I have seen a piece of people's livelihood news, and I have mixed feelings in my heart.
In the second half of his life, he was supposed to enjoy the joy of family life and spend his old age in peace. However, for Uncle Liu, who is 70 years old this year, this period of time has been particularly "difficult".
Uncle Liu's children have already started a family, and the family is harmonious and beautiful, and life is quite nourishing.
But since Uncle Liu retired from the unit a few years ago, the originally peaceful life has begun to undergo subtle changes.
At first, Uncle Liu only helped pick up and drop off a few grandchildren, and later, in addition to picking up and dropping off, Uncle Liu also had to bear the tuition fees of his grandchildren. Even, the daily pocket money of the grandchildren has become Uncle Liu's daily expenses.
When the grandchildren went to elementary school, every weekend, the sons and daughters all "went home to see", and Uncle Liu began to make trouble again.
Because the younger generation came and didn't do anything, Uncle Liu and his wife did all the work of buying vegetables, cooking, washing dishes, etc. Every time the children left, Uncle Liu and his wife had to rest for several days before they could slowly recover.
Source: Visual China
Especially in recent years, my son and daughter have always taken money from Uncle Liu, although they have always been in the name of "borrowing", but they have never paid it back.
"Actually, I feel like a mirror in my heart, I know that they have always used me as an 'ATM' who comes and picks up money whenever they need it. ”
One year, Uncle Liu was sick and hospitalized, and it was his son who handled the hospitalization procedures. But after this experience, Uncle Liu's medical insurance card, bank card, etc., all went into his son's pocket.
Since then, Uncle Liu has to ask his son for money if he wants money.
For this situation, Uncle Liu is quite helpless:
"Do you think I can insist on coming back with him? If I insist on it, not only will it be difficult to get these things back, but I may even have a stiff relationship with my children. I can only comfort myself, isn't it for the good of my children that I am a parent?"
The world is unpredictable, I thought that after retirement, I could have my children and grandchildren around my knees and enjoy my old age in peace, but I didn't think about it, but now I have become a nanny who pays money for my children.
In fact, Uncle Liu's experience is not unique, and there are many similar new types of "gnawing at the old".
Source: Visual China
Parents who were "kidnapped" by family affection are in a dilemma
According to the statistics of the China Research Center on Aging, more than 65% of urban families have the phenomenon of "old and young", and about 30% of adults rely on their parents to pay part or even all of their living expenses.
However, the children who are in it are unaware, and the suffering is the parents who still dare not relax after half a hundred years old.
Aunt Zhang, who is in her 50s, recently encountered such an annoyance.
As the first choice for many college students, the popularity of public examinations has only increased in recent years. However, the road to the examination is like "thousands of troops crossing a single-plank bridge", and the number of people who go ashore every year is very limited.
Aunt Zhang's daughter, Kitaly, has been graduating for two years, but she has been preparing for the civil service exam at home. said that it was preparing for the exam, but in fact, it was staying at home under the guise of "preparing for the exam".
Kitasato doesn't study hard at home, and every day he is either busy going out shopping and partying, or discussing with his little sister when he will go out to travel again.
Even if I occasionally find time to do the problem, it is just a dragonfly with water, and the water is wet over the ground. So every time I took the exam, Kitato's results were not ideal.
Source: Visual China
Aunt Zhang was worried about this matter, and she usually muttered in front of her daughter when she was fine:
"You're still going to read the book, don't be a temporary crammer every time, how can there be a pie in the sky?"
"Don't go out all the time and don't make any money yourself, but spend it comfortably. ”
“……”
At first, when Beili asked for money with his palms up, he occasionally blushed and felt embarrassed, but later, Aunt Zhang talked too much, and Beili became arrogant.
"It's easy to go out and work, but it's not the job I want. I'm going to get into the system, isn't that a one-and-done thing?"
The daughter was right-hearted, and Aunt Zhang saw that she couldn't persuade her daughter, so she had to let her. After all, when the child grows up and has his own ideas, it is not easy for parents to force their children.
It can be said that Aunt Zhang is a microcosm of countless "Chinese-style" parents.
Being "kidnapped" by adult children with feelings, in a dilemma called "love".
They want to support their children's choices, but they have to bear the reality of "raising the old and the young", and they can only continue to go through ups and downs on the road of life.
Compared with filial piety, parents want their children to be independent
Colleague Xiao Yang said such a thing.
Xiao Yang is 28 years old and an ordinary programmer with a monthly salary of 8,000 yuan. In second-tier cities, Xiao Yang's salary is moderate, enough to support himself.
However, Xiao Yang and his lover have been in love for 3 years and plan to get married this year.
Marriage is not a trivial matter, and the woman proposed a bride price of 100,000 yuan.
In order to make up enough money for the bride price, Xiao Yang also worked part-time to do some side jobs in addition to work. Even so, Xiao Yang's net income is less than 10,000 yuan per month, except for daily expenses.
