Hello everyone, I'm a cute mom!
01
Children who "cry at every turn".
The little cream of the best friend's family is a sensitive and emotional little boy.
My girlfriend often jokes, "Others say that women are made of water, and most of our cream is spoiled, and the gender is changed, but