Be a person who loves to learn and is willing to grow with me
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I want to spend a lot of money to provide a good education for my daughter
Text/Yan Lingyang
Netizen private message (followed by fat sheep reply):
Hello, Sister Yangyang, I would like to ask a question. I'm 30 years old now, my daughter is six years old, I don't want to live my current life, I want to get a divorce, find a rich person, send my daughter to a good school, do you think it's likely?
At present, I bought a house in a third-tier city with my husband, and I have repaid the loan and living expenses every month, and I have almost no savings, I want to give my children a good education, and I have no heart to enroll in various classes, and I see all kinds of sayings that "after 20 years, my children will have less and less work, and if they do not receive a good education, there will be no good future in the future", I really can't live my own small life calmly, and I always feel that I made the wrong choice, and I could choose a better family to marry at the beginning, so I want to choose again now.
The main problem is that my husband's work unit is Hangzhou, and social security is also Hangzhou, and now my husband needs to register, and after I live in Hangzhou with my child for half a year, my child can go to primary school in Hangzhou next year, but he refused, because he considered that it would cost too much to rent a house in Hangzhou. Now I don't go to work, and we don't save more money every month, but if I go to work in Hangzhou, my salary will be just enough for our monthly rent and living expenses.
I considered that our hometown is the most difficult place to take the college entrance examination, so I want to give my children a chance to go to a better university.
My husband disagreed, he didn't pay much attention to the investment in educating children, and it was because he didn't have money, I didn't want to buy a house at the beginning, saying that he would spend money on educating children, and he felt that he had to buy a house, so the children had never been to any tutoring classes since they were young, and the children around him were several classes.
I want to find a new man, and I also think that if it is suitable, I can have the money to go to a good school for my children, and I also have the time and energy to do my own business, and I can develop in the future, and I can also give my children a better life completely by myself.
My current life is indeed because I don't work hard enough, I haven't had a long-term job after giving birth to a child, I don't know if it will be better in the future, and now I am indeed anxious every day, and there is no moment of calm, which may be caused by "ability is not worthy of ambition".
Some mothers don't know anything in the countryside, they don't think about the future of their children in the next 20 years, and they happily take their children every day, but just when I know, I am very unwilling, I have no choice since I was a child, and now my children have opportunities, I don't want to miss the opportunity.
Fat Sheep replied:
You're asking for help, it's really a lot of slots. If I'm a little grumpy, I'd suggest you take a look in the mirror, and you can't pee and take a picture.
In just one speech, I was very surprised by the few low cognitions you exposed:
First, are you overconfident in your own charm?
You are thirty years old, you have a six-year-old child, you have not worked for a long time since you gave birth, even if you are as beautiful as a fairy, how dare you imagine that there will be a rich man who will fall from the sky to help you and your husband raise your daughter and spend money on your daughter to give her a good education?
Your husband is your daughter's father, he works alone in Hangzhou to support his family, and it is a bit difficult to support your mother and son with the income he earns. Do you think the reason why rich men become rich is stupid, or is it upside down?
You are in your twenties, and you can't find a rich man in the marriage market, why do you think that you can turn the tables against the wind by "choosing again" now?
Imagine if there was a male beggar who couldn't even eat and expected you to give him a thousand dollars a month to raise his children, would you be willing? In the same way, do you think that a rich man would be willing to marry you and give your daughter a good life?
I'm amazed at your blind confidence, which is not at all the mind that a thirty-year-old woman should have.
Second, do you imagine that you can find a good job and receive a salary that can pay rent and living expenses if you go to Hangzhou, are you overconfident in your ability?
I counted your age, and my thirty-year-old daughter is already six years old, which means that you got married at the age of twenty-three or four, and then you didn't go out to work..... I can assert that your socialization is too low. This level of socialization doesn't mean that you can practice it after watching a few short videos.
It is clear that your husband is more socialized than you. He chose to buy a house, at least in the future, the whole family will have a place to stay, and he can also force himself to save, and he will not eat up because he "feels rich".
