Everybody admires your pride,
No one likes your pretending to be likable.
Author: Insight YY
Jia Zhangke once told a story about his past.
When he was a child in the countryside, he and his cousin would always go up to the mountains to catch birds and go down to the river to fish, and the relationship was very good.
Even when they weren't together at school, the two would write letters to each other and share their anecdotes.
However, everything good came to an abrupt end at the age of eighteen.
That year, Jia Zhangke went out to study directing, and his cousin went to the coal mine.
When they met again a year later, the two found that they couldn't talk to each other.
For a period of time afterward, they just got along as ordinary relatives, and they didn't deliberately get close.
It wasn't until more than ten years later that Jia Zhangke discovered the role of a coal miner while filming the movie "Platform".
He immediately thought of his cousin, thinking that he was also a coal miner and would definitely be able to play the role in his true colors.
He called his cousin in a hurry, and the other party didn't twist in the slightest, and agreed to come down in one bite.
Unexpectedly, my cousin's performance was very good, and later starred in many of Jia Zhangke's movies.
The two, who had drifted apart before, got acquainted again because of the movie and got back together.
There are many people in life who will always deliberately grasp the past friendship and refuse to let go.
As a result, their hard work is maintained, not to mention that they are tired, and they will push each other farther away.
I very much agree with the words of education expert Tao Jin: The relationships that make you tired are actually wrong.
Only by not working hard and not deliberately maintaining, can we get along without getting tired and never get tired of getting along for a long time.
1
Always have to please the relationship, don't have to work hard
Psychological counselor Zhang Ping shared a real case.
There was a girl who was suffering from depression and came to her for counseling.
After going to college, the girl met several roommates and cherished this fate very much.
She often helps her roommates bring meals and clean the dormitory, but the other party rarely gives her a good face.
The girl thought that she was not good enough, so she got along with her roommate more attentively:
Lend money to your roommates, buy fruit to share, and help them secure seats......
For a whole semester, the girl gave everything she had, but in exchange for the roommates to exclude her even more.
In this way, the girl's inner emotions accumulated more and more, and she eventually suffered from severe depression.
In life, there are many people like girls.
They always think that by virtue of their own efforts, they can win the love of others.
But he forgot to blindly flatter, let himself be scarred, and he couldn't get reciprocal feelings.
Writer Liu Tong said that good friends are never won through hard work.
A truly comfortable relationship relies on attraction, not please.
Chen Yinke, a master of Chinese culture, has a withdrawn personality and does not like to socialize, so he has to study.
As a young man, he studied in Germany for several years without making a single friend.
It wasn't until one later that he met Fu Sinian in the library of the University of Berlin.
The other party was carrying a large bag full of books, and it was a whole day in the library.
A few days later, the two met again in front of the library.
But they only had a brief exchange and went to read their own books.
In the days that followed, they rarely spoke, but they always met in the library.
Because they also love to read, the two gradually became friends.
The two took classes together during the day, discussed academics with each other, and even slept at night.
Later, the two returned to China one after another and worked in Kunming together.
Japanese planes bombed from time to time, and Fu Sinian immediately escorted the highly myopic Chen Yinke to escape.
When Chen Yinke saw that Fu Sinian was strapped for money, he would also save money to supplement the other party.
In this way, they supported each other through the most difficult times.
From acquaintance to acquaintance, from beginning to end, there was no deliberate greeting between the two, and there was no deliberate flattery.
They just got along casually according to their respective temperaments, and they built a deep friendship that lasted for decades.
There is a saying on the Internet that everyone admires your proud posture, and no one likes your pretending to be likable.
Any relationship is not something that you can get by bowing your head and flattering.
Managing too hard can't get true love, and compromising without a bottom line can't get friendship.
A good relationship doesn't require you to work hard to please you, but you can also cherish each other and share weal and woe.
2
Relationships that make you uncomfortable don't have to be deliberately maintained
I agree with one of Ma Weidu's views:
The more good friends you have, the more comfortable you are.
Whenever the other party makes you feel uncomfortable and depressed, there is no need to maintain such a relationship.
Mark Twain had a friend, Hart.
At first, Mark Twain was so impressed by Hart's literary brilliance that he often invited him to his home to discuss literature.
I don't think that after Hart read Mark Twain's works, he directly refuted it:
First, the storyline is old-fashioned, and then the text is not smooth enough......
Although Mark Twain was a little unhappy after hearing this, he was still convinced by the other party's frankness.
