Author: The main creative group Fengzi
Recently, I saw a hot post on Zhihu:
How can you persuade a selfish child to give up a PhD?
Here's the thing.
The blogger has a 26-year-old son who is an undergraduate and graduate student at the University of Jinan.
Because of the poor economic conditions of the family, the husband has always been doing odd jobs on the construction site, and there is no pension, so he can only rely on subsistence allowance.
Therefore, when her son was in his third year of graduate school, she helped her son find a job early, which was a chip factory near her home, with a monthly salary of 9,500.
But while she and her husband were waiting for their son to earn money to support the family, his son was admitted to the Southern University of Science and Technology for a doctorate.
Because she didn't understand this, she went to ask her neighbors and learned that it was not 985, nor 211, it was not a key school, and she was also giving money to people when she read.
She and her relatives took turns to persuade the boy to give up studying for a doctorate, and even got into several fights because of it.
The topic has as many page views as high as 1100w+, and netizens are crazy about complaining: Ignorant parents are the most ruinous children.
Yes, with the limited level of knowledge of this pair of parents, they will not know that they can get allowances and bonuses for doctoral studies. Southern University of Science and Technology is one of the universities with higher salaries for doctoral students in China, with an annual income of at least 100,000 yuan.
With their vision, it is even more impossible to know that the lower limit after completing the doctorate is very high, and the minimum salary will not be lower than 9,500 yuan in the factory.
After reading it, I sighed.
In many cases, the biggest obstacle to education is not the lack of children's own knowledge and ability, but the poverty of parents' cognition.
Every child is born like clay for porcelain, and how parents shape it has a prototype.
Parents are far-sighted, and there are hills and valleys in their chests, so that children can continue to climb upward.
In the cognition of parents, the ending of the child's life has long been written.
Parents' cognition determines their children's vision
Reporter @Chin Chen once conducted field interviews at the factory.
In the interview, there was a boy named Li Jia, who was taken by his parents to a small underwear town in Chendian, Shantou when he was 7 years old.
Since then, his life and bra have never been separated.
Because my parents and sister both work in the town's bra factory, most of my classmates' families are also engaged in this industry.
Therefore, when he was disgusted with the boredom of reading, he naturally followed his parents to stay in the underwear factory.
In the eyes of parents, studying is a matter of spending money, and it is good to come out early to work.
But after working for a while, Li Jia began to get tired of boring work again.
He would love to escape from the bra factory and go outside, but he didn't dare, because there was only a bra factory in his world.
Because of the limitations of his vision, he can only repeat the fate of his fathers.
At a young age, he imprisoned his whole life on the assembly line of making underwear.
Lao She once said in the book: "Experience is the fertilizer of life, what kind of experience will become what kind of person, and you can't raise peonies in the desert." ”
The first source of a child's experience is the perception of his parents.
The insight and vision that the child inherits from his family will become a cage that he will never be able to get out of.
Airport security officer @林一舟 once said what he regretted the most.
Since she was a child, her parents often told her that a stable job is better than anything else.
Therefore, even if she has been in the cold for more than ten years, she was successfully admitted to 985 University majoring in finance, and received offers from many large companies as soon as she graduated.
She still resolutely gave up her promising job in the big city and ran back to her hometown.
In order to go to the county to interview for a job as an airport security screener.
At that time, teachers and friends advised her to think clearly.
But she still stubbornly believes that job stability is the most important thing.
Now, seeing that her former classmates are thriving one by one, only she receives a salary of four or five thousand a month, and she is worried about whether this small airport will be closed, she is annoyed, but she is helpless.
Parents are the first window for children to know the world.
What parents "feed" their children from an early age, what vision the child will have.
Parents have a broad understanding, and children can become the eagle that soars in the sky.
Parents' cognition shapes their children's three views
In the movie "Growing Up Education", the parents of the heroine Jenny are particularly utilitarian and pursue the concept of money first.
On weekdays, her parents often taught Jenny to keep up with money and strive to be in high society.
Jenny once looked down on her parents' snobbery, but she still unknowingly became fond of vanity.
Especially after getting acquainted with the "upper-class person" David, going out to various high-end places with him, and experiencing the so-called rich life, she no longer goes to school and only wants to be entertained.
Because she was unwilling to study, she was expected to be admitted to Oxford University, but her grades plummeted.
The teacher advised her to focus on her studies, but she chose to drop out of school.
