Yesterday afternoon, I was still sprinkling fertilizer, and I received a call from a relative to introduce a person to me to know the matter, some time ago I have been busy picking tea to shirk, now not too busy even my mother urged me to see, saying that relatives will not harm me, forced to meet me
I have a relative who is relatively close to me and wants to introduce me to a partner, to be honest, I don't want to go, what kind of society is there now, and what kind of parents' orders and matchmakers' words are still in vogue before? I have mentioned it many times, and I have been looking for excuses to shirk it.
Besides, I have a mediocre appearance, neither the beauty of sinking fish and geese, nor the appearance of a shy flower in the closed moon, and it is not an exaggeration to say that the big fat man is ugly, and I am not inferior but truth-seeking to state the facts.
So I didn't have any hope, a few days ago after the medicine did not have tea picking, I really can't shirk it, yesterday relatives called to arrange to see in the evening, I had to reluctantly agree, even my parents supported me to go and see, to be honest, it was purely to give relatives a face to go.
Relatives and the man drove to pick me up, gave us a brief introduction to each other in the car, we nodded and said hello to each other, no one had anything extra to say, the atmosphere became very awkward, relatives in order to resolve the embarrassment, said that we haven't had dinner yet, why don't we go to eat hot pot!
So we went to the county seat and found a hot pot restaurant on the street to sit down, we didn't choose to eat in the hall, but chose to eat under the umbrella outside. He asked us whether to eat red soup or clear soup? I said casually, and my relatives said let's order a mandarin duck pot, she has a cold these days, a little uncomfortable, can't eat too spicy, and everything else is fine.
Taking advantage of the fact that my relatives got up to answer the phone, he told me that he really couldn't push it before he came to see me, and I didn't want to say it directly, and I wasn't angry, but I still smiled on my face: "What a coincidence, so am I." ”
He said that I can take what I like to eat, and I said that it doesn't matter what you order, I eat, I don't care.
At this time, the waiter had already brought the bottom of the pot up, and the aroma of the hot pot came to my face instantly, so I opened a set of sterilized dishes and took the bowl to the side to mix the seasoning.
I had finished the seasoning, and he sat down and said, "Since we have all come, even if it is pretending, we are simply pretending to be like it, would you be interested in hearing my story?"
I want to make it clear that in this article, I have not misinterpreted his original meaning in the slightest, and I have used my own language to describe it, because he wants to explode a foul sentence from time to time, and I can't write it, otherwise the platform will tick me with a red curve, prompting me to be suspected of uncivilized language
At that time, night had fallen, and a light rain was falling, beating on the umbrella cloth above our heads, just like his story, poignant and lingering.
"I've had three relationships in total," he told me truthfully. "Haha, what a coincidence, me too! I still have three relationships!" "The old scumbag should also be counted as one, right? How can there be such a coincidence in this world? If I wasn't in my 40s, I would think that I must have stepped on a monkey's poop.
He said: "I like to listen to old songs, every time in the dead of night, I always play a familiar old song on a loop over and over again, I sink in the song, looking back on the years that have passed, suddenly like a dream......"
I said, "I also like to listen to old songs, but I don't play them in the dead of night, I play them in broad daylight, I'm tired every day, I sleep at night, and I don't have time to reminisce about the past." ”
At this time, the relatives also came back after the call, and saw that we had a good chat, and it seemed that we had a good conversation, so she was a little surprised to exchange the spices.
"I'm 48 years old, the first of my three relationships was marriage, and my daughter just celebrated her 12th birthday and I got divorced," he said. ”
Relatives came over and sat down with the seasoning, and said casually: "More than ten years have passed in a flash, and time flies so fast!"
He said: "I still remember vividly that day I ordered a birthday cake for my daughter, fried her and her daughter's favorite dishes, and sat at the table quietly waiting for my daughter to come back from school and playing cards. ”
Soon my daughter came back from school, and the food was almost cold, and she came back impatiently after being urged by my phone call. When she entered the door, she complained to me, saying that I called her and made her lose more than a hundred.
I didn't say anything more, pulled out a stool and asked her to sit down: "Let's celebrate our daughter's birthday, maybe there won't be such an opportunity in the future." ”
My daughter was so immersed in the joy of her birthday that she completely ignored my words, she looked at me as if she had realized something, and said nothing, we sang a birthday song to my daughter together, and asked her to make a wish to blow out the candles.
I asked my daughter what she had wished, and she pouted, "Oh, Dad, it won't work!" After a while, she couldn't help but tell me, "I hope Mom and Dad can add a little brother or sister to me, and someone will accompany me when you are not at home in the future." ”
It is said that men don't flick when they have tears, but before they are sad, my daughter's words make my eyes moist, but my daughter's wish is destined to fail, and we are afraid that she will be disappointed.
That night, we were lying back to back in bed, and I said to her: "You have wronged you with me all these years, I have decided to let go and return your freedom, and tomorrow we will take the time to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get the divorce certificate!"
