After seeing that I had 70,000 yuan in savings, my mother no longer gave living expenses: selfless parents could only raise their selfish babies
Text | Mi Li's mother
Parents always try their best to give their children the best, but sadly, some children take this for granted.
Recently, a story made Mi Li's mother very emotional, and she also fell into the contemplation of education.
Here's the thing, the poster is a girl studying in a university in a different place, and her family gives 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses. Because she has a sense of saving money, she has saved 70,000 yuan in the past few years in school.
However, she doesn't have a hard time, she doesn't eat and drink, and she goes out for a poor trip once a month.
However, she never told her family about the small treasury until she went home during the Spring Festival this year, when her mother inadvertently caught a glimpse of her having so many savings.
After the start of school, her mother stopped giving her 2,000 yuan, and every time she asked for money, her mother only gave 2200 yuan.
Although the poster called home many times to ask for money, she still gave it little by little like squeezing toothpaste, which made her very annoyed and speechless.
After dragging on for half a month, she couldn't stand it anymore, so she had to pay directly to her parents when she bought things.
The owner of the post believes that her saving money is her own business and she is not lavish.
2,000 yuan is not much in the weight of classmates, and it is inexplicable for her parents to deduct her living expenses like this.
Her question was that she didn't know whether she should continue to save money and how to communicate with her parents to solve the problem.
Maybe she thought that posting this incident on the Internet would get support and resonance, but what people didn't expect was that the comment area was all scolding her and spraying her.
Some people say that she is a selfish white-eyed wolf, some people say that she has no conscience, and some people ask her if she will give her parents 2,000 yuan a month when she works in the future.
Seriously, when Mi Li's mother saw this story at first glance, her first reaction was to admire this girl.
2,000 yuan of living expenses is not much, but it is a lot less, and she can save 70,000 yuan before graduating from college, which shows that she is indeed a child who lives within her means and is very financially conscious.
But on closer inspection, I think she must have been hiding some details.
This girl has already saved 70,000 yuan before she graduates, and according to 2000 a month, even if she doesn't eat or drink, she will save for 3 years.
But in fact, she is not living in poverty, and even has spare money to travel and socialize with classmates.
So according to saving 1,000 yuan a month, she has to save for 6 years to save enough for 70,000 yuan, and she has only been in college for 4 years.
The girl said that the savings were all saved from living expenses, which means that in addition to the money from the family, she has no other income such as part-time work.
If this is the case, her parents must have given more money in addition to living expenses, otherwise she would not have been able to save so much money anyway.
In other words, in addition to ensuring that their children have no worries about food and clothing, parents also meet additional needs, and they are all ordinary families, and I think it is interesting enough to do this.
But looking at the tone of this girl's voice, it made people think that her parents owed her. Take a look at her wording:
"Settle off", "can delay a day is a day", "squeeze toothpaste", "deliberately deduct", "procrastinate".
I know that I want living expenses from my parents, but if I don't know, I think that I am an old man who owes money and does not pay it back, or a capitalist who squeezes the blood of workers.
Let's look at her attitude towards this matter: "impatient", "inexplicable", "anxious", "angry", "bottoming out".
Although she said that she always communicates with her parents, she is so full of complaints, I guess her attitude towards talking to her parents will not be too good, so it is normal to communicate ineffectively again and again.
Moreover, since she found that her parents who were quite generous "ignored", "deliberately concealed", and "silence is golden", why didn't she think about it, is there something at home that needs money, is it that her parents are afraid that she will worry about problems and avoid talking about it?
She didn't think about all this.
All she thinks about is the 2,000 yuan that she was "ruthlessly withheld" by her bloodsucking parents, and she only has her own big plan to save money.
As for whether her parents want money and what difficulties they have, it has never been in her consideration.
I don't know what kind of family atmosphere this netizen grew up in, and I don't know if silence and concealment are the norm for her parents to treat her.
But in any case, when a child faces his parents, he only thinks about asking for benefits, but he does not care about or understand the situation of his parents, and his heart is full of cold calculations, and even the two parties cannot even communicate with each other in a basic and smooth manner, which is really a kind of sadness.
Mi Li's mother swiped a video before, a girl studying abroad accused her parents of preferring sons over daughters.
Originally, when I saw the title, I couldn't hold down the 40-meter big knife, so I waited to sharpen the knife Huo Huo to the pigs and sheep, but I clicked on it, but I was at a loss when I drew my sword and looked around.