But just when she was about to marry into a wealthy family, she found out: David is not only married and has children, but also a complete liar, and his money is all stolen money.
The French scholar Bodas said: "People's concepts and standards are deeply influenced by parents and rooted in their minds. ”
Parents' cognition is like an invisible ruler that measures the results of their children's judgment of the world.
Do you still remember Zhong Meimei, who became popular because of her imitation of her teacher?
At that time, all kinds of interviews, endorsements, signings, and bringing goods came to him like a tide.
Mom didn't want him to be coerced by an illusory aura and money at a young age, so she refused one by one.
And said to him, "The family doesn't need you to make money. ”
"If you sign a contract, the company will look for you twice in three days, and you may not be able to study normally, and at your age, the most important thing now is to study,"
Mom knows very well that the popularity brought by traffic is temporary, the popularity will fade, and it is the norm not to be popular.
Only what you have learned is the wealth that no one can take away.
Under her mother's education, Zhong Meimei has a very clear positioning in her life: go to school first, and then talk about acting.
He said that no matter how popular a person is, he is uneducated, uneducated, and still relatively low-grade.
Therefore, when someone was willing to pay 15 million to sign a three-year contract with him and give him a three-bedroom and two-living room house in Chaoyang District, Beijing, Zhong Meimei decisively refused.
Parents are the guides on the path of their children's growth.
A child's three views should be shaped by their parents' cognition, and a child's future should be guided by the wisdom of their parents.
Only when parents deepen their understanding can their children have a correct outlook on life, values and worldview.
Parents' cognition is the ceiling of children's growth
Shaanxi peasant couple Wu Zhibao and Hu Zhiai, whose family is poor, have trained 5 children to become college students, 4 of which are Tsinghua University and Peking University, known as "one school, four Qing Peking University, and all five sons are talented".
Two of these five children are daughters, and it is common for girls in rural areas to drop out of school and marry early and have children.
So many relatives advised the couple:
"Just send the three boys in the family to college, and the daughter will have to get married sooner or later. ”
But the couple firmly disagreed.
In their view, boys and girls are the same, every child has to be educated, and they would rather suffer themselves than have all their children educated.
It is the insistence of their parents that the two girls did not marry early and have children like those rural girls who had no education to go to school, and stayed in the mountains for the rest of their lives, but relied on knowledge to change their fate and have a future with infinite possibilities.
Wu Zhihong once said: Parents are the fate of children.
On the road of children's growth, there are too many trade-offs, advances and retreats, pros and cons, which need to be weighed by parents.
High-level parents will not consume their children because of temporary difficulties or interests.
However, low-level parents often delay their children's lives because of their own thinking limitations and short-sightedness.
is like the girl who was admitted to Tibetan high school, if it weren't for her parents' ignorance, she just wanted her to make money as soon as possible.
At the age of 14, she should have studied in the classroom with her classmates and worked hard towards a better future, instead of suffering from society when she was a teenager, and she would not have been forced to marry by her parents at the age of 17.
There is also Xiao Meng, the "fish killing brother" who followed his father to help him at the age of 6, if it weren't for his father's narrow-mindedness, he wouldn't be young, just like an adult, busy killing fish all day long to make money.
If it weren't for his father's eagerness for quick success, for the sake of temporary traffic, he would treat him as a "living signboard" and not let him go back to school.
He will not be unable to go to school, so he can only kill fish day after day for more than ten years, so that he has not seen the vastness of the world, so he will lock the future firmly in these few square meters of fish stalls early.
The path under the child's feet begins with the parents.
Parents' cognition profoundly affects the way they educate their children, and determines where their children's lives will take root.
As far as parents can see, it is the ceiling of their children's growth, defining the upper limit that children can reach in their lives.
When an osmanthus tree is planted in a pot, it can only grow on limited soil and nutrients, and even if it produces some flowers, it can only fragrance a small pot.
If you plant it in a pot, its height and growth momentum will significantly exceed the appearance of the pot.
If you plant it in a spacious garden, it can grow into a tall and large osmanthus tree, fragrant the whole garden.
The same osmanthus tree, the final decision on how tall it can grow, is the soil that gave birth to it.
If the child is compared to the osmanthus tree, then the planting area is the parents' cognition.
The cognitive level of parents determines the direction and outcome of a child's life.
Only when parents open up their cognition and improve the pattern can their children open the window of the future world.
Only by cultivating themselves and broadening their horizons can parents give their children more support and hope.
Click "Watching" to encourage all parents.