Recently, I saw a video that was called by many netizens as "making women who are as strong as eagles cry".
On her 29th birthday, a girl received a video of her father's blessings.
Dad asked her: You are now a qualified "adult", but are you a happy adult?
She takes good care of the whole family, arranges her father's physical examination, helps her sister study, and buys insurance for her mother, and is definitely a mature and sensible "adult".
But Dad felt sorry for her maturity, and felt sorry for her loss of happiness because of maturity.
"What about your blocks, what about your paintings, what about your novels, what about your guitars, the things that make you happy, why are they gone?"
A person who is about to be 30 years old, his father cares not about whether you are married or not, not whether you have a successful career, he even hopes that you will not be so strong, he hopes that you will relax a little, and he hopes that you have the ability to be happy.
is such a simple video, with more than 300,000 likes on major platforms, which has resonated with countless netizens, and everyone has expressed that they cried watching it.
In this stressful modern society, each of us is working tirelessly to become a "qualified adult", and no one tells you to be happy, not even yourself.
is already very tired, but he blames himself for "not working hard enough";
Obviously his heart is in pain, but he denies himself, "As for it, that's it";
I obviously want to change to a new environment countless times, but I ask myself to "be realistic and think twice";
In these silent battles, we learn to be strong, learn to be emotionally stable, learn to weigh the pros and cons, but forget to ask ourselves, "Are you happy?"
"When people reach middle age, I am not happy"
I have a friend who works very hard and has also achieved a lot of success in the worldly sense.
At the age of 30, he bought a house in his hometown with his own efforts.
In the company, I have also climbed to the middle and senior positions, and I have been working hard to study and research, and I want to go to the next level.
However, behind her as an "excellent professional", there is insomnia and anxiety that only she knows.
She tensed her nerves, held her breath, and secretly told herself, "After passing the judicial exam, take a good rest." ”
But when she really passed the bar exam and wanted to relax, she suddenly found that she wouldn't relax at all.
After eating a big meal, she will feel guilty, expensive and fat.
Watching videos, she will feel very uncomfortable, bored, as if she is wasting her life.
When she went out to travel, she felt that it was not just mountains and rivers, and it was not interesting.
Resting and sleeping at home, she couldn't stop the cranky thoughts in her head.
"I must be successful in my career to be happy" or "I only deserve to be happy if my family is harmonious and my children are successful".
This notion of happiness, which presupposes conditionality, seems to be an idea that we have all been instilled in since childhood.
And when you don't complete these "preconditions for happiness", you are not qualified to be happy.
These prerequisites:
It's a "good grade" when you were 15 years old, because your parents will tell you that "your grades are too bad, why are you embarrassed to want to play?".
It's a "good job" at the age of 25, because society will teach you that "don't be greedy for pleasure at this age, you should work hard." ”。
"Good family" at the age of 35, because you will tell yourself "I have nothing now, what qualifies me to be happy." ”。
In order to pursue "happy qualifications", we constantly suppress our true selves.
However, is true happiness necessarily how much you have to be "worthy"?
"Simple, happy middle-aged man"
Recently, I saw such a set of videos, those ordinary and inconspicuous moments, but they were so happy and free.
A courier brother, after delivering the last courier, hummed a little song outside the door of the community, spinning and jumping.
When someone asks him, why are you so happy?
He said: I'm off work today, tomorrow is New Year's Day, I wish you a happy New Year's Day!
It's that simple, because it's the greatest joy to get off work today.
Coincidentally, there was an uncle who was on his way home from work.
There was also an uncle who saw a girl jumping up and down, and the next second he also started to jump.
If you want to say "happy qualifications", in the eyes of many people, they probably don't have any.
But their happiness cannot be hidden.
There are always some people in life who seem to have some mysterious power in their hands, and can maintain a sense of calmness and joy even in the face of adversity.
Their happiness does not come from external rewards, but from a sense of relaxation in life and inner peace.
Many unhappy middle-aged people have lost their inner calmness and happiness in the panic and anxiety of life.
Su Su is a middle-aged woman who seems to have everything, with a successful career and a happy family.
However, whenever night fell, the lonely soul had nowhere to hide, and an inexplicable emptiness and uneasiness surged in her heart.
Over the years, Su Su has driven herself in an almost demanding way – behind every achievement, there is self-criticism and questioning.
"You can do better", this sentence became a lingering shadow in her heart.
Under this invisible pressure, it is difficult for her to be happy, even if she has achieved certain achievements.
Because she always feels that "I haven't worked hard enough" and "I can do better".
