1. Why parents don't believe that their children have feelings of guilt and self-blame
What kind of family can't believe that a lying child has a sense of guilt and self-blame?
Parents project, children bear
Parents think that if my child feels guilty and blames himself, he will go to school, and he must be confronting me at home and making me uncomfortable, so the child lies flat.
Let the child study hard, he can't do it, how can he be a good child?
The child is well fed, warmly dressed, and the biggest expenses of the family are given to him, why should he lie flat?
Parents do not recognize the possibility that their child's mental nutrition is not enough for him to cope with the outside world.
Parents do not admit that they have done wrong and do not bear the mistakes of parenting methods
Our focus is on parenting relationships, not parents.
Because no matter how good a parent is, it is possible to take the wrong way in parent-child interaction.
After all, we grew up and didn't learn how to be parents.
Instead of focusing on who is right and who is wrong, the relationship itself may have been misplaced.
I don't believe that the child is the main body of learning, I don't believe in the child, and I don't accept lying flat
Parents do not accept real children.
He thinks that my child is just a child, where does the guilt come from, where does the self-blame come from?
My child is actually a person with an emotion, and he will have fears.
He's going to be scared, isn't he just a doll?
Isn't he an extension of my life?
How could he have real emotions of his own.
The child lies flat, and the parents are covered with anxiety, fear, guilt, shame, and feel that the child is dying socially.
Parents feel that as long as their children go back to school, these fears and anxieties are gone, and they don't want their children to feel guilty, and they don't need to blame themselves, they just want their children to lie flat today and go back tomorrow.
But it's very difficult.
One of the funny things is that my dad would joke to my daughter, "Would you like to study a little more for my grandfather?"
It sounds embarrassing to me, but that's what most parents think.
"I've been so good to you, why don't you read more for me?"
Parents love the child they are looking forward to more than the child in front of them.
The child's lying flat state, the vulnerability of failure and incompetence is not accepted by the parents.
The higher the parents' expectations, the greater the child's guilt.
Unwilling to admit that they are bad parents
Whether it is good for a person or not is to ask the child, not the parents.
It's for his good to let him eat meat, it's good for him to learn English, it's good for him to go to bed at nine, and it's good for him to stop playing games.
This is all because parents are unwilling to bear their own "selfish" guilt.
Parents replace the child's ability to make decisions on his own, and he does not believe that the child has the internal motivation to do so.
2. The source of adolescent guilt and self-blame
Normal guilt and self-blame are the mediators of adolescence and are a necessary stage of adolescence.
In adolescence, after recognizing the rules of society, the concentration itself will be higher than in other periods.
Our adolescent children are easily exposed, and many of them have too strong a sense of morality to apply flexibly.
Many children may be a person who is prone to guilt before lying flat, and after lying flat, the guilt will be aggravated.
I'm different from other children.
I didn't expect it from my parents.
I didn't expect it from my own,
As a result, it enters a cycle of negative emotions, and internal friction is serious.
2. What is the reason for too much guilt in teenagers?
Academic stress: When teens encounter challenges or failures in their studies, they may feel guilty and blamed, believing that they are not doing as well as they should or that they are not doing well enough.
Many parents are sacrificial parenting, constantly passing on everything for the good of their children.
For example: I cook a table of food, why don't you eat a few more bites for me?
If I don't divorce your father, isn't it just for you?
I've worked hard, why don't you study hard?
These casual words can make children feel guilty.
He couldn't tell what was his mother's and what was his own.
He was torn between whether to listen to his own voice or listen to his parents' voice, internal friction, and finally gave up and lay flat.
Social relationships: Conflicts and disappointments in friendships, romantic relationships, or family relationships between teens can lead to guilt and self-blame. They may feel that they should handle it better or be more empathetic
Body image: Dissatisfaction with one's body image or experiencing physical humiliation can also lead teens to feel guilty and blame for not being good enough or unworthy of acceptance. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and easy to devalue one's abilities and worth.
