The ultimate mission of education is not to become a talent but to become an adult.
Nanjing University brushed off the first place in the written examination for the postgraduate entrance examination, and the truth behind it shocked everyone
Recently, a news item has set off a heated discussion on the Internet:
A male student who applied for the graduate school of physics of Nanjing University won the first place in the written examination, but was eliminated in the subsequent re-examination.
It turned out that this person was Xu Mouxiang, the party involved in the "Southeast University Cat Abuse Incident".
According to classmates, he had a history of animal abuse as early as his freshman year, and had brutally tortured and killed cows and cats fed by alumni.
He named himself "Kiri the Flesh Artist/Kiri Body Artist" and taught his friends "professional" cat abuse methods in the cat abuse group.
In February this year, Xu Mouxiang filmed the process of abusing the cat into a video, including but not limited to crushing the kitten's head with his foot, abusing the kitten until the flesh and blood were blurred and the corpse was separated, and putting the cat's head in a jar to make a specimen......
Not only that, but he also uploaded these videos online to satisfy his perverted amusement psychology, and was eventually reported.
A reporter asked the staff of Nanjing University: "Have you considered the cat abuse incident?"
The staff responded: "These behaviors may be affected. ”
Southeast University, where Xu Mouxiang is an undergraduate, is a 985 school in itself.
And Nanjing University, which he applied for, is the best among 985.
From a 985 undergraduate to the first place in the preliminary examination of Nanjing University, Xu Mouxiang is a well-deserved scholar.
But under the aura, there is a twisted and perverted soul hidden in his cold-blooded and cruel atrocities.
It is precisely because of this that he will be spurned by his classmates and rejected by prestigious schools.
This reminds me of what Mr. Cai Yuanpei wrote in the book "The Cultivation of the Chinese":
It is not the academic performance that determines a child's life, but the cultivation of a sound personality.
He should have the normal and harmonious development of his personality, and the physical, psychological, moral, and social elements should be unified, balanced, and coordinated, instead of becoming a person who "lacks arms and legs" in thought.
It also reminds us that:
The background color of a child's character is more important than the excellence of the grades.
If in the process of educating children, parents only have high grades and prestigious schools in their eyes, then the people who are eventually cultivated may not have a sound personality.
There was such a scene in the TV series "The Hidden Corner":
After the parent-teacher meeting, the teacher stopped Zhu Chaoyang's mother, who was the first in the class, and told her that the child was introverted and unsociable, and hoped that Zhu's mother would care more about the child's mental health.
But Zhu's mother retorted impatiently: "Students should focus on learning, and making friends is something that they only do when they enter the society." ”
In her eyes, her son is a machine with high scores, and her only task is to study hard.
Unexpectedly, under this kind of "fractionalism" education, the child eventually went to the abyss of crime and violence.
Qian Liqun, a professor at Peking University, once said: "When we try our best to lift our children to climb to a higher hall, we must be wary of children becoming refined egoists with high intelligence." ”
Society's standard for testing a person is never scores and rankings.
No child with a crippled soul can become a winner in life just by virtue of his excellent grades.
Do you still remember the "Tsinghua Scholar Murder Case in Silicon Valley", which caused a lot of uproar before?
The murderer Chen Liren has been a glittering scholar since he was a student.
In 2014, he was admitted to Tsinghua University with excellent results.
Later, he received a master's degree in computer science from the University of California, San Die.
But such a standard "child of someone else's family" used his fists to hit his wife in the head continuously, beating her to death, showing "a high degree of cruelty, viciousness and indifference".
In response to this case, Liu Longzhu, a lawyer who is well aware of the Chinese circle in the United States and has represented Chinese engineers in Google, Facebook, Nvidia and other major factories, said: "Murder is murder, crime is crime, and no reason is an excuse to kill." ”
At the same time, he also said that Chen Liren's situation is not unique.
Liu Longzhu has been in contact with many engineers who are born in top students.
Among them, there are many college entrance examination champions from various provinces and cities, and their career development is also very smooth.
But a considerable number of them have the phenomenon of "high IQ and low emotional intelligence", acting very extremely, and their ability to manage emotions is extremely low.
Parents must eventually understand that not all enviable "perfect" students are good children.
When the score becomes the only criterion, indifference and selfishness and short-term success will follow.
A mother shared her story on Weibo:
Her son has a good score in English and is the representative of the English class in the class.
One day, my son suddenly complained to his mother in a sullen manner: "The head teacher always asked me to give lectures to my classmates, which not only delayed my study time, but also taught him, and his grades surpassed me." ”
Hearing this, my mother chuckled in her heart.
She suddenly realized that something might be wrong with her usual education.
All along, I only told my child how to become a talent, but forgot to teach him how to be a person.
Thinking of this, the mother made a bold decision - to take her son to the countryside to teach.
Let my son see the small village in the countryside with his own eyes, and personally tutor those children who have a weak foundation in English.
The mother solemnly said to her son:
"Not everyone is born with food and clothing like you, and there are so many children your age in remote corners of the country who may want to learn English well, but there is no professional English teacher to teach them. ”
It was this experience that made my son begin to change.
Later, when the mother asked her son again what he wanted to do when he grew up, the son replied:
"I speak English well and I want to be a diplomat. At the same time, I also want more children in rural areas to learn English well and have the opportunity to realize their dreams, just like me. ”
At this moment, my mother was very pleased.
Rather than getting high scores and going to prestigious schools, what we should do more is to raise our children to be kind, sincere, and caring people.
Because talent is just the engine, character is the steering wheel.
No matter how good the grades are, the bad character will not be entrusted with important tasks; no matter how brilliant the resume, bad conduct will not go long.
Yu Minhong, founder of New Oriental Education Group, once mentioned in a speech:
"Our upbringing of a child's behavior should be set up according to the society's acceptance of the child's behavior.
So, when I was raising my two children, there was a prerequisite that the grades could not be good, and the most important thing was to be accepted by the friends around me, which was very important. ”
Yu Minhong himself has always adhered to this philosophy.
The habit he has developed since childhood is to be nice to others.
In the four years of college, he swept the floor, fetched water, and helped his dormitory classmates wash clothes, which seemed to be a loss.
But ten years after graduation, when he started his own business, he told his classmates in the dormitory, but they were willing to come out to help him.
The reason is very simple: "Yu Minhong is a good person, a person who will not take advantage of others, if it succeeds, we will definitely be able to share the success, if it fails, it is okay for everyone to fail together." ”
Therefore, Yu Minhong has repeatedly emphasized that becoming a person who is accepted by society and studied by everyone is more important than hundreds of Peking University.
For a long time, we mistakenly thought that grades and grades were all that a child was all about.
In fact, if a child is born as a human being but does not know how to be a human being, then what if his grades are good?
In the end, it's just a high-scoring monster that can't be accepted by others and society.
Author Jorah Micali writes in her book Empathy:
"Without empathy, we can't find support, encouragement, warmth, and love for each other. ”
As parents, what we should teach our children is the empathy of empathy, empathy, and empathy.
Many people say that children are indifferent and selfish now, but in fact, they are mostly grown up in honey pots and lack the opportunity to understand others and pay for them.
We might as well create opportunities for children to see different worlds and lives with their own eyes.
Cultivate empathy in children, so that they can empathize and put themselves in the shoes of others.
If a child is compared to a tree, then a stable and healthy mental state is their root.
Only when the roots are firmly rooted enough will the tree flourish.
School grades are just one of the leaves.
What we teach our children is not only knowledge and skills, but more importantly, a bright personality, a noble character and a pattern of mindfulness for others.