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My name is Zhang Shufen and I am 52 years old. Since I was a child, my family was poor, and my parents worked outside the home all the year round, so my sister and I had to rely on relatives to get by. When I was 16 years old, I dropped out of school to work in a factory to help support my family. Unexpectedly, my parents died not long after, and I, the eldest in the family, had to shoulder the burden of supporting my sister early.
"Bitter, why is life so hard? Why is God always so unfair?" I often think bitterly. The factory's meager income was simply not enough to cover the expenses of the two sisters. During those days, I often wept bitterly in the dead of night, praying that God would give me a way out.
Although I have also fantasized about marrying into a wealthy family and turning over, the reality is often very skinny. I knew I had nothing to do but continue to work hard. Yes, I'm still young, and as long as I work hard, I will definitely be able to change the status quo and let my sister live a good life. With such hope, I survived the darkest of years.
In 1998, when I was 26 years old, fate pushed me into the abyss. By chance, at the door of the store, a brightly dressed middle-aged woman took the initiative to hook up with me.
"Hey, little sister, do you want to make a lot of money? Follow Auntie, you don't have to suffer anything. She smiled slyly.
I was really struggling with the low income and was skeptical of the woman's words. Seeing that I had no objection, she led me to an inn and pushed the door open.
"That's what we do, you know, as long as we can sell it for a good price, life will be much better. The woman explained to me, and took out a stack of bills and shook it in front of me, seductive.
I looked at the money, and my heart was greedy. Thinking of my sister's living expenses, I gritted my teeth and agreed. At that moment, my life was on a road of no return.
"Don't be afraid, if Lao Tzu gives money, you will be my person. His coarse tone made me sick.
I was ruthless, closed my eyes, and began to serve him. Despite the physical resistance, I kept telling myself that it was for my sister. In this way, I embarked on a long road of prostitution, suffering humiliation and pain unimaginable to ordinary people.
In this way, I gradually fell in the wind and dust. Day and night, I received all kinds of guests and was treated as cheaper items. Sometimes I can't help it, and I secretly cry in the dark. But more often than not, I can only feign numbness and try to get paid.
It wasn't until 2005 that an unexpected pregnancy completely changed the course of my life. I was 34 years old at the time, and I thought that this was the way I was going. Who knew that during a living, I don't know if I was careless, I was pregnant.
The prenatal days were too hard. Due to the peculiarities of my profession, I didn't dare to tell anyone, so I had to hold it alone. During the 10 months of pregnancy, I often bled from my lower body and had abdominal cramps, as if my stomach had been torn apart. But I had to keep picking up customers because I had to support myself.
Finally, on a 2006 night, I was in the alley. There was cold sweat on my chest and back, and the pain was so painful that I almost lost consciousness. Fortunately, in the end, with the help of passers-by, a baby boy was successfully born. Looking at that little life, I burst into tears, and my heart was mixed: happy, because I had a son; is sad because he can't give him a complete family; I'm ashamed, because my own children look down on me.
But no matter what, the arrival of my son gave me a new reason to live. I was determined to reform him, to devote myself to finding a way out of this world.
In the months following the birth, I took a break from the dust. I moved into a small rental house and started a hard life of childcare. During the day, I worked hard at home to do some small manual work to subsidize my living expenses; At night, I begged for food with my son.
In this way, the son grew up. Looking at his innocent smiling face, my heart is often filled with warmth and hope. Yes, I must get him out of this dirty environment and live a decent life in the future. So, I began to work hard to make money, and by relying on diligence and thrift, I finally rented a slightly larger house for my son near a primary school, giving him a clean environment to grow up.
Since then, I have put all my hope in my son. He is also a good boy, excellent in character and learning, and is deeply loved by teachers and classmates.
In his third year of high school, his son almost threw himself into the sea of books in order to go to a key university. I see it in my eyes, and it hurts in my heart. In the dead of night, I would sneak into his room, look at his sweaty figure, and shed tears of shame.
And my son didn't know anything about it, he just thought I was secretly cheering him on. Actually, I also put all my energy into my son's revision. Not only do I have to work hard to pick up customers to earn money to pay for his tuition, but I also have to be on call 24 hours a day, serving him water, cooking, cleaning, and giving him a stable environment.
Finally, with my full dedication, my son was admitted to Peking University as he wished. That day, when I saw the acceptance letter, I was almost ecstatic. Yes, my son can finally get rid of my filthy family and move towards a decent society!
"Son, you can finally raise your eyebrows! You are from Peking University, and you will be a person of knowledge and status in the future! Mom is proud of you!" I hugged my son excitedly, tears rolling down my face.
The son was obviously very happy: "Mom, it is your careful cultivation that has brought you to where you are today! I will definitely let you live a good life in the future and repay your kindness for raising you!"
In the summer when his son was admitted to Peking University, a heartbreaking accident happened. It was a weekend and I was at home doing my chores when my son came back out of nowhere.
"Mom, I'm back. He shouted happily and pushed the door open.
I was sitting in the living room watching TV, a few used condoms and a stack of cash on a messy coffee table next to me. I was at a loss and tried to pack up the things, but my son looked at me.