According to this progress, it is unrealistic to save enough 100,000 yuan by the end of the year.
Last year, Xiao Yang bought a 98-square-meter house with a mortgage and a down payment of 380,000 yuan.
The money for the down payment is all from the parents.
Source: Visual China
In addition to this marriage, the parents also have to prepare a wedding banquet for them, buy 30,000 yuan of gold jewelry for their girlfriend, plus 180,000 yuan to buy a car, and their parents' savings have been emptied.
So, when Xiao Yang had to ask his parents again to "borrow money", his parents had to borrow 100,000 yuan from relatives.
Xiao Yang is actually very sensible, but in the face of reality, he also makes difficulties:
"If I could, I'd rather work my own, but my girlfriend can't wait for me all the time. This is the reality, if I don't gnaw at the old, my girlfriend will leave, so I can only take on the outside work as much as possible to make my parents less stressed. ”
However, what Xiao Yang didn't know was that in order to raise money for himself to get married, his father advanced the money that should have been used for the operation. It wasn't until Xiao Yang got married that his mother told him the truth.
In order to treat his father's illness, his mother cheekily borrowed more than 100,000 yuan from her parents' relatives, so that her father's treatment was not delayed.
However, after his father's illness was cured, he had to face a bigger problem:
Repay borrowed foreign debts.
In order not to affect the children's lives, the old couple quietly set up a breakfast stall in the vegetable market, getting up early every day and being greedy for darkness, and did not dare to relax at all.
Source: Visual China
We often say that adults learn to be independent.
Independence, although a cliché, has always been a scarce ability.
In fact, the best appearance of filial piety to parents is also these two words.
Even though parents work hard for half their lives and don't ask for anything in return, they must understand more for their children -
Although their parents didn't say it explicitly, they also longed for freedom, and they also had their own poems and distant places that they wanted to go to.
Their greatest expectation is not that the child will give back to him, but that the child will have his own vast sky and be able to support himself.
The world's most expensive "gnawing old" is called "I will raise you old"
The People's Daily reported on such an incident.
In Minhou County, Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, there is a little girl named Huang Silin.
When he was 4 years old, Huang Silin's father fell from the scaffolding at the construction site, causing a comminuted fracture of his spine and paralyzing all parts of the neck down.
In order to treat his father, the family was in debt, and Huang Silin's mother died of depression.
Since the age of 7, Huang Silin has shouldered the responsibility of taking care of his father alone.
Source: Internet
Every day, Huang Silin has to wash his father's face, brush his teeth, dress, feed him, and perform various cares such as turning over and massage.
In order to make ends meet, after graduating from junior high school, Huang Silin worked as a dishwasher and porter, and supported the family with his own hands.
The child's hard work, the father saw in his eyes: "Child, you are my everything." You don't have to be too tired, just live well with our father and daughter. ”
Knowing his father's distress, Huang Silin looked fearless: "It's okay, what I have is strength, we will definitely be able to live a good life." ”
Source: Internet
Rustic language and silent actions are exchanged for a thriving life.
In 2021, 26-year-old Huang Silin set up a mobile stall in the night market to sell roast pig's trotters and embarked on the road of entrepreneurship.
Source: Visual China
Huang Silin likes to give his roasted pig's trotters to his father to eat, and every time he finishes eating, his father is always full of praise.
"Although my father can't give me anything, as long as I have his company, I have the strength to do a lot of things. ”
Although it is hard, Huang Silin is very happy, because in her opinion, two people in a house, three meals and four seasons are life.
Source: Internet
Many netizens were deeply moved by Huang Silin:
"You raised me, I raised you old, full of positive energy. ”
Yes, filial piety comes first, crows have the righteousness of feeding, and sheep have the grace of kneeling.
When we were young, our parents sheltered us from the elements, and when we were old, we should hold them up.
The most expensive gnawing old man in the world is none other than "I will raise you for the old".
At this year's two sessions, many deputies and members put forward proposals on enhancing social security capabilities, including the need to reduce the burden of childbirth, upbringing, and education on families.
The host Bai Yansong also believes:
"I think it's a very good idea to reduce the burden on the family, because if you can reduce the burden on the younger generation of the family, including young couples, the whole family will also be beneficial. ”
In the long run, reducing the burden on families is in everyone's vital interests. Only when the burden on each family member is lightened can the family become happy.
From the current point of view, the key to family happiness is actually in the hands of each family member.
Source: Visual China
When the child's work and family cannot be balanced, parents can reach out to help;
When parents have gray hair and limited mobility, children can learn to feel distressed and caring.
Starting from love, love is home.
Only two-way dedication and giving is the antidote to "unilateral gnawing on the old".
I hope that all children in the world will understand the good intentions of their parents, and I also hope that all parents in the world will have something to rely on and enjoy their old age in peace!
Author: What is the night tonight, but when you meet a lover, the landscape is a journey.