Bad behavior: If teens do not behave well in some areas or make bad choices, they may feel guilty and blame, feel that they have caused harm to others or themselves, have a tendency to be self-responsible and over-apologize.
Family problems: Teens may feel guilty and blame for tensions within the family, disappointment in intimate relationships, or dissatisfaction with family members, even if the problems are not entirely self-inflicted.
3. Lying flat is also beneficial
Cognitive Reflection and Growth:
Guilt and self-blame can prompt adolescents to reflect deeply on their actions and decisions, and to learn from them. By thinking about their own mistakes or mistakes, they have the opportunity to recognize their own shortcomings
and look for ways to improve that will foster personal growth and development.
Build a sense of accountability:
Guilt and self-blame help adolescents build sense of responsibility and self-management. By acknowledging their mistakes and accepting the consequences, they learn to take responsibility for their actions and gradually develop a mature sense of responsibility.
Maintain self-identity.
A certain degree of guilt and blame can reflect the importance that adolescents attach to their own behavior and their desire for higher standards.
When they are able to overcome guilt and blame and take positive action to make up for mistakes or improve situations, they can gain a stronger sense of self-identity and accomplishment.
Self-punishment brings a sense of security
Lying flat on a child's guilt and self-blame is a form of self-punishment that will lead to a sense of control.
Your child will feel:
I was able to control myself, and I didn't wait for others to punish me, I punished myself.
I can control and punish me, and I don't need to endure the uncertainty of others punishing me.
Avoid confronting deeper emotions:
Guilt and self-blame may be a way for teens to escape deeper emotions. They may avoid facing more difficult emotions to deal with, such as fear, anger, or feelings of helplessness, by focusing on their own faults and responsibilities.
Get attention and support from others:
Sometimes, guilt and self-blame can also be a way to gain attention and support from others. By showing guilt and self-blame, teens may attract attention and sympathy from family, friends, or teachers to get the support and affection they need.
Maintain Stability in Relationships:
In some cases, guilt and self-blame may help maintain the stability of relationships. Teens may take the initiative to make up for mistakes or solve problems because of guilt, thus reducing the relationship with him
Human conflict and friction.
4. How to solve children's guilt?
Eliminating guilt in a lying flat child requires parents to adopt some positive strategies that are designed to help children understand and accept their emotions while encouraging them to find inner motivation and purpose.
1. Understand and accept your child's feelings of guilt:
First, parents should recognize that their child's guilt may stem from the gap between what they expect of themselves and what they actually do. Parents should have an open and honest conversation with their children, understand their feelings, and express understanding and acceptance of their emotions.
2. Avoid using guilt as a manipulative tool:
Parents should avoid using their children's feelings of guilt to manipulate their behavior. This behavior can lead to long-term emotional problems and damaged self-esteem in children.
3. Help your child explore himself:
Adolescence is an important stage of self-exploration. Parents can stimulate their inner drive by providing support and resources that help their children discover their interests and passions.
4. Establish a positive family environment:
Create a loving and inclusive family atmosphere where children feel safe and accepted, regardless of their grades. Such an environment can help children remain resilient in the face of challenges.
5. Educate your child to face failure:
Parents should educate their children that failure and setbacks are part of growing up, not something they should be ashamed of. Through such education, children can learn to learn from their failures instead of running away or blaming themselves.
6. Provide a positive role model:
Parents should set a positive example for their children through their own behavior, showing how to deal with stress and frustration. When parents are able to respond positively to difficulties, children are more likely to learn similar coping strategies.
7. Encourage your child to set reasonable goals:
Help children set achievable goals so they can boost their self-confidence by achieving them instead of feeling guilty for not being able to meet their expectations too high.
Through these methods, parents can help their children overcome feelings of guilt, find their own direction, and stimulate their motivation and creativity. It is important that parents always provide support and understanding so that children know that they do not have to feel ashamed or guilty about their feelings.