Source: Free Peacock
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There is a new concept circulating on the Internet, in the past, people raised children to prevent old age, but now they need to guard against children to protect their old age.
In the era of agriculture, due to the limitations of concepts, regions, patriarchy, family and material resources, the fate of parents and children is closely linked and difficult to part with each other.
However, under the wave of industrialization and informatization, all rules are being rewritten, the original restrictions and shackles are broken one by one, the fate of parents and children has begun to diverge, and the distance between them has gradually widened.
In a common example, parents have worked hard to raise their children to adulthood, and after graduating from college, their children go to the big city to work hard, and the mountains and rivers of their hometown have gradually become distant landscapes. If the children take root in other places, their minds will be more focused on their own small family, and the issue of their parents' pension will be less important.
The interests of parents and children are never completely identical. Especially when parents enter their old age and their children who have already started a family, they are more like travelers in two parallel worlds.
First, in terms of the focus of life, the pursuits of parents and children are already different.
As Sima Qian said: "The bustle of the world is all for profit, and the bustle of the world is for profit." "Profit has always been the source of power for human action.
As parents enter their twilight years, their interests shift to enjoying their old age, while their children who have grown up place more emphasis on their careers and achievements. The focus of life of these two is naturally difficult to match. In the past, the concept of raising children to prevent old age was deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, and the constraints of the Confucian culture of filial piety made young people regard filial piety as a top priority. However, nowadays, parents have the pursuit of their parents, and their children have their children's dreams, and both sides move forward separately, which will naturally lead to estrangement and vigilance.
Second, in terms of money and materials, there are also contradictions between parents and children.
When talking about contradictions, we have to mention the word "money". In this materialistic era, even brothers have to settle accounts, and parents and children will turn against each other because of money.
If parents have a lot of money, they will worry that their children will covet them, and if their children are financially independent, they will devote their limited resources to their own small family rather than their parents. Because of "money", the contradiction between parents and children is becoming more and more prominent.
In some cases, for example, some parents are too simple and unscrupulous and give their entire belongings to their children. However, without financial support, they are easily ignored by their children and can no longer be checked and balanced. And vice versa, some children are too simple and defenseless to leave all their savings in the hands of their parents. However, they are shy in their pockets, and they are easily despised and demanded by their parents.
If we pay a little attention to the news, we will find that many children are in court with their parents for a small amount of child support. In their eyes, that little bit of money is far more important than family affection.
In this money-oriented society, the contradiction between money and material things has become more and more acute, so that many people choose to cut off family ties and distort human nature.
Third, at the level of three views and ideology, there are constant conflicts between parents and children.
We often hear the word "estrangement". So what is estrangement? In short, it is the collision and conflict of the three views between people. Everyone has their own three-view stance and value judgment criteria; when the three views of both sides do not agree, it is easy to be dissatisfied and complain.
The three views of parents represent the concepts and cognitions of the older generation, while the three views of children represent the thoughts and pursuits of the younger generation. There are often insurmountable gulps and differences between the two.
Parents may think that their children should have a stable and decent job, while their children may turn their noses up at it and be more interested in pursuing their dreams and interests. In this way, it is easy to cause quarrels and dissatisfaction between the two sides.
Parents may feel that their children should be responsible for their support, money, energy and filial piety, while their children may feel that their parents should respect their choices and lifestyles and should not be overly demanding or interfering in their life decisions. This difference in perception often leads to discord and disputes between the two parties.
You may ask: Is it not possible to reach a compromise between parents and children? Unfortunately, it is not easy to achieve a compromise in real life, and if everyone could easily compromise, there would be no wars and disasters in the world.
When it comes to compromise, parents may think that they are elders and deserve to be accommodated and respected by their juniors, while children may be reluctant to change their positions and beliefs because they are equal, so conflict between the two parties is inevitable.
Fourth, from the perspective of family belonging, parents and children will eventually become only passers-by in each other's lives.
There is an old saying that goes: "When you start a family, you neglect your mother, and when you are a wife, you forget your father." ”
This is an exaggeration, but it illustrates the reality that when children form their own small families, their focus shifts, and they may focus more on their partners and children than on their parents.
A person's energy and time are limited, and when they focus on one area, it is easy to ignore others, and it is almost impossible to do it all.
As their children grow up and become independent, they need to go out to work to make money; they tend to choose the former between survival pressure and filial piety, when their children get married and have their own children to take care of; between offspring and parents, they usually give priority to their children, when their children form their own small families and stay away from their original families; in the choice between small families and original families, they tend to prefer their own small families, which is a true portrayal of human nature.