"Are you grandma or grandma?"
This is a topic that many people like to tease their children.
The child is innocent and cute, does not tell lies, many children brought up by grandma immediately replied with a sweet children's voice: Grandma!
This really made grandma's heart sprout, and made grandma think: I didn't hurt this baby in vain!
However, as time passed, the children grew up and went to school, and the time to see their grandmother became less and less.
After a certain period of time, I no longer like to follow my mother to my grandmother's house.
provoked my mother to scold: "Why did you raise such a white-eyed wolf? Grandma has been with you since you were born, buying you things all day long, and you have grown up with hard wings, and you can't care about grandma, right?"
There are two sayings in Shandong, one says: nephew dog, niece dog, leave when you are full, and the other is: Crazy grandmother loves nephew. The meaning is almost the same: no matter how much grandma loves her grandson, her grandson will not kiss her.
In fact, these colloquialisms are all concepts left over from when women have no right to speak, and they are not applicable now.
If you throw away those outdated concepts, whoever brings up the child will kiss whom, this is normal human nature.
Children don't like to go to grandma's house when they grow up, it's not that the child has less blood relationship with grandma, and it's not that they are not filial, if parents understand some psychology, they will know that children don't want to go to grandma's house when they grow up and the child's age changes and psychological changes are related.
Why do children not want to go to grandma's house when they get older?
01. The child has a sense of independence
As children get older, they no longer rely on their parents and grandparents for everything, they want to have their own independent small space, and they want to decide their own affairs within their ability.
Have you ever noticed: When children are young, they like to follow their parents to restaurants for dinner. However, when they reach a certain age, they would rather be at home than go out with adults, because they are annoying to deal with adults' inquiries and waste their time.
As children grow up, they prefer to socialize with their peers, and there is less and less communication with their parents, let alone with their grandmother.
02. The subtle influence caused by the family environment
Children generally have their father's surname, and in the public's perception, whoever has the surname is the person of whose family. The words that people talk about in everyday life convey a similar idea. The emotions and emotions of parents and grandparents can subtly affect children.
A good friend of my daughter once complained about her grandmother in front of us.
When she was a child, she would follow her mother back to her grandmother's house every week, and her grandmother loved her very much, and she was no different from her grandmother and grandmother, but she hated her a little later.
Because every time I go back to my grandmother's house, my grandmother will unconsciously say: "I know that my granddaughter is different from my granddaughter, and if she kisses, she is also a white kiss." When she was young, she could also coquettish her grandmother directly: "I kiss grandma", but when she was older and sensible, she felt very embarrassed, so she didn't like to go more and more, and felt more and more that she was an outsider.
03. The comparison between relatives makes the child uncomfortable
Sometimes children are reluctant to go to their grandmother's house, not because they don't like their grandmother, but because they may face comparisons with their cousins when they go back.
Do you still remember the classic scene of the two sisters going home for dinner in the TV series "Little Shede"?
It was supposed to be a regular family dinner on the weekend, and the family had a reunion dinner together, but eating and eating became an adult for the children to compare with each other.
In order to show her status in her mother's family, Tian Yulan showed that her family's children were strong, and her sister's daughter's talent show won the award, and everyone praised her in unison, she felt that she had lost the upper hand, and immediately asked her son to recite pi, and he must have the upper hand, even her husband felt embarrassed, not to mention how bad the child's feelings were at that time.
In reality, similar comparisons abound, and the adults have achieved their goals, but the children among them feel very uncomfortable psychologically. Over time, you will become less and less fond of such gatherings.
From the point of view of genetics, the blood relationship between the child and the grandparents and grandparents is the same, if it is more precise, the granddaughter carries a relatively more gene from the grandmother because of the mitochondrial gene.
When I was a child, my grandmother brought up a child, and I must have an extraordinary relationship with my grandmother. The child's brief indifference in adolescence does not prove that his psyche does not have a place for his grandmother.
In the busy modern life, we may not be able to be by our grandmother's side all the time, but the emotional bond can be maintained through daily communication and interaction.
Encourage the children to call their grandmother from time to time, listen to her warm voice, and share the bits and pieces of life.
Every holiday, you might as well take the children back to grandma's house, so that the familiar land and the smiles of relatives become the warmest memories in the hearts of the children.
Through such emotional exchanges, it will be easier for children to establish a deep emotional connection with their mother's family of origin, and they will naturally be willing to return to that place full of love and memories - grandma's house.
I hope that every child brought up by grandma can visit grandma as much as possible and give them a little more love and companionship in their lifetime.
Because, there will be fewer and fewer meetings with grandma, and one day, there will be "children who want to raise but don't wait", so please cherish every opportunity to meet grandma~
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Wanqiu talks about parenting, the mother of the two babies who loves to learn and think, welcome to pay attention, complain about the chickens and dogs that raise babies together, share the happiness of raising babies, and summarize the lessons of raising babies.
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