The point of the blogger's complaint is that his younger brother's parents gave 600,000 yuan when he got married, while his parents only gave 60,000 yuan when he got married.
But the more she listened, the more Mi Li's mother sympathized with that younger brother, because their family was not patriarchal at all, but patriarchal.
My sister sleeps in the second bedroom, my younger brother has not had his own room since he was a child, and he is still sleeping in the living room in his 20s;
My sister's tablets, mobile phones, computers, and snacks were all bought by my parents, and my younger brother had to work to earn them by himself;
The elder sister quarreled with the younger brother, and the parents always stood on the side of the elder sister unconditionally;
My father was suffering from cancer and went to work abroad, and he called his sister every week, but he only contacted his brother twice a year;
My sister went abroad for an exchange, and her parents gave an extra 3,000 yuan a month, and she was able to save 20,000 yuan, but at this time, her younger brother would be scolded by her mother for an afternoon because she bought a sweater for 60 yuan.
Including the 600,000 yuan for his younger brother's marriage, in fact, more than 200,000 yuan is the younger brother's retirement fee, and in fact, the parents give the younger brother 400,000 yuan.
As for her, she not only took 150,000 yuan from her parents for decoration, but also spent 200,000 yuan from her parents to buy a house...... Judging from the expenses alone, she definitely gets more money from her parents than her younger brother.
But even though the blogger has received so much preferential treatment since she was a child, she has no sympathy for her younger brother and little gratitude for her parents.
Even when she saw her brother being mistreated, she felt much better in her heart, as if the hatred in her heart had been made up.
So she has always been the pearl of the family, where does her hatred come from?
The logic of the blogger goes like this:
Although she has been favored in all aspects since she was a child, these preferential treatments end here when she graduates and work, and the family's money has nothing to do with her, because the money is to be used to marry her brother's daughter-in-law.
What makes her even more unacceptable is that not only can't she get her parents' money, but she has to bear half of the support for the elderly, which is simply too unfair, this is naked discrimination and discrimination against women!
Therefore, she often tells her younger brother that the family money is all for you to get married, so you don't expect me to pay as much as you when you retire, I will only pay less than you.
The younger brother was flattered when he heard this, and cried and said:
Sister, half of the money, half of the responsibility of taking care of your parents, I don't want to have anything to do with you because of this money.
After looking around, it is obvious that this blogger has been used to enjoying special treatment since he was a child, so he naturally feels that his brother should give her the best things.
The favor and material things she gets are all deserved, and her younger brother will hurt as much as cutting her flesh if she touches it a little more, even if she is on an equal footing.
In her mind, if there is no younger brother, then she will be pampered since she was a child, and 600,000 cash, including the family's car and house, should be her alone.
But she also didn't want to think about it, isn't it enough for her parents to eat, drink and have good resources for her to work until graduation?
Legally speaking, parents have fulfilled their obligation to support them, and the children have no right to dictate to whomever they want to give the rest of the money.
Not to mention, she has been a person who has taken advantage of everything since she was a child, taking the money given by her parents to study abroad, buying a house and decorating, and if she doesn't return it, she even has to shirk her responsibility for support and calculate her parents' hundreds of thousands of coffins.
Could it be that in her eyes, the preference and care of her parents for more than 20 years is not worth 400,000 yuan when converted into money?
If I were the parent of this girl, I would be so angry when I heard this. It's not that my daughter has grown up, it's just a good calculation.
There is a good saying that behind selfish children, selfless parents often stand.
The more you get, the more you take it for granted, the more you demand, the more you resent.
Giving everything you have, but raising a cold-blooded, selfish, impersonal, and only calculating in and out is the greatest misfortune for parents.
Chilling to chilling, Mi Li's mother still feels that it is pointless to blindly blame the child.
I believe in the inherent goodness of human nature, why do the loving little angels who revolved around their mothers when they were children become selfish and indifferent step by step, and even suck the blood of their parents?
If you think about it, it is inseparable from the parenting style of your parents.
Take the above case as an example, the younger brother was accidentally pregnant, and his parents didn't want him at all, and they tried to have a fetus again and again without success, and even after birth, they always regretted not giving birth to him.
Therefore, while the parents pamper and protect their daughters unprincipledly, they treat their sons harshly in every way, and this kind of education makes the sister naturally feel that the younger brother is an outsider, and he should not exist and compete with himself for resources.
