loved.
Trauma in early childhood
Trauma isn't as complex as you think, but it can affect you for a long, long time.
Some children have traumatic experiences that are not caused by caregivers, but by accidents.
For example, if someone in the family dies, or if their home is destroyed by a natural disaster such as an earthquake or landslide, the adult is too busy to take care of himself or is trapped in a depressed and incompetent situation. Adults are unable to provide care in this situation, or ignore the need for support for the child at this time so that he can circulate the inner feelings of stiffness and discomfort.
The younger the child, the less resources and capacity they have to deal with these emergencies.
Many researchers believe that people only record implicit memories in the first year and a half of life. Babies remember the smell, the sounds of their parents, the feeling of being hungry, the warmth of being embraced, the horror of a sudden loud noise, and the stiffness of their mother's body as she holds herself in an argument with her father.
This illustrates the persistence of birth trauma and early childhood trauma. There is a kind of trauma in infancy and early childhood that is caused by the loss of connection with the mother. For example, separation from the mother soon after birth can lead to traumatic experiences in a child's life.
Every baby is born with a natural instinct to connect outward to its mother. The newborn is completely dependent on the mother for its survival, and is in a single integration with the mother, and has not yet developed its own borders, so it cannot distinguish itself from the mother.
The process of individuation is formed from infancy to childhood, little by little, by accumulating the structure of boundaries and identity, which takes time to move from "being one with the mother" to "being an individual".
If you have to be separated from your mother early in life for some reason, such as your mother dies soon after giving birth, your mother is sick, or if your mother is unable to take care of your child for a long time for some reason, or if your baby is born prematurely, you must stay in an incubator. At this point, the baby's bond with the mother is broken.
Babies are too fragile and immature to absorb the pain of this kind of separation, or to absorb and transform the effects of this encounter, so they are frightened and panicked. His mind will begin to respond with all sorts of barriers and compensations.
What happens to a neglected baby? Child development research experts have documented the process: at first, he cries out in anger and despair, and then cries incessantly until he quiets down for a moment. But this silence is not because the baby feels calm or satisfied, but because he gives up, no longer tries to get the attention of his mother, he withdraws and retreats into the inner world.
A withdrawn child learns to stop demanding what he wants, stops connecting with his mother, and withdraws emotionally from his mother. The time of separation from the mother is critical and can determine whether the child will develop a suspicious, distrustful, withdrawn personality.
When they grow up, they often have difficulties in getting close to others.
In the case of loss of connection in infancy, he is separated from his body and his emotions because of withdrawal and distrust. However, the most difficult situation is that the perpetrators are parents and family members.
A warning and inspiration for all parents
Childhood trauma is a serious global problem. Early experiences, and the patterns that surround us, make up our initial experiences. If the early experience is different from the normal person, then his expectations of the world may lead to behavioral disorders.
You might say that this is a long way from my life, but it is conservatively estimated that about 40% of children in the United States have had at least one potential traumatic experience before the age of 18, and very few children are able to completely break free from the trauma on their own.
In China, the same situation is playing out every day.
How many children are frightened when their parents (for their own reasons) argue in front of their young selves, like Tina, who turns into a stunned fawn and produces a kind of apathetic psychological avoidance, or like Sandy, who can no longer face the "quarrel" head-on?
How many children, "I don't know when their parents will quarrel again" The pressure has not been released, and they are highly nervous?
How many children have listened to irresponsible parents say "We don't divorce for you" "If you were more obedient, we wouldn't quarrel" and then desperately within, prematurely bearing the pressure that their own pressure system is not enough to bear, and even becoming the "parents" of their parents Carrying emotional responsibilities that do not belong to them for the rest of their lives?
When they grow up, some of them develop the habit of avoiding pressure, while others become highly sensitive and have strong internal friction, and only a small number of children find the clues when they grow up and let their stress system grow up again.
But how long does it take to heal the attention problems, social problems, and intimacy problems caused by the fragility or "wrong path" of the stress system from an early age?
Ultimately, children's ability to recover physically, emotionally, or psychologically depends on the love, support, and encouragement of those around them, especially adults they can trust and rely on.
Write to the end
We can create and destroy each other, we can love and frighten each other, we can hurt and heal each other.
Say love to the child, hug the child, don't worry, the child will not be spoiled because of this, the child will only be taught bad by no rules.
What's wrong with giving your child a hug and saying you love you to him when he needs it?
"The Ladder to the Sky" re-acquaints oneself with what love is and how we should love.