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Around the Spring Festival in 2023, "Mr. Wolf (Brother Juan)", who lives in the Northeast, posted a video on social media, which caused heated discussions among countless netizens.
In the video, Brother Juan Er took his parents to Sanya for a trip around the Spring Festival and chartered a villa with a monthly rent of 50,000 yuan. However, the idea of "frugality" of the older generation is deeply rooted in the bone marrow, which adds a lot of pressure and burden to this otherwise relaxing trip.
"A drawer of flowers has been returned to the pot 16 times", "The dustpan broom can continue to be used once it is glued". What's even more ridiculous is that the two old men decided to take all the daily necessities in the villa with them before leaving, and packed 17 packages, large and small.
However, when the family arrived at the airport with their luggage, they wasted too much time in a taxi and couldn't catch the flight. In the end, I had to take the train and return to the northeast from Haikou.
As soon as this video was published, it immediately rushed to the hot search, and many netizens said: It is indeed difficult for parents who have disappointed their interests to communicate.
So, what is the phenomenon behind the "unhappy parents"?
What is a "disappointing parent"?
Legend has it that "unhappy parents" not only appear in tourism, but also "suppress" all aspects of their children's lives.
share your favorite album with your parents, in exchange for a sentence "I don't spend my mind on serious things all day long";
Take your parents to the restaurant for dinner: "This dish is 100 yuan?
Show them cute pet videos: "You don't have to get nervous to get a dog, there is a smell in the room." ”
These parents seem to be forever framed in their own idiomatic thinking, unable to understand their children's happiness.
The well-known up master of station B shared the stories that happened around him at the new national debate exhibition competition.
A fan contributed to her. One day, after working late and being criticized by his boss, he called his mother to complain about his grievances, but his mother asked him very reasonably: "Think about why the boss only scolds you." ”
Because similar conversations happen so often, this fan has not expressed his desire for expression in the face of his parents for a long time.
It's suffocating that these parents are never aware of their problems. A mother on Douyin posted a video of her daughter's coming-of-age ceremony, in which the little girl was wearing only ordinary clothes that she could still see, bowing her head in front of a group of beautiful classmates.
It was obviously a memorable moment in her life, but the little girl couldn't put on a dress, so she could only squeeze in a group of peers.
Immediately, this video attracted ridicule from netizens, who commented: I hope your daughter will not be abducted by a princess dress in the future. The original intention of the comment was obviously to persuade the mother to stop treating the child materially and prevent her from being deceived.
Unexpectedly, my mother replied complacently: My girl didn't like to wear skirts since she was a child.
Such stubborn and stupid thinking is really ridiculous.
The psychology behind the "unhappy parents".
In China, it is not difficult to find that this kind of "unhappy parents" are quite common.
We can understand this as a distorted lust for power. The parent-child relationship still adheres to the principle of "father is the first, the son is the bottom".
Since you are in a high position, it becomes difficult to identify, understand, and listen to others.
In order to consolidate power, it is necessary to justify oneself in order to establish a central position in social relations. The reason for the disappointment is to suppress and better control the children.
There is also a kind of parent who attributes all the ups and downs he encounters in life to "for the sake of his children". They equate giving with control, and if the child does not obey the parent's arrangement, he will become a "white-eyed wolf" of all evils while eating.
"There will be pity for those who hate them." Today, we can also look at what is behind the thinking of "unhappy parents" from a different perspective.
Perhaps in their time, there was no so-called hobbies and happy education. When you ask these people what they like, it's hard for them to answer.
The word "happy" is too foreign to them, and according to past life experience, happiness is synonymous with danger. Over time, the "unhappy parents" have become "hollow people" with no thoughts and no hobbies.
Therefore, in the face of children's happiness, they will use their usual thinking to suppress this little beating flame.
How to face the "unhappy parents" correctly
First of all, adjust your mentality and correctly understand the essence of "unhappy parents". In fact, if we find that our parents can't keep up with our own thinking, we should feel fortunate to be in some way.
When your vision and perspective are not in tune with your parents', and they are lagging behind, it means that you are driving the evolution of your family and achieving your own growth. And evolution is that one generation goes further than the next.
Second, don't try to change parents. Due to the existence of patriarchy in the Chinese environment, parents are often unaware of their own problems. Instead, they see limitations as a source of pride in resources and experiences that they stubbornly impose on their children.
The existence of patriarchy, as well as the busy state of today's society, make it difficult for them to realize that they should grow up with their children. Therefore, there is no need to force parents to accept the views of the new era.
Finally, gradually complete the role change in the relationship with the parents. During our long childhood, we always asked our parents for citations and annotations, which formed a kind of psychological inertia.
However, as we grow beyond our parents, we will slowly become disappointed because we cannot find answers as we did in the past. It may be an experience, but it shouldn't be the end.
Growing up means lowering expectations and understanding that the world's answers can no longer be obtained from parents. At this time, we must gradually complete the role change and try to tolerate and guide parents. Learn to be more "stunning" when facing them, and no longer be easily stung.
epilogue
In fact, if you understand the reasons for the emergence of "unhappy parents", you can also learn to sympathize to a certain extent. This is not recognition, but rather a kind of psychological energy that "lets go".
Suppose a blind man speaks sarcastically and viciously to us while admiring the sunset, we will not feel doubt or even pain, and we will not gouge out our eyes and accompany him into eternal darkness. On the contrary, we will feel lucky.
Compassion gives us the energy to withstand negative emotions, to remember the beauty that others can't see, and to feel the beauty of life that they can't understand.
This is probably the best mentality in the face of "unhappy parents".
Resources:
Why do we all have "unhappy parents"?". The Paper, 2023, 11, 8
"Educational Thinking: Why My Parents Love to "Spoil Fun"". Xinhuanet, 2023, 10, 10
""Unhappy Parents", Is It Really Unhappy?". People, 2023, 11, 19