My sister never knew what family was, what mutual support was, what tolerance and compromise were, and she developed the habit of only being high up and enjoying the offerings.
This phenomenon is not uncommon in many families. Although children are with their parents every day and live at home every day, they are actually living in a vacuum and gradually becoming a black hole that can only enter but not leave.
I remember not long ago, a Chongqing father's complaint attracted a lot of attention.
It stands to reason that this father should burn high incense, because his daughter is outstanding in all aspects, not only studying in 985 colleges, but also in the tenth level of animation, and winning the national award for her essay. It's also beautiful, and with a size of 163, I don't have to pick it.
However, he was so sad that his head was about to fall, saying that he was "how proud he was at the beginning." How bad it is now", and said, who is willing to take his daughter away, he will post a dowry of 200,000 yuan.
It turned out that his daughter's living habits and personality made him very unbearable, including but not limited to:
I don't do any housework, the room is not as good as the pig nest, and express delivery and take-out lunch boxes are everywhere;
indifferent and ruthless, selfish, annoying without a word, locked in the room every day;
With money without restraint, lavish spending, and parents have nothing to say except for money, just like a deaf and dumb person.
It seems that this kind of child is indeed quite disturbing, but if you think about it carefully, you will know that you really can't blame the child for this.
Just like this father, he will only blame his daughter for being dirty, refusing to communicate, and spending money like water, but he can't see his daughter trying to discuss family with him, and he doesn't know if there is something wrong with his own education style.
He pooped the picture of his daughter's room on the Internet, and scolded so ugly, how could a father talk about his daughter as a pig and a dog in public, and let netizens judge him?
Seriously, if I were that daughter, I would probably lock myself in my room in the face of such a simple and rough father.
I found that whether it is the 985 daughter or the girl with a deposit of 70,000 yuan I mentioned at the beginning, their families have one thing in common, that is, the children feel that they cannot communicate with their parents, and they only have the relationship of providing and being supported by each other, and there is nothing else to say.
It's not uncommon for children with high scores and low abilities like this:
Since childhood, he has been instilled by his parents with the concept of "you don't have to worry about anything", and his family has a good family to eat, drink and Lazar, and their eyes are staring at their own one-third of an acre of land, in addition to learning or learning.
In the end, the grades may have gone up, but people have also become indifferent to their families, selfish, and because of the long-term lack of communication, they don't talk to their parents for more than half a sentence.
Until this time, many parents will begin to complain that their children are "wasted" and that they have raised a white-eyed wolf.
As everyone knows, a long-distance run with the wrong starting point can only end up in the opposite direction.
If you want a child who is difficult to communicate with and only has your own heart in mind, then desperately give everything for him and don't let him interfere in anything;
On the contrary, if you want a child who cares about his family, understands his parents, and has a sense of family responsibility, then let him participate in family life from an early age, so that he or she understands that he is also a member of the family, and he also has a responsibility and responsibility.
Wei Shusheng, an education expert and former director of the Education Bureau of Panjin City, Liaoning Province, once said:
"I think the number one priority is to put the child in the family responsibilities. ”
He doesn't even know that his parents are distressed, how can he feel sorry for more people, for those who are not related by blood? The most pitiful thing is that these children may not be able to have a sense of happiness for the rest of their lives, because people's happiness is obtained by feeling sorry for others, caring for others, and helping others. ”
Therefore, since his son was three years old, Wei Shusheng asked him to wash his feet, socks, and carry his own things when he went out.
After taking office as the director of education, he even required all children to do housework when they went home, and they had time to do more and no time to do less, but they couldn't do it.
reminds me of the writer Bi Shumin saying:
"Parents in the world, if you love your child, you must let him start to love you and the people around him when he can.
This is not the selfishness of adults, but the foresight of thinking about the child's life. ”
Mi Li's mother thought so.
A person who only loves himself, but doesn't even cherish his own family, and doesn't even know how distressed his parents are, no matter how high his score is and how much money he earns, he is still a cold-blooded animal.
On the contrary, a child who has the ability to love and be grateful, and who has others in his heart, tends to be more productive and popular.
After all, who wouldn't want to associate with someone who cares about others from the bottom of their hearts and is eager to help others?
Although parents do not expect their children to reciprocate, this upbringing and ability is the most precious gift we can give to our children.
Don't do your best to raise a stranger!
Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.