When many people are criticized, rejected or belittled by others for a long time, they will immediately start the habitual repression mode to suppress their own bad emotions, and maintain the relationship with a pandering and tolerant attitude, unable to maintain their own interests and internal boundaries in an appropriate way.
Every time Ms. An goes back to her parents' house, she is counted down by her mother, and staying for a few days is like going through an emotional test. The mother would play with the child and tell her that the neighbor had bought the child new toys, new clothes and children's nutrition, and criticized Ms. An by the way: "Why are you so careless about the child, you really don't look like a mother, you are not qualified at all." "Mothers also interfere with their children's attention in the name of concern, often interrupting their children when they are drawing or playing with toys, asking if they want to eat, or simply stopping their children from playing on their own. will also continue to criticize and guide Ms. An when she is doing housework, making Ms. An feel controlled and denied. Whenever this happens, Ms. An is very angry, because she has formed such a relationship pattern with her mother since she was a child, not only is she used to suppressing herself and keeping silent, but she also uses the idea of "after all, she is her own mother, don't argue with her, she is also ...... for my good" to resolve her discomfort.
The reasons for why people suppress themselves excessively involve many aspects such as culture, social pressures, personal beliefs, and emotional management. In our culture, people are more inclined to appreciate introverted, strong, and rational people, and regard those who express emotions as emotional and unsociable.
In terms of personal cognition, under the influence of moral concepts and social norms for a long time, they will think that they should not have feelings of disgust or disgust towards their parents, and they will feel ashamed, fearful or anxious when they have such thoughts or emotions. Suppressing emotions will appear to take into account the overall situation, have a good personality, etc., and suspend discomfort when suppressing, thus forming a self-protection mechanism to avoid conflict by suppressing emotions.
In fact, repression can lead to a vicious circle: unwanted emotions arise→ trying to suppress → emotions become more stubborn→ more energy is used to suppress → emotions eventually explode. From this point of view, long-term excessive repression in a relationship not only destroys interpersonal relationships, but also may trigger a series of psychosomatic diseases such as asthma, stomach ulcers, panic attacks, depression, etc., and cause a strong emotional backlash in the future.
To get rid of excessive habitual repression, start by accepting your true self, pay attention to your emotions, experience your own feelings, consciously do not judge negative emotions, and describe emotions in specific words as much as possible. Try to look back at what happened in your free time and rehearse in your mind how to respond differently with your true feelings.
Set a bottom line for your emotions, calmly and objectively tell the other person how you feel when you touch the bottom line, concretize and contextualize the problem, focus on expressing your feelings and talking about what you want, and don't say attacks and accusations such as "you are the ......" or "you are all ......". This allows us to experience that "rejection" does not cause a relationship break. They will also become more resilient and flexible, and more able to deal with relationships in an appropriate way.
Pay attention to the two principles of expressing emotions: one is that no matter how intense the emotion is, it cannot be expressed in a way that hurts oneself or hurts others, and the other is not based on whether or not you can get the desired result, but so that the emotion can be seen and released.
Finally, when the person we want to communicate with, after we truly express our emotions, still can't understand the meaning, and still chooses to speak badly, then choose to keep our distance, don't get involved in unnecessary disputes and conflicts, invest time and energy in more meaningful things, and focus on enjoying the beauty of life.
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Producer: Zhang Wei Editor: Wang Ruoqian Editor: Zhang Qing Source: Gansu Women
◆ They were honored to be the National 38 Red Flag Collective ◆ Longnan Women's Federation and Chinese Shou Longnan Branch held a kick-off meeting for women's health "two cancers" insurance work and a lecture on women's "two cancers" health knowledge ◆ Longnan Women's Federation held the second (expanded) meeting of the fourth executive committee