"W-what's going on?" The son's eyes widened, and his face was full of shock and disbelief.
My heart sank and my whole body trembled. I know that my son will finally know my dirty secrets all these years.
"You're a whore! How could I have a mother like you!" The son finally broke out and kicked over the coffee table next to him, "What have you been doing all these years? How many years have you lied to me? I was so ridiculous, I always thought you were a diligent worker, but I didn't expect you to be a prostitute!"
"Explain what? You're a shitty bitch! I'd rather not have a mom than a mom like you!" My son roared, knocked over the tables and chairs in the room, and slapped me twice.
"Get out, you slut, get out of here! From today onwards, you're not my mom!" My son drove me frantically, dragging me to kick me out of the house.
In the end, the son left the house without looking back. I squatted on the ground, tears drenched all over the ground, and my heart was like a knife. I know that my relationship with my son has completely broken down since today.
After running away from home, my son took a break from a friend's place. He locked himself in his room and didn't come out for days, in a state of unprecedented mental trauma.
So, the son made up his mind to go home and apologize to his mother. But when he returned home, he found that the family had already returned to its original owner.
The son was completely desperate, and he began to regret his reckless behavior. If he hadn't been confused for a while, how could he have let his mother suffer such a blow and hurt? He began to hate himself, this unfair world, and his own paranoia.
For a whole week, the son was immersed in self-blame and remorse. He began to doubt life and saw no hope or way out. At this time, a friend came to visit him and half-jokingly said, "Brother, you are too pessimistic too." Aren't you also a top student of Peking University, and you will be able to be a teacher in the future and live a good life that everyone envies. "
"You're right!" The son suddenly realized, and a bright hope suddenly appeared in his mind. Yes, I shouldn't just give up, the only thing I have to do now is to try to find my mother's whereabouts and make amends to her so that I can make amends for my mistakes!
After making up his mind, the son began the difficult road to find his mother. He started with the clues stored in the family and traced his mother's whereabouts everywhere.
"Your mother has the skills of the past, although she is a little older, she is still quite popular. But I haven't seen her in the last few years, so I guess she changed careers or moved. The proprietress chattered.
The son had no choice but to continue the investigation. Based on the clues of the proprietress, he inquired in several inns where his mother frequented back then, and finally got some new clues from an old prostitute.
"Oh, you're talking about Sister Fen, I'm still an old acquaintance with her. She later rented a rental room to take on regular clients who were not interested in young prostitutes. But recently, there has been no news, and some people say that she may have been poached by the newly opened high-end club. The old prostitute explained to her son.
The son hurriedly rushed to the high-end club in the city center to inquire, but returned in vain. Just when he was helpless, an unexpected opportunity led him to learn of his mother's possible whereabouts.
One day, my son happened to see a familiar figure in a small hotel on the side of the road. He chased in, and when he took a closer look, it turned out to be an old friend of his mother in the dust!
"Auntie, have you ever heard of the whereabouts of my mother Zhang Shufen?" The son stepped forward and held the man down.
"Your mother, it seems that you have settled in a small hotel in Shunyi District. The man thought for a moment and gave a new clue.
With this clue, the son rushed to Shunyi District. Along the way, his heart was surging with stirring thoughts like a rain of sweet rain for a long time.
Mom, how much have you suffered over the years? For me, you have traveled thousands of miles, given up all the prospects of life, and finally fell into the quagmire of wind and dust. But I ruthlessly kicked you out of the house and pushed you to where you are today.
Mom, you must forgive me for being narrow-minded and stupid. From now on, I will compensate you with all my efforts so that you can live a healthy and decent life. When I graduate, I will be employed immediately so that you can live a carefree life. Let's start anew and work together for a better future!
With such determination, my son came to Shunyi District. He took the address and chased him from one small hotel to another, and finally, in an unknown small shop, he found his long-missing mother.
When he opened the door of the small inn, his son saw a familiar figure. I saw that my mother was skinny, yellow and thin, and she was like two people. She was sitting alone on the edge of the bed, her expression gloomy.
"Mom!" The son jumped up and hugged her tightly, tears welling up in his eyes, "I'm sorry Mom, it's my son who is too ignorant, you must forgive your son!"
"No, Mom, it's your son who is too narrow-minded! You have broken your heart and liver in order to raise your son, but your son has no understanding of your hardships, and you have sunk to this point. It's all your son's fault, don't blame yourself!"
Mom nodded, smiling for the first time in a long time.
In this way, the mother and son began a new life. The son is like a family treasure, serving his mother to eat, drink and live. The mother also cheered up and began to take care of the household chores for her son.
The two re-established an intimate relationship. It's just that sometimes, the mother will be ashamed of herself, thinking that she has left too much shadow on her son. And every now and then, her son would comfort her: "Mom, let it pass." You made that sacrifice for me, and I will always admire you. From now on, let's work hard for a happy future together!"
Yes, the path of life is not eclectic. Everyone gets lost and wanders. But as long as you keep a pure heart, as long as you have the love and support of your relatives, you will definitely be able to find a bright way out again.