She was silent for a long time, and I felt her shoulders shake, followed by her low sobs.
I turned on my phone to play Li Shengjie's "Hand Release", and the lyrics were all what I wanted to say to her: "When the tears remain, the wound has been overloaded, and separation is another understanding, the last love I give you is to let go of the hand, not a double bed, with a sea in between." The stain of feelings is left to time to slowly bleach, put love into the left pocket of your chest, and the last love is to let go of your hand......"
She cried louder and louder in the song, and I rolled over and hugged her tightly in my arms: "Don't wake up my daughter, let me hug you again, hug you one last time!" I buried my face in her long hair and sniffed her hair greedily.
In fact, from the very beginning when we planned to enter the marriage hall, I knew that we would not go to the end, but I still did my best to accompany her and our daughter through 12 springs, summers, autumns and winters.
I was limited in my ability to give her the life she wanted, and I always hoped that she would support me and be my strong backing. Who would have thought that for so many years, she has always dragged me back, so that I can't work and engage in a career with peace of mind, she doesn't care about her daughter's family, she just wants to play cards chic, and I have to drag my tired body to clean up the housework and cook for my daughter after a hard day.
For many nights, she didn't even return all night, and I woke up to feel the empty side of my body and often thought crankily, kept my eyes open until dawn, and went to work the next day.
I know that she didn't take a fancy to me at the beginning, it was me who chased her with a dead face, and I climbed her high. So in the more than ten years I have been with her, no matter how difficult the family is, I haven't let her go to work for a day, and all the money I earn is handed over to her except for the family's expenses, and I want to provide and support her, and spoil her like a daughter.
Now that I think about it, my thoughts are simply humble and ridiculous, and now, the family has not taken care of it, the money has not been earned, and the marriage is difficult to continue.
She felt that I was locked in a cage and lost my freedom, and I didn't get the happiness I deserved, although I married the woman I loved the most, she never gave me a good face after getting married, and we rarely had a married life after having a daughter.
Every time I approached her, I felt her resistance obviously, and I didn't have any interest in it later. I love her, even if I decide to let her go! I can't bear to see her sullen all day, and I can't accept that we are lying in the same bed and separated by a sea!
When the man said this, tears slipped from the corners of his eyes, and the pedestrians on the street hurried with umbrellas, and I pulled out a few pieces of paper and handed them over, and he thanked him in a low voice.
The relative picked up the hairy belly and poured it into the pot that had been boiled: "Seriously, XX is too much, put such a good day, but such a good blessing is not ......"
The man calmed down and said: "I can bear the pain of losing her, but I am sorry for our daughter, it was my wishful thinking that brought her into this world, but I irresponsibly couldn't keep her mother! Our unhappy marriage has left a shadow on our children, and people in their twenties don't even want to talk about love." ”
The most uncomfortable thing is to let my parents worry about it, but I have never regretted my original choice, she is the catastrophe that I can't escape in my life!
I am now alone, with a lot of debts, and I never dare to tell anyone, for fear that my relatives and friends will worry about me.
My mother is not in good health, and at the age of 70, she is still cleaning in the community, trying to help me share a little pressure, and my father has to take various medicines every month to maintain his life.
In fact, as early as ten years before our divorce, she planned to divorce me when my child was two years old, and I insisted on it for so many years, and I never hated her for betraying me. When I choked her and the man on the bed, my heart was dripping blood, but I put my raised hand down, and I was reluctant to hit her!
I'm going to beat that man, she holds me and begs me, yes, she's always known my weakness, I can't see her crying, I can't see her sad!
I had no choice but to let him go, and that night she had never been more active than ever, and I decided to forgive her, even though she still smelled of other men, and we were still crazy. That's what I thought: even if I can't accompany her through this life, even if I hold on for another year, just like that, I gritted my teeth and persevered year after year......
In fact, I can't hold on to the girl before her birthday, I understand that I can't deceive myself anymore, she has been in contact with him, and she has made up her mind, and the twisted melon will not be sweet, so when the girl finishes her birthday, I will fulfill her, I don't want her to suffer with me, and the last love I give her is to let go!
He told his story, as if it was very painful, and I couldn't help but be a little glad: although I have experienced life and death in this life, I really don't seem to be as painful as him
In the three years after the divorce, I had a worse and worse life, especially when I came home from work alone, and the feeling of being quiet and lonely made me unable to accept it.
I used to hate money, I broke up a lot of love and friendship, at that time my thinking was extreme, I was left with only a shell, and my daughter was taken care of by her parents.
I can work hard to make money, but I will also indulge myself with money without hesitation, and then I regret it, but there is nothing to regret when I think about it.
He kept saying that he rarely used chopsticks, and my relatives and I listened to him quietly while soaking in the hot pot.
After the divorce for many years, I met a person of the opposite sex, one year older than my ex-wife, we have been together for two years, she is very good to me, but I can't give her the life she wants, she has mentioned remarriage to me several times, I did not reply positively.
