#挑战30天在头条写日记#
Author: White Peach Oolong Tea (Rich Book Author)
The ancients said: You can't have the heart to harm people, and you can't have the heart to prevent people.
In life, on the one hand, we must "behave properly and sit upright" and not have the intention of doing evil; on the other hand, as a good person, we must guard against the bad intentions of bad people while keeping to ourselves.
In fact, pure malice is easy to identify, but selfishness disguised as good and accidental can take advantage of the situation and make it difficult to guard against.
In our traditional culture, we have always emphasized "humility", "forbearance" and "harmony", so many people would rather suffer dumb losses and be wronged all the time, but also maintain the harmony on the surface.
As a result of this, the side that gains inches is becoming more and more arrogant and willful, while the side that swallows its anger is becoming more and more humble and cowardly.
In order to protect their own happiness and joy, for some sick relationships, they should be broken.
Only by staying away from those "well-wishers" who have nothing to show for themselves can life not be changed beyond recognition because of their gains.
Nosy, commanding relative
At the beginning of this year, young people's "severance" incidents frequently appeared on the hot search and quickly became the focus of everyone's attention.
According to a social paper published by Nanjing University, most of the post-90s young people between the ages of 26 and 30 only have "occasional contact with relatives".
Why are young people increasingly reluctant to associate with relatives?
In the final analysis, it is rare to see an elder who is reasonable and has a sense of boundaries, and there are many relatives who are nosy and like to talk about people's rights and wrongs.
Young people yearn for independence, freedom, and a life where distance produces beauty, and they want their personal boundaries to be respected, and they don't want their lives to be overly disturbed, interfered with, or even controlled.
However, some elder relatives are influenced by traditional concepts, insist on maintaining their paternalistic authority, inculcate a "culture of obedience" in younger generations, and take the opportunity to satisfy their personal desires and even seek personal gain.
In the TV series "Do You Know", not long after Minglan got married, not long after she moved to Chengyuan, the fifth aunt of the Gu family brought a group of people to show off her might.
As soon as they met, the fifth aunt introduced a few "mothers" to Minglan and forcibly arranged a group of foreign servants into the house.
Clear-eyed people can see at a glance where these people are here to congratulate the New Year, and they are clearly here to uncover the tiles.
After the fifth aunt finished introducing her, Lai's mother stood up and said proudly:
"The eldest lady has an order, you have not long been married, there are many things in the house, let a few mothers serve you well, I am responsible for the management of these subordinates, if they are slacking off in the future, I will not spare the old body!"
Seeing this scene, Minglan looked gloomy, and directly interrupted the fifth aunt's words, claiming that all the servants would be registered and checked, and fiercely refuted the fifth aunt's face.
After a verbal battle, the fifth aunt and others were defeated and had to bend over to show weakness.
Lu Yao wrote in "The Ordinary World":
"When we were young, we used to think of how beautiful and important our 'relatives' were. Once we have grown up and started to live independently, we quickly learn that kinship is often vulgar;
Try to get light on each other, roll your eyes when you don't, and even your biggest difficulties in life are often caused by your relatives. ”
Those relatives who keep saying that they think about the younger generation are just interfering in the lives of other people's families under the guise of giving advice, and use the form of "advice" to gain a condescending sense of superiority.
Sometimes they know that they are in the wrong, but they refuse to pull down their faces and admit their mistakes, and will only use the sentence "adults speak, children interject what they say".
Blindly asking young people to "respect the elderly", but they can't "love the young", such a "double standard" behavior is a true portrayal of many "relatives" at present.
When encountering such elders, it is strange that young people do not "break off their relatives".
Condescending, good mentor colleagues
For everyone who needs to earn money to support their families, workplace relationships are always an unavoidable topic.
Due to the need for attendance and collaborative work, an office worker spends a lot of time with colleagues every day.
Relationships with colleagues, income, development prospects, office environment, and other key factors will largely determine the quality of a job experience.
Overt and covert competition aside, there is nothing more tricky and disgusting in the workplace than dealing with colleagues who think they are past and keep their mouths shut about "for your good".
I have seen a subject's sharing on Douban.
As a post-95 white-collar worker, she is often asked about her personal emotional status and privacy.
During the subject's relationship, colleagues have to ask questions one by one, and after asking, they begin to express their opinions endlessly.
Later, the subject broke up, became a little taciturn in a bad mood, and her colleagues didn't care about her state, and continued to share a bunch of empty truths, and complained about how she could not interact with her boyfriend and maintain her relationship.
As a last resort, the subject confessed the facts, and the colleague immediately turned into an aunt in the neighborhood committee, and said bitterly that you actually gave up such a good boy.
Later, a male celebrity cheating incident was exposed on the Internet, and colleagues began to chew the root of their tongue in the subject's ear, saying that men are like this, and if you want to maintain a relationship as a woman, you have to learn to turn a blind eye.
