I've seen such a sentence:
"In life, the greatest reward comes from relationships;
The biggest challenge also comes from relationships. ”
I think so.
Relationship with the outside world is a topic that we are born with that cannot be escaped, and it runs through every moment of life.
Especially in intimate relationships, the stronger the love, the easier it is to inadvertently interfere with the other person's freedom.
As the days go by, the sense of proportion often disappears.
Even let the relationship become suffocated by being too close, so that this love is lost.
Therefore, the best intimacy is not to close each other closely, but to leave a just right distance.
The closer the relationship, the easier it is to drift apart
Some people say that love is like quicksand in the palm of your hand, holding it too tightly will only accelerate its loss.
In the palace of marriage, loving and being loved are beautiful gifts, but once they cross each other's bottom line, this love will turn into a heavy shackle.
I once saw such a story on the Internet.
An originally enviable loving couple, they have been in love for three years, and finally announced the good news of marriage in the circle of friends.
However, this seemingly perfect marriage only lasted for two years before it broke down.
It turned out that after marriage, the man gradually fell into the dilemma of "strict wife control".
In the name of love, the woman took meticulous "care" for the details of the man's life, but did not take into account his true feelings.
From dressing up to daily routines, the man has almost lost the right to make his own choice.
Every day, he must always respond to the woman's messages, and the slightest delay will be repeatedly questioned and blamed.
When traveling on business and socializing, he had to frequently send locations and take photos to prove his whereabouts.
And when he was on vacation, he was deprived of precious free time, and he could only accompany the woman to go shopping, without any private space.
In such a marriage, the man feels as if he is in captivity, and gradually becomes tired of his home and flees.
Shakespeare said:
"Love needs space to breathe and time to grow. ”
In the relationship, knowing how to leave blank space will last for a long time.
The beauty of distance is just right, and it is the most comfortable.
Wise people know this, and they know how to keep a moderate distance in love.
They have each other, but they are not overly dependent, they remain independent, but they can work together and support each other.
Love is measured, and companionship lasts for a long time
There is such a story.
On a cold winter night, two hedgehogs shivered from the cold.
They try to hug each other to keep warm.
However, because the body is covered with thorns, whenever one party approaches, the thorns will pierce into the other's body, causing severe pain.
As a result, they quickly separate and continue to shiver in the cold wind.
After countless attempts and separations, the hedgehogs finally found a suitable distance to keep warm without hurting each other.
This is known as the hedgehog effect, which tells us:
When people interact with others, if the distance is too far, they become alienated;
And if you are too close, you will hurt each other;
Only when it is just right can we be warm and dependent.
In the TV series "The World", the relationship between Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan is a kind of warm and measured love.
When they first met, it was love at first sight, and they only had each other in their eyes.
However, under the social background of the 80s of the last century, the shackles of the times and the shackles of concepts are like invisible shackles, which have brought a severe test to their love.
Zheng Juan originally had a marriage contract, but fate caused her fiancé to die unexpectedly, leaving her alone.
Unfortunately, she became pregnant out of wedlock, so she became a "widow" in the village.
And Zhou Bingkun, out of righteousness and sympathy, accepted the entrustment of a friend and regularly sent living expenses to Zheng Juan's home every month.
Zhou Bingkun saw Zheng Juan for the first time, and stood in front of her for a long time.
And Zheng Juan will also dress up carefully for him.
The two of them already had secret feelings in their hearts, but they never crossed the thunder pool by half a step.
In that special era, an unmarried young man marrying a widow would undoubtedly be poked in the back, and the Zhou family would naturally not agree.
Zheng Juan has been waiting for many years, and Zhou Bingkun has not been able to give her any promises.
Until Zhou Bingkun was imprisoned due to his family, there was no one at home to take care of his seriously ill mother.
Zheng Juan stood up desperately and selflessly took on the responsibility of taking care of the Zhou family until Zhou Bingkun returned.
Zheng Juan understood Zhou Bingkun's deep affection for her, so although she gave so much, she did not ask him, but kept her distance from him and waited silently.
Later, her selflessness and persistence won the approval of Zhou's father, and the two finally achieved positive results.
Their love does not have vigorous vows and confessions, but has deep and lasting perseverance and waiting.
With their own actions and persistence, they have written a love legend that transcends times and concepts.
Only with measured love can we achieve long-term companionship.
True happiness is not a short-term passion and impulse, but a love and stay together that can stand the test of time.
A good relationship requires just the right distance
The writer Bondarev once said:
"The root of all human suffering stems from a lack of a sense of boundaries. ”
The so-called boundary is to let your business belong to you and my business to mine.
The closer the relationship, the more important it is to keep this invisible line.
This does not mean being distant from each other.
On the contrary, it helps to build a more harmonious, balanced relationship and also helps to better meet each other's needs.
The way a friend Lulu gets along with her husband is a great example.
Although Lulu is married, she continues to struggle in the workplace.
Because of the nature of work, once you get busy, it may be difficult to go home once every half a month, and frequent business trips are commonplace, but her husband does not blame her for this.
Although the two get together less and leave more, this marriage with a sense of distance has made their hearts more closely connected.
They often go out together, and then separate in an agreed place, one to the left and one to the right.
While her husband focuses on his career, Lulu hangs out with her best friends.
Lulu enjoys this life, does not have to worry about each other's emotions when working, and is independent and respectful of each other.
She once tentatively asked her husband:
"Do you think I'm not caring for my family?"
But the husband calmly responded:
"Both men and women have the right to choose their own lifestyle, and getting married does not mean that a woman has to give up everything.
Be yourself and be the best you. ”
Their love is so pure and beautiful:
You don't need to ask for warmth frequently, you can trust deeply;
Even though they are far apart, the two hearts are still connected.
As the poet Roy Clifft said:
"Love is not an assimilant that transforms you into what I am and melts me into your flesh and blood.
Rather, you can be you, and I can be me. ”
A happy marriage is not just two people who are tired of being together all day, but is built on the basis of love, making room for each other and achieving each other.
Even if they are thousands of miles apart, two hearts can be like glue.
Only by understanding each other's tacit understanding of this space can we achieve eternal togetherness.
There is no more comfortable state in marriage than this.
Its secret lies precisely in grasping these two words: boundary.
Only by maintaining a sense of boundary can we give each other the right space to breathe and not be overly constrained.
May we all be able to keep our inner boundaries, respect the independent personality of others, and at the same time have a heart of tolerance and understanding, so that relationships do not become shackles, but become a source of nourishment for each other.
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