As for investing in education? I think it's even more inexplicable. Have you never gone to college, have you not experienced how difficult it is for college students to find employment, otherwise why do you have such a deep obsession with "going to a good university"?
Whether your daughter is studying in college or not, you can already see a thing or two, but just because you listen to this and that on the Internet, you have such anxiety and question your husband's decision to buy a house rather than enroll in classes for your children, which just shows that you are the more unreliable party when making family decisions.
Now that the economy is in a downturn, coupled with my judgment of your education and cognition, I think it will be very difficult for you to find a job in Hangzhou with a salary that can cover the rent and living expenses. This kind of imagination of yours is not based on a correct understanding of yourself. I think you're overestimating not only your sexual attractiveness, but also the price you can sell in the talent market.
Third, with all due respect, you are not material for a career at all.
You also said that in the future, you can develop your own career by finding a rich man.... This is just your wishful thinking, because women who really want to develop their careers will not consider the option of "finding a rich man" at all. They have the most basic understanding: everything they get in life needs to be earned by their own efforts. Everything that fate gives you, is secretly marked with a price. Some shortcuts are actually deep pits, while others seem to require climbing, and the fruits are the sweetest when you climb them.
Fourth, your understanding of education is very shallow, and instead of worrying about your children's education, you should educate yourself first.
A good education is to lead by example and be guided by values, rather than following the trend to enroll in classes. You gave birth to a daughter, and what you should instill in her should be independence and self-reliance, but what is on your mind right now?
You are in the mud, but you don't want to live your current life and climb up slowly by hard work, but sit at home all day looking up at the life of the upper class that you can't reach and try to imitate them.
Your spiritual core is unstable, and what others say or do can make you sway with the wind.
When you're in a dilemma, the idea you come up with is ridiculous.
For example, if you feel that your daughter can't get a good education, the first solution you can think of is to marry a rich man and expect this man to pay for a good education for your daughter.
Of course, there are people who take this road, but do you want to find a godfather yourself, or do you want your daughter to find a godfather? Note that godfather is a derogatory term here.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your daughter not enrolling in classes, but it's more dangerous for her to spend all day with a mother like you, feeling your anxiety and your values all day long.
Your private message for help has really subverted my cognition. I didn't know that there were people in the crowd who really thought that, but it was an eye-opener. Please, ask for more blessings.
Finally, I would like to complain a few words:
It's true to want a sugar daddy, but it's fake to provide a good education for your daughter. It's just that mentioning "providing a good education for my daughter" will seem to be more righteous when I want to spend a lot of money.
I know that many women in real life take this route. Little sisters of the same age who started from the same starting point as themselves, some of them are lucky, marry into a wealthy family, seem to have no worries about food and clothing, and do not blink when they register their children for classes.
Only I live with a husband who has a poor income, and I have to be careful to buy some fruits, and the more I look at my husband, the more I look like a wreck, and the more I think about it, the more psychologically unbalanced.
The result of the imbalance is to start the fantasy in the same place: I will now go to find a big money, I don't know if it will be too late?
I've never despised women's desire to make sugar daddies...... Cats have cat paths, dogs have dog paths, and everyone eats according to their abilities. But to be honest, there are tens of millions of people who want to take this road, but there are very few people who can really take this road.
Among these rare people, there are still many people who regret not being at the beginning (you think the food of the wealthy family is delicious, why do people support you with fine clothes and jade food).
You have such "ambitions", but in the end, you find a common man who is willing to earn money to support you and never cheat, and it is already the ancestral grave that is smoking.
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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 80s, emotional columnist, author of new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those That Make You Miserable, One Day You Will Say It with a Smile", "May You Let Go of the Past and Be Worthy of the Future", "May You Have a Journey and a Way Out", "I'm Divorced", "With Your Rivers and Lakes Are Not Lonely - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in financial industry (management), he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan Province, he now lives in Guangzhou.
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