Because we are all emotionally hurt people, I can't guarantee that there will be no chicken feathers in our married life, and I don't want everyone to be hurt again. To put it bluntly, I'm afraid of getting married, and I'm willing to live with her like this, but I don't want to get married.
Later, she said that she couldn't wait for me, she wanted to have a stable home, to have someone who loved her, to be able to say good morning and good night to her in her ear every day, she really couldn't stand my imminent departure, and we broke up peacefully.
After separating from her, I met a 96-year-old girl again in half a year, this time it was different, she had a family, because she was lonely, sad, and helpless no one to talk to, I became her loyal listener.
Just chatting and chatting, I got together with her, she was very good to me, the day she first wanted to untie my clothes, I grabbed her hand and didn't agree, I said you have to think about it, although this society, this kind of thing is a common phenomenon, but I have my principles and bottom line, you must know that you are only three years older than my daughter, to put it bluntly, we are two generations.
But then we couldn't help but fall, and we were together for a whole year and a half, and during that year and a half, we got to know each other more deeply. Although we have a physical relationship, I always told her to live well with her husband, because it is not easy for him, and the most important thing is that I saw my former self in him.
I made myself a third party who I despised myself, but I was doing my best to help support her work and family. I regarded her as a sister, as a confidant, and later as she was my relative, and the more I came later, the stronger the feeling of family became.
But after all, after the inner struggle and the helplessness of reality, she couldn't bear to see my dedication for her, and I didn't want to be a stumbling block on the road to her being a good wife and mother, so we slowly became estranged and strange.
Admittedly, I still have a place in my heart, and I just tried to control myself from thinking about it, and he pulled at his hair in some pain.
Since then, I have no interest in anything, especially feelings, and I don't even want to go out alone, I don't want to touch the scene, I don't want to experience the temptation of this flowery world, I just feel so tired, tired that I don't have the energy to take care of anything.
It is said that people who have really experienced the feelings of digging out their hearts and lungs will lose half of their lives for this, and I don't know if my three half-lives and half of them are borrowed from the next life? If so, I will pay it back in the next life. After all, everything is done willingly, even if it doesn't work out, but I don't regret that I once loved!
I poured a glass of boiling water and handed it to him: "We have all eaten almost, you should eat as much as you want!" Zhang Xiaoxian said that the best way to forget a relationship is time and new love, if you still can't forget, it proves that the time is not long enough, and the new love is not good enough. Maybe one day in the future you will meet someone who will give you all the three half-lives you lost, and you will be reborn!"
He smiled bitterly: "It's so easy to talk about!" He beckoned the waiter to call for a bowl of white rice, asked for a plate of kimchi, casually fished some vegetables into the pot, and put down the chopsticks after a few strokes of the bowl of rice.
After this meal, a total of 203 yuan, the boss erased the change, he was about to scan the code to pay when I said AA!
He looked at me in a daze and said, "I'm a man, please have a meal on a blind date, even if you can't entertain a meal, it's nothing." ”
I still insist on my own opinion, my relatives are out of line, say AA is AA, she was ready to scan the code to pay her share, I stopped her and said: "You have so much heart for our affairs, this meal, the two of us AA please you!"
He was stunned for a few seconds, gave up the mobile phone payment, took out 100 yuan from the pocket behind his pants and put it with my 100 yuan, beckoned the boss to collect the money and left.
On the way back, the wind and rain stopped for a short time, and everyone didn't say a word. He played Yuquan's punishment on a loop in the car: "Beautiful memories are scattered in the wind like falling leaves, and the world is instantly shattered, this time I made you break your heart, and you will be punished and break your love, so that you can find a conclusive reason to sentence us both to death, this time I made you break your heart, and you will be punished for losing you, and remorse will be deeply seared in my life, and lifelong regrets will follow me like a shadow......"
When they had listened almost four times, they were on the side of the road in front of my house, and I politely said goodbye to them, and they nodded and drove away.
When I got home, I had just finished washing up and lay down in bed, and a relative's phone called, and I complained about why I wanted AA, and asked me how I felt? She said that you are the best match for the chicken and the dragon, and I will find you the dragon one.
I didn't answer her, but asked her, "Auntie, what do you think is the result of climbing Mount Everest without any equipment?"
My relative was obviously stunned, and she didn't squeak for a long time, and she couldn't understand why I was asking such a question, and after a while, she asked me, "What do you mean by that?"
I said: "If you don't have the equipment to climb Mount Everest, there is only one end - to find death! Although his external situation seems to be similar, it is difficult for a person who has someone else in his heart to enter his heart, not to mention that he has not only pretended to be one, but also three! I am in my 40s and I don't want to toss anymore, I myself am desperately struggling to protect myself, how can I have the ability to help him pick up the lost half life!"
The relative was obviously very disappointed, she said that she saw that we had a hot chat, and thought there was a drama, but it turned out to be such an ending, she was a little difficult to digest, saying that the past has passed, and it is not good to care about those who start over? Hehe, how can the reality be so easy?#农村寡妇的日常心声#