So, he repeatedly warned himself: The other party is also for his own good, and there is no need to care.
But as the relationship became closer, he felt more and more that Hart was too self-righteous.
When the two spoke, Hart's views did not allow him to object to them in the slightest, and he was always condescendingly judgmental of him.
The other party's strength and pride made Mark Twain unbearable, so he cut off contact with him.
Mark Twain thought that he would be sad for a while, but he never thought that life would be easier and more enjoyable.
Getting along with people should be comfortable and uninhibited.
You need to deliberately wronged yourself in order to maintain the relationship, so it is better to let go in time.
You must know that the more worthy of deep friendship, the more comfortable and relaxed it will be.
The friendship between the red master Zhou Ruchang and the collector Zhang Boju is like this.
Zhang Boju's family has a rich collection of books, and Zhou Ruchang often goes to him to read books.
But when they arrived at Zhang Boju's house, the two would not greet each other politely, they were quiet and busy.
Even when he was about to leave, Zhou Ruchang did not say goodbye, and Zhang Boju did not send off guests.
But such a relationship has never been awkward, and the two discussed poetry and red studies together, and they only felt comfortable and natural.
It is this freewheeling way of getting along with each other that has kept their friendship together for nearly half a century.
As a sentence in "Zhuangzi Shanmu" says: "The friendship of sages is as plain as water, not vanity." ”
The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, and the relationship seems to be dull, but each other can always be comfortable to be the most authentic self.
When the two interact with each other, they can get along well without deliberate tolerance and flattery.
Only this kind of friendship between relaxation and nature can go further.
3
The relationship between false feelings and hypocrisy does not have to be maintained vigorously
Do you have such friends around you?
When you are beautiful, he will always approach you intentionally or unintentionally, and pour out his heart and lungs to you;
But when you fall into a trough, he immediately disappears and refuses to lend a hand.
In the end, you find out that many so-called friends are just strangers who are mercenary and play on the spot.
As Rabindranath Tagore said, hypocritical sincerity is more terrible than the devil.
Associating with hypocritical people is meaningless except to consume energy and time.
In the best-selling book "Your Self-Discipline Gives You Freedom", it tells the story of a business manager Lao Wang.
Since Lao Wang joined the work, he has had a smooth journey and soon achieved the position of manager.
Over the years, he made many customers and suppliers, and they all called each other friends.
Lao Wang drank and sang with them, and often did not return home at night.
In this regard, his wife has complained many times that it is useless to have less contact with these people.
Lao Wang was not convinced, and defended:
"This society is all about relationships, multiple friends and multiple paths. Besides, they admire me, and a few of them want to poach me into their company!"
Therefore, in order to maintain the friendship between friends, during the New Year's holidays, Lao Wang would organize dinners and give gifts.
Until a year ago, because the market environment deteriorated, Lao Wang's company went bankrupt.
He called these friends, thinking that with years of friendship, it should not be a problem to arrange a good position for himself.
Who would have thought that these people would either refuse on the grounds that the company did not recruit people, or they would just hang up when they heard about it.
A group of people who called themselves brothers and sisters at the beginning, but in the end, no one reached out to help.
In the end, for most of the year, Lao Wang could only make a living by delivering food.
Found out?
This kind of false friendship is like the shadow of a person, when a person is in the sun, he will follow closely.
And as soon as a person walks into a dark place, it will leave immediately.
Many so-called brotherhood is deep, but it is all false affection.
If you take the fake friendship seriously and treat each other with all your heart, the end will only make you feel cold.
Shakespeare said that friends must be in trouble in order to be truly friendly.
True friends don't have any rhetoric at all, but they will always pull you in a critical moment.
In the future, you can only have time to maintain true friendship if you give up fake relationships.
▽
Su Qin once said this:
A really good relationship is effortless, there is no need to deliberately please and work hard, and the two people are already comfortable with nature.
The fellowship of friends is an attraction to each other, not just a convenient please;
The companionship of friends is a sincere exchange between the two parties, not a disguised flattery.
Any relationship that requires you to work hard is problematic.
Lin Qingxuan said in "Cool Bodhi" that the world is quiet, and human affection is weak.
A truly long-term friendship starts from a faint and shallow relationship.
From now on, you don't have to work hard to maintain your dealings with people.
When you approach all relationships with a relaxed and natural mindset, you will surely gain a long-lasting and comfortable friendship.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.