Compared with the fantasy "Superman", the real her is always bad and unworthy of being happy.
This is also the reason why many middle-aged people are unhappy - from harsh bad evaluations of themselves, the pursuit of perfection, and the fear of "not perfect".
Driven by this mentality, everyone has become their own harshest referee, and every achievement is scrutinized by themselves, and every mistake is magnified.
Over time, this inner tension and uneasiness transformed into a normal state of life, and happiness became more and more out of reach.
Secondly, when a person is separated from her true self, when she is unable to connect with herself, her ability to be happy is thus lost.
It starts when we constantly adjust our pace to adapt to the rules and expectations of the adult world, trying to succeed in the workplace and play every role in the family.
In the process, our hearts slowly become stiff and dull to the good things in life.
After each success, we only briefly bask in joy, and then quickly plunge into the pursuit of the next goal, forgetting to enjoy the happiness of the moment.
The threshold for happiness seems to be getting higher and higher, and our hearts are becoming more and more difficult to reach that pure, unconditional happiness.
This process of gradually losing happiness is actually a change in our inner cognition and attitude towards life.
We go from appreciating every good thing in life to constantly pursuing more and better, but forgetting that the true meaning of life lies in experiencing and feeling, not just achieving and having.
Happiness, a seemingly simple emotion, has become unattainable because of our neglect and misunderstanding.
"I want you to be a happy adult more than good"
A friend told me a few days ago that she felt so happy the moment she saw the sunshine when she got out of the subway.
On a previous holiday trip, the child suddenly said that he wanted to use his pocket money to buy her a watch, which also made her feel happy in an instant.
In fact, there is happiness everywhere in life, as long as you learn to feel and discover.
Then, you will see that happiness is in the moment when you have the courage to face challenges;
In you see adversity as a moment of growth;
In the moment when you are willing to open your heart and connect with people;
At the moment when you are basking in the sun and wasting time;
In the moment when you are honest with yourself......
So, how can we get back that long-lost key to happiness?
The answer may be simpler than we think – learn to be gentle with yourself.
Specifically, there are the following three methods:
1. Enjoy "daydreaming"
In psychology, daydreaming is a "psychological narrative" with positive connotations.
In Daydream Space, you can feel decompressed, relaxed, and comfortable just by imagining it.
This can help you get rid of anxiety, get a moment of rest, and focus on something that isn't going through a lot of effort.
But for many middle-aged people, it's been a long time since they've daydreamed, or enjoyed.
Because most middle-aged people will unconsciously suppress daydreams when they are about to appear.
"Realistic point";
"At a great age, I still fantasize about unrealistic things every day";
In fact, daydreaming is a good "emotional reliever", and it also contains a lot of our imagination and expectations for the future, as well as our creativity in life.
You can give yourself a "daydream" to trace the things in your dreams through writing, drawing, or any other form of creative activity, which can bring you a lot of joy and avoid being swallowed up by fantasies.
2. Strike a "high-energy pose"
Social psychologist Amy Cardy, a professor at Harvard Business School, specializes in the influence of nonverbal behavior.
She found that there is a direct relationship between human body movements and emotions, and body language has a significant impact on people's brain and psychology - changing posture can change the state of human endocrine cranial nerves.
For example, like "Wonder Woman", standing in a confident, expanding new posture, or posing in a "gourd man" posture can increase the concentration of testosterone, the "dominant hormone", in the body, while reducing the concentration of the stress hormone cortisol, which will have a positive impact on people's mood, thinking and state.
If you want to know more about "High Energy Pose", you can join the "3 Days|Connecting Body and Mind, Blooming in Rhythm" experience camp at DELPH Space.
Happiness is achieved by strengthening the connection with the body.
3. Cultivate new interests and personal hobbies
Expand your life experience and try to develop new personal hobbies.
A rich evening school schedule in Hangzhou's West Lake District
In the workplace, in other areas outside of the home, it is important to find elements that bring you happiness and fulfillment.
This could mean changing career paths, rededicating yourself to a field you're truly passionate about, or finding a better balance in your family and personal life.
When your daily activities align with your inner values and passions, happiness will naturally emerge.
The ability to acquire happiness does not happen overnight.
It requires us to realize that happiness is not a reward from the outside world, but comes from inner peace and contentment.
As we pursue happiness in our midlife journey, we may wish to let go of those external standards and conditions and focus on our inner true feelings.
You don't have to be a mature adult, try to be a happy adult.
*This article was created by Miao Dai, if you need to reprint, please contact for authorization.
Planning丨Bear
Editor丨Li Xiaodou