Want your child to learn independently, but can't help but intervene?
Want to teach your child self-discipline, but don't know where to start?
Want to communicate well with your child, but parent-child conflicts always break out?
We all know that cultivating children requires patience and accurate responses in order for children to develop good habits of autonomy and self-discipline.
However, how to let go correctly, and how to truly "hold back and not get angry" when you see that your child does not meet expectations?
How can we respond to children accurately and lovingly, and guide children to develop good habits of autonomy and self-discipline?
This book starts with several parent-child interaction scenarios, and teaches mothers to see the deep needs behind their children's behaviors and change their way of thinking.
To respond effectively, so as to truly achieve the communication effect, completely change the parent-child communication mode of "always can't help but get angry", take a long-term view, and cultivate good children who are independent and self-disciplined.
Respond accurately, starting with talking to your child
smashed the house to pieces at every turn, glared at everyone and spoke ill of each other, the rebellious girl made her father helpless, and her relationship with her mother was even more incompatible.
This is the plot of the TV series "The Journey of No Confusion", and the audience accused the girl of being rude and excessive in the comment section, but I saw her eagerness, anger and despair.
Her father was the owner of a publishing company, and he was too busy with various jobs and socializing to pay attention to his daughter's needs.
There is a saying in psychology that where there is no response, there is a desperate situation. But what makes her even more desperate is the mother, because the mother does not understand and is unwilling to understand the child's thoughts at all, and only responds and demands the child according to her own ideas.
For children, understanding his thoughts and talking to him well is the best and most accurate response.
As the saying goes, "A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word is hurtful and cold in June", we all know the importance of speaking well.
It is especially important for parents to talk to their children well, because the child's personality and future life hide the way parents talk to him.
Pay attention to every parent-child interaction and respond to children accurately
Lao Tzu said: The big things in the world must be done in detail.
How well our children can grow up is not determined by a few vigorous events that rarely happen, but by the trivial details of parent-child interaction.
These little things may be prosaic, but they are not to be taken lightly. Education is no trivial matter, and learning is everywhere.
Parents should pay attention to every interactive link, integrate the concepts of respect, love, equality, and listening into every educational detail, and help children become better in a silent way.
In order to get rid of their children's entanglement, resolve the current conflict and unhappiness, or under the banner of good for their children, many parents choose to accommodate, reward, threaten, deceive and other "quick effect" responses.
But this is raising tigers, and the shortcut parents are taking now is the biggest bend in educating their children, because it will lead to many problems that require more energy and are difficult to correct.
When parents respond to their children, they should first make a draft, and what they want to say must be carefully thought out and carefully scrutinized before they can be said to their children.
At the same time, parents should empathize with each other, and can activate their own childhood experience, enter the child's heart, truly understand the child's feelings, and improve the accuracy of the response.
To improve their ability to interpret their children's behavior, parents need to continuously observe their children and constantly verify their judgments.
As the author says, if parents can treat each educational behavior with excellence and insist on understanding their children's feelings just like writing an advertising plan, then the interaction with their children will become more and more tacit.
Mom has a way to manage her emotions
It is not enough to restrain when emotions come, it is suppressing emotions and not dealing with them.
If you are unable to control your emotions, parents voluntarily isolate themselves from their children for a few minutes.
1. Clear your thoughts and record the process of thinking in writing.
2. Communicate with clear expressions: "I see ......", "I feel ......", "I want to ......"
In the process of communication, "point to point" is a matter of facts, not to turn over old accounts.
3. Speak carefully to your child and listen carefully to what your child is saying. We must also have the habit of "preparing for lessons", establish a "review mechanism" in our hearts, and what we want to say can only be said to children after careful thinking and careful consideration.
At the same time, we should be good at observing the details of the child and give positive encouragement and affirmation.
Praise the child with words that he likes, and also amplify the child's successful experience.
Let children develop the habit of learning effectively:
1. Quiet writing environment and keep your desk tidy.
2. Set goals in layers, it can remain flexible and adjust at any time.
3. Let children develop a good habit of self-checking homework, if parents need to check, it will become a spot check in the later stage. Help children develop self-discipline.
Parents manage their emotions well, ostensibly for the sake of their children, but in the end it is the parents themselves.
When you learn to live peacefully with your emotions, learn to understand your child's emotions at a deep level, and respond accurately, you will also see changes in your child.
The power of education needs to be accumulated to manifest itself, and persistence will see amazing results.
Write to the end
It is better to respond to the child than to give the child the right to choose, and not to point fingers at the child.
Because the essence of life lies in freedom and choice.
Every choice opens up more possibilities in life and more precise control over yourself.
Only by giving the child enough space and respecting the family will he feel a sense of existence and happiness as a "person" and live as he likes.
A person who has the ability to make his own choices is more likely to be happy and successful.
Education should not be excessive, what we pursue is the accuracy of education: to the point, just right.
Precise responses start with the smallest particles of education.