The endless "good words and persuasion" made the subject feel helpless and even desperate.
"Mencius: Lilou Shang" has a saying: "The trouble of people is to be a good teacher." ”
It means that when getting along with people, the biggest taboo is to rush to be a teacher for others.
In the workplace, affected by the number of years of work, it is inevitable that some people are seniors and some are juniors, but in life, everyone has their own set of evaluation criteria, and there is no distinction between high and low.
Therefore, the seniors who are often given the title of "teacher" in the workplace may not be qualified to serve as life mentors for those who come after them.
Even if it is possible, forcibly exporting the so-called correct values without the other party's request is inherently difficult for the strongman, and the result will only be disgusting.
These seniors, who are good teachers, are accustomed to the sense of superiority brought by ability and seniority, and forget that in terms of personality, everyone is on an equal footing.
Every era has its own wave, and when the "former waves" thought they could stand, their era had quietly left.
I don't know the truth, and I persuade people to be kind friends
There is a passage in "To Kill a Mockingbird":
"You can never really understand a person unless you walk in their shoes and think from their point of view. When you actually walk the path he has walked, you will find it difficult to even pass by. ”
It is true that most people understand that the joys and sorrows of people are not the same, but how many people really respect the feelings of others and do not treat others with their own?
Standing on their own position and criticizing the people around them at will is the norm for many people.
In the TV series "Twenty Don't Confuse", college student Jiang Xiaoguo lent his roommate Wang Wei 300 yuan, but the other party didn't pay it back afterwards, Jiang Xiaoguo asked Wang Wei to pay back the money, but he was beaten upside down.
Wang Wei said that her family was poor, and she needed to buy new clothes to participate in the interview, and she couldn't repay the money, and accused Jiang Xiaoguo of wanting to buy a mobile phone, so she was in a hurry to ask for the arrears.
What's even more annoying is that Jiang Xiaoguo's friends not only don't blame the people who owe money, but also complain about why Xiaoguo can't be more generous?
The person who is so ashamed is Jiang Xiaoguo's roommate, who did not provide any help, but encouraged Jiang Xiaoguo, who has an average family background, to contribute money and efforts, which can be said to have taken the effort of borrowing flowers and offering Buddha to the extreme.
This person only knows that Wang Wei's family background is not good, and he turns a blind eye to Jiang Xiaoguo's lack of money, and such a generous behavior is really hateful.
Guo Degang said: "Stay away from people who don't understand the truth and persuade you to be generous, because when lightning strikes him, it will affect you." ”
In our daily lives, we always meet people who like to be "Madonna".
In the case of not caring about themselves, once the people around them encounter contradictions and conflicts, their first reaction is not to pay attention to the truth, not to stand up and uphold justice, but to hold high the banner of benevolence, righteousness and morality, so that those who seem to be strong but are really wronged are forced to submit.
When dealing with such people, don't expect to get understanding and sympathy from them when you are being harassed.
They will uphold the concept of "more things are better than less", and persuade you to be kind and back down.
They will occupy the moral high ground and stand for the "weak" who do not deserve sympathy, in order to move themselves and become "addicted to good people".
They will use their status as friends to sacrifice your inner life to fill their own face and take all their good reputation on themselves.
In fact, true friendship is based on mutual understanding and support.
If one partner only wants to meet their own needs at a critical moment, then the relationship is twisted and deformed.
And such a person should not be called a friend, but a hypocritical partner.
Rabindranath Tagore famously said, "Hypocritical sincerity is more terrible than the devil." ”
In life, there will always be some "well-wishers" around you, who will do their best to teach you so-called insights and good words, which seem to express concern and help, but in fact they are looking for objects that can be used for recreation.
If they don't get satisfactory feedback, they will turn on "harassment mode" until they turn against them.
You should be cautious when dealing with these people, if you can't recognize the hypocrisy of the other party, then you will only end up with bruises all over your body, and there is nowhere to appeal.
The best way to protect yourself and avoid conflict is to stay away from them.
Putting aside the relationship with a nosy relative is the only way to keep the other person out of reach and not to interfere with your choices.
Keep a distance from colleagues who are good teachers, so that the other party can accept it when they see it and not criticize their own lives.
Draw a clear line with friends who are generous to others, so that the other party can keep silent and not judge their own position arbitrarily.
Life is a process of continuous loss, and only by breaking with hypocrites will those who truly understand us come as promised.
May you recognize such "well-wishers" around you and stay away from them.
作者简介：白桃乌龙茶，富书作者，一个人要想成功，你都需要一种能力来支撑你做好自己，不被阻挠，不被诱惑，这就是屏蔽力，第4本书已出版，图书《屏蔽力》正在热销中，你的生活，需要屏蔽力，和500万人一起升级生活认知，本文：富兰克林读书俱乐部，本文版权归富书所有，未经授权，不得转载，侵权必究
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