If the child speaks early and well, it must be one of the happiest things for the whole family.
However, in the process of language development, "child talking" often brings some small frightens to parents.
For example, there are often mothers who leave similar messages: My four-and-a-half-year-old son suddenly opened his mouth today and suddenly said, "me!" We never say this in front of him, how can this be? Should I stop it immediately? Will it become more and more vigorous to stop it?
These foul words such as ", Cow X,, Silly X" that suddenly popped up for no reason, the old mother was often shocked and stared wide-eyed. While being shocked by the baby's young age to say such things, and at the same time panicking, how should I respond?
Today we will talk about this topic, from the reasons to the coping methods, knowing ourselves and knowing the enemy, and analyzing them step by step.
This article was first published on the official account
Lilac mother education (ID: dingmashuoyuer)
Children swear and are smart, and parents deal with them in different levels
Many parents said that when their children were young, they said that everyone laughed and laughed, but it was terrible when they grew up and went to school!
It is true that a 3-year-old swears is not the same as a teenager swearing at a teacher. We need to distinguish the internal reasons for the child's swearing and deal with it differently.
Level 1 : Try to imitate, don't respond
If your child is younger, chances are he is just repeating the words he hears.
Most likely, someone close to him has used a similar mantra, the child hears it, and he repeats it.
The best way to deal with this is to ignore it.
Know that the best way to promote language learning is through adult responsive communication.
When a child says "stupid X", if parents bother to explain to their child, or laugh and say, "How did you learn this word", then there is only one result of the child's mind using this word, and that is to reinforce.
If the parents do not respond, the child will find it boring when he sees that his parents are not responding, and the word will be ignored and gradually forgotten and diluted.
👆 Image source: Zhan Kuhailuo
Level 2: Emotional expression, timely response
If your child is repetitive, in addition to downplaying your reaction, tell him in short, serious language, "This is not a good word, don't say it again." 」
Sometimes children will swear to express their great anger or grievances, because they do not have good emotional management skills and do not know how to express them appropriately.
For example, because the mother paid attention to Xiaobao, she ignored Dabao, and gave Xiaobao toys to play with without Dabao's permission. Dabao was very angry and shouted, "Mommy, get out, get out!"
In this situation, we parents need to pay more attention to the inner needs of the child, whether we are not giving the child enough respect and attention, whether we are ignoring him, what he is shouting.
The most important thing parents need to do at this time is not to stop or scold their children loudly, "at a young age, tell adults to get out, and there is no politeness", but to hug the child, understand and calm the child's emotions.
Wait for your child to calm down before telling him:
- I'm sorry, Mom apologized to you for giving the toy to my brother without your permission, I know you must be angry and sad. What do you want your mother to do in the future?
- Baby, you just told mom to "", which makes me very sad and sad, just as angry and sad as you just did.
Let your child know that anger is normal, but that swearing does not eliminate anger and solve problems, but can lead to worse outcomes.
Tell your child some ways to soothe emotions and resolve conflicts, for example, we can try to tell mom "I'm angry because I don't want to play with my brother or sister with my toys", maybe you won't be so angry when you say it, or you can go away by yourself, or you can find your favorite doll and talk about your feelings, which will be much more comfortable.
👆 Image source: Zhan Kuhailuo
Level 3: Forming habits, fan environment, and clear rules
If swearing has become a big habit, then we need to consider the following:
1. Review your words and lead by example
Don't try to tell your child, "This is something that only adults can say, you are a child, you can't say it." Your child wants to be like an adult, and he will definitely learn to imitate the way you speak.
2. Check the language of the child's environment and isolate the environment
If your family is in a similar situation, or if your child learns these words from a movie or game.
We can talk to our families to maintain a consistent family mindset, clarify family rules, and minimize our children's exposure to such languages.
3. Develop the ability to empathize and understand the harm that these words can do to others
Children need to know that these words can cause harm to others, and some storybooks can be used to let babies understand that being scolded is a very uncomfortable, sad and sad thing.
4. Appropriately let children bear the negative consequences of their behavior
For example, if your child swears someone for touching his toy, the toy needs to be taken back for a few minutes as a punishment. The next time something like this happens, the toy will be taken back for 24 hours as a punishment, etc.
Let your child know the negative consequences of swearing, and continue to let him bear the consequences until he can correct them.
5. Encourage and strengthen civilized and appropriate language
When your child uses appropriate expressions, they will want to be seen by parents. Please recognize your child's behavior in a timely manner and give encouragement, pay attention to the details of your child's behavior during the encouragement process, and do not say that you are awesome in general.
The right encouragement is like: "Mom didn't directly scold the child when she saw that you were angry this time, but walked away and waited for herself to calm down before telling your friend what you thought, you did a great job!"
👆 Image source: Zhan Kuhailuo
Who did the child learn from when he became "dirty"?
Of course, if one day your child suddenly blurts out a sentence of "", don't get angry and anxious, this is actually a happy thing.
Why?
As mentioned earlier, I believe that many parents will shake their heads again and again when they see it: "It doesn't exist! No one in our family said this in front of their children!
But in fact, our children have an amazing ability to imitate.
👆 Image source: Zhan Kuhailuo
From the moment they fall to the ground, they have the primal instinct to imitate the behavior of others and replicate learning.
Newborn babies have the ability to imitate, and when they are 12~30 days old, they can imitate the expressions of adults.
