Carl Jung once said, "The subconscious mind is controlling your life, and you call it fate." ”
When you find yourself getting worse and worse because of smoking, you always like to put yourself in the shoes of an "old smoker" to explain why things happened, and then feel comfortable not doing anything.
Or when you look back on your youth and find that you didn't even get into a bachelor's degree in the end after ten years of cold windows, you always like to put yourself in a role - "scumbag".
People always like to use "role fate" to cover up the contradictions that can solve the problem.
But should these roles really be you? Even if they are, can't the roles be changed?
What you should see is that under the so-called "smoker's fate", you habitually and dependently use cigarettes to relax, using cigarettes as an anesthetic for life.
The fundamental reason for the "fate of scumbags" is that you always love to brush your mobile phone non-stop, like emotional indulgence, and always love to entangle pain in various trivial matters, so time passes quietly, how can it be regarded as a ten-year cold window.
And all this is because the desires of the human heart are mixed and inconsistent, chaotic and disorderly.
Judson Brewer, an internationally renowned addiction expert, is aware of this, and has been deeply involved in mindfulness therapy for many years, writing "The Game of Desire", which sets things right in the battlefield of the game between people and desires.
After reading this book, you will understand how to talk to your inner desires.
It is the normal state of a person
Before the game begins, we need to face up to our desires.
Actually, there is nothing wrong with desire itself, human beings themselves are made up of a mass of desires, and it can also be called thoughts and desires.
However, there are some desires that can create addiction.
Addiction is something that you can't control and do, even if it's harmful to you.
A lot of smokers are like this, not because they need to smoke to solve the problem, but because they think it's time to smoke, and then they start smoking.
Don't they know that smoking is harmful?
They know it very well in their hearts, but their clever minds can also make some excuses for it, such as "just smoke this one, it's nothing", "there are more people than me who smoke, what are you afraid of"......
And once you want to quit smoking, your heart will become very struggling, and the torrent of desire will continue to be superimposed in your heart.
It's an addiction to smoking, and there are all sorts of addictive things like betel nuts, desserts, etc., and many people in the world struggle with it.
There is also an addiction in which people can't struggle and just immerse themselves in it.
That's addiction to yourself.
Just imagine, is there a situation in your life where an event happens, and you are obviously insensitive at the beginning.
But because I felt that I should show an emotion, I fell into it.
is like many couples who break up peacefully, they obviously choose to break up after careful thinking and weighing.
And I didn't feel sad when I first broke up.
But on the night of the breakup or the night after that, I would always cry once during the night, and then I would feel incredible the next day.
Because when emotions first appear, our control is taken away by "self-addiction".
Of course, this is not without reason, in primitive society, the catharsis of emotions can make the same kind of people pay more attention to you and see your existence, so we are easy to become addicted to it.
In short, whether it is the ills left over from the primitive society, or the things that make us desire, we always can't control ourselves.
Irrationality prevails, and reason is displaced.
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Thinking clearly is to find your best state
In fact, in the face of the desire of the chaotic rapids, we just need to calm down and quietly look at those thoughts.
As Shi Tiesheng once said: "Since the suffering has pushed me to the edge of the cliff, then let me sit down here, look at the mist on the cliff by the way, and sing a song to you." ”
It's not a kind of self-grooming, because in such silence, you will really find that the cigarette that is addictive to you is so uncomfortable to smoke and so spicy to your throat.
You will find that what is addictive to you does not actually bring you much pleasure.
In the face of "addiction to ourselves", we only need to keep our thoughts clear, face up to every trace of our emotional fluctuations, and face up to whether each of our logical judgments is mixed with personal emotions.
In fact, there are several addictions mentioned in the book, but the first step to solving all these addictions is to have a clear mind.
If our means of satisfying our desires is to put pressure on ourselves, then the prefrontal lobe of the brain, which sustains our willpower, will be pressed down.
Daniel Siegel, a professor of psychiatry, once saw a boy who was a sophomore in high school.
The boy's emotions are always out of control, and small incidents can make him go crazy, such as his sister coming to pick him up late from school, or his younger brother picking up his guitar to play without permission, which will make him scream in anger.
His family was afraid of him, but he just couldn't control his emotions and seemed to be addicted to "anger", and sometimes even so angry that he wanted to commit suicide.
Siegel uses the method of "mindfulness" to guide the boy, so that he consciously pays attention to the present moment, does not judge his own thoughts, but just looks at them quietly.
In addition to this, the sophomore also agreed to record his mental activity every day, pay attention to the changes in his emotions, and how well he practiced and exercised mindfulness every day.
After some time, the boy wrote in a diary like this:
"My brother pissed me off, and I'm really mad...... But then I went out for a walk, and I came to the yard, and I felt the split behind my head.
It was as if one part of me could observe the matter and the other part was lost in the emotions, and I wasn't sure how much that would help.
After a while, I seemed to calm down, as if I wasn't taking my emotions too seriously. ”
Therefore, when we are on the tide of desire, we should first quietly look at it, look at our own nature, and see ourselves clearly.
In the future, when we are ourselves, we will be more calm, and we will be more clear and translucent.
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Learn these three points to help you sober up and know yourself
(1) Ask for tranquility from the environment
The "tranquility" here doesn't have to be a pavilion in the woods, as long as it's an environment that makes you want to think deeply.
In such an environment, the clutter within you will be naturally soothed.
People are really susceptible to environmental influences, and a person who has been in the city for a long time is always prone to irritability.
In addition to this, friends can also be seen as a factor in the "environment". A warm and pure friend will make you inexplicably yearn for love and freedom.
(2) Look for flow
Human thinking has a focus, and when we are immersed in other things, it is as if a barrier is erected for other desires.
And the root of immersion is to have a flow of some things.
Some people rely on fitness to avoid emotional damage and immerse themselves in sports.
Some people rely on writing to let go of the burdens of life and immerse themselves in their thoughts.
After the flow, the things that were originally addictive to you seem to become worthless because you already have a good way to entertain them.
Of course, it's a little hard to get into a state of flow, but the most important thing is to realize that our game with a certain desire is not in an octagonal cage where we can go out and walk around right away.
(3) Choose generosity
Mean people are no longer easy to become focused, because they always want to criticize things, and it is precisely because of this unprovoked criticism that their arbitrariness has also gone offline.
Be a generous person, open the door for others, even if it is a thank you from others, even if you walk in with your head held high, you will be satisfied.
Because his mind went to help others on his own, and he didn't ask for feedback, his mind was more relaxed.
This kind of relaxation helps us to maintain mindfulness and clarity of our thoughts.
Write at the end
This city of desire seems to lack a sassy "waiting for the wind to come".
We all want to chase the wind, and we want to walk through thousands of windings in one step.
But you have to know that people can only slowly understand the world and then slowly renew themselves.
All that irrationality and immaturity cannot be burned to death in an instant.
Bao Whale wrote in "Waiting for the Wind to Come": "If you want to fly, it is not enough to have the courage to rush forward." We have to stop, empty ourselves, and just wait for the wind to come. ”
The gap between people may be a game with desire.
And the so-called strong man is just always sober and slow, but after a long time, he will go far.
Of course, it is not that we have no desires, because desires can be converted into driving forces, and can be turned into our ardent desires for rivers and rivers.
Finally, I would like to give you a word: bow your head and hurry, and be respectful!