-01
"Projective identity": what you like, has nothing to do with the other person
Psychologist Klein proposed the "Projective Identity Theory":
A pattern of behavior that leads others to react in a defined way.
For example, ask the other person to do what you think, and impose what you believe on the other person.
This is a big no-no in intimate relationships.
Self-moving giving:
What you like, you think the other person likes, so give the other person everything you like and ask the other person to accept it.
If the other party doesn't accept it, you will still be resentful.
"I'm so good to you, why don't you appreciate it?"
But haven't you thought about it, does what you like have anything to do with the other person?
What you like, the other party may not like.
It's like you like to eat spicy food, no meat is not happy;
The other party doesn't like spicy food, and the diet is light;
Isn't it difficult for a strong man to ask the other person to eat the same as you?
Conceptual reluctance is a disaster for intimacy.
Impose your thoughts and will on the other person, and demand that the other person must do what you say;
If he doesn't, you're angry and you're going to go berserk.
Such a relationship must not go far.
Always remember:
No matter who you are with, don't let them love you the way you like;
This kind of reluctant relationship is a kind of pressure on the other party, and it is a wall for you.
Why bother?
-02
"Emotional neglect": not seeing the real needs of the other person
What dilemma is an intimate relationship most afraid of?
"You don't understand me, and I don't understand you"
"I take care of your emotions and you don't see my needs"
"I can feel your pain and depression, but you can't understand the longing and disappointment"
……
What is Emotional Neglect?
This is a concept in psychology that can be understood as:
Two people live together, and there is no emotional resonance, only a superficial "wine and meat relationship" mode of getting along.
You can eat, drink and be merry, but there is no empathy, no empathy.
Your thoughts, the other party does not understand;
The topic you talked about and the stalk you talked about, the other party either didn't understand it, or couldn't catch it;
You are full of joy to share with the other person, but in exchange for the other person's unhappy words.
You have been wronged outside, and the other party not only does not comfort you, but also speculates that everything is caused by yourself.
"Aren't you wrong?"
"Why do others target you and not others?"
Every time you communicate with each other, you have a feeling of playing the piano to a cow.
It's lovers, it's husband and wife, but the distance between the two hearts is getting farther and farther away.
"I'm on your left, but it's like the Milky Way."
In intimate relationships, what is more terrible than "asexuality" is that there is no communication, no empathy.
Without emotional connection, your relationship will only go downhill.
-03
Avoidance of communication: Good at cold violence
To get started:
Every time there is a conflict, a quarrel, or a difference in ideas, you are willing to take the initiative to communicate with the other party;
Be patient and try to share your true thoughts with each other.
But the other party is more resistant and always doesn't communicate with you.
Emotional mid-term:
Your active communication is only exchanged for cold violence again and again.
It's always you who are talking, the other person is silent, you take the initiative to communicate, and the other person continues to be cold and violent.
TA is like a hedgehog that hides itself in a thorn;
Hide, avoid the problem, and don't care if the behavior hurts you or not.
What is Cold Violence?
It is a form of mental abuse.
Their silence is deafening, and their silence will exhaust your patience little by little, wear down your love, until it will force you into an ugly, angry, and hideous appearance.
He looks at you from a high place, despises you, and looks at you coldly, as if all this has nothing to do with him.
Avoiding communication is arguably the most destructive behavior in intimate relationships.
When you have nothing to say, when you open your mouth is accusation or invective;
This kind of opposite, loving and killing each other, will make the party with poor psychological tolerance on the verge of collapse.
Whoever can't stand it first will flee from this bad relationship.
Topic:
Which behavior hurts the most feelings?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, original family, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.