In our primate cerebral cortex, there are specialized cells called mirror neurons, which give humans the ability to imitate, empathize, and understand the intentions of others when they hear a sound or see an action (Rizzolatti et al., 1996, 2004).
By the beginning of 1 year of age, most infants are able to imitate actions and words, even if they have never seen or heard them before (Masur, 1993, Masur & Ritz, 1984).
The role of imitation in language learning is not unique, but children are not sure to say words they have not heard (Kuczaj, 1987). In other words, the child's ability to imitate must have played a role in the first occurrence of a new word (Bloom, 1973, Nelson, 1973).
The whole process of imitation can be immediate, or it can have a certain delay. The so-called delay refers to deferred imitation.
From a very young age, babies have the ability to store memory representations of things that they perceived some time ago, and then imitate them.
This ability develops with age, usually around 1 1/2 years of age, or even earlier. Researchers have found that babies as young as 9 months old can imitate movements seen 5 weeks ago (Schaffer et al., 2008).
👆 Image source: Zhan Kuhailuo
Children can learn and save all kinds of information just by observing.
This is why many parents insist that they never swear in front of their children, but their children do.
Parents may also be confused, my child is not just imitating sounds, they seem to understand the meaning and usage of the word!
This is actually the child's ability to quickly map (Carey & Bartlett, 1978), which means that the child only needs one contact in a situation to associate two or three new words with their underlying meanings (Wilkinson, Ross & Diamond, 2003).
Studies have shown that 2-year-olds are able to understand a new and abstract term with a simple contact (Spiegel & Halberda, 2011) and remember it for more than a month after a single contact (Markson & Bloom, 1997).
Therefore, even if it is in a play, in a shopping mall, on the bus, in a short video, film and television drama, children have heard and seen it once, they are likely to quickly get the meaning and use of the word, and store this information for later imitation and use.
All in all, if your baby suddenly comes to a cruel word, or even a dirty word, don't be in a hurry to get angry, let's first be secretly happy for the child's super imitation ability and language learning ability, and then combine the previous three levels to deal with the situation.
Song Ge, Master of Educational Psychology from Harvard University, has more than 5 years of research experience in education and psychology.
Source丨Lilac Mother Education (ID: dingmashuoyuer), Lilac Mother Education is a parent-child education platform owned by Lilac Mother, where education experts provide professional early education and play guidance services for mothers to help you solve the difficulties encountered in parenting. Lilac Mother Education, focusing on the growth and education of babies aged 1 to 6 years old!
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Reference source丨
[1] Kuczaj SA. Deferred imitation and the acquisition of novel lexical items. First Language. 1987; 7(21):177-182. doi:10.1177/014272378700702102
[2] Markson, L., & Bloom, P. (1997). Evidence against a dedicated system for word learning in children. Nature, 385, 813–815.
[3] Masur, E.F., & Ritz, E.G. (1984). Patterns of gestural, vocal, and verbal imitation performance in infancy. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 30, 369-392.
[4] Masur, E. (1995). Infants' Early Verbal Imitation and Their Later Lexical Development. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 41(3), 286-306. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23087891
[5] Nelson, K. (1973). Structure and strategy in learning to talk. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 38, No. 149.
[6] Rizzolatti，G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V. and Fogassi, L. (1996) Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions, Cognitive Brain Research, 3:131-141.
[7] Rizzolatti，G. & Craighero, L. (2004). The mirror-neuron system. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 27, 169-192.
[8] Schaffer H. R, Hu Qingfen et al. (2008).
[9] Spiegel,C., & Halberda, J.,(2011), Rapid fast-mapping abilities in 2-year-olds, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 109, (1),132-140.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jecp.2010.10.013.
[10] Wilkinson, K., Ross, E., & Diamond, A. (2003). Fast mapping of multiple words: Insights into when “the information provided” does and does not equal “the information perceived.” Applied Developmental Psychology, 24, 739-762.
[1] Kuczaj SA. Deferred imitation and the acquisition of novel lexical items. First Language. 1987; 7(21):177-182. doi:10.1177/014272378700702102
[2] Markson, L., & Bloom, P. (1997). Evidence against a dedicated system for word learning in children. Nature, 385, 813–815.
[3] Masur, E.F., & Ritz, E.G. (1984). Patterns of gestural, vocal, and verbal imitation performance in infancy. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 30, 369-392.
[4] Masur, E. (1995). Infants' Early Verbal Imitation and Their Later Lexical Development. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 41(3), 286-306. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23087891
[5] Nelson, K. (1973). Structure and strategy in learning to talk. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 38, No. 149.
[6] Rizzolatti，G., Fadiga, L., Gallese, V. and Fogassi, L. (1996) Premotor cortex and the recognition of motor actions, Cognitive Brain Research, 3:131-141.
[7] Rizzolatti，G. & Craighero, L. (2004). The mirror-neuron system. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 27, 169-192.
[8] Schaffer H. R, Hu Qingfen et al. (2008).
[9] Spiegel,C., & Halberda, J.,(2011), Rapid fast-mapping abilities in 2-year-olds, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 109, (1),132-140.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jecp.2010.10.013.
[10] Wilkinson, K., Ross, E., & Diamond, A. (2003). Fast mapping of multiple words: Insights into when “the information provided” does and does not equal “the information perceived.” Applied Developmental Psychology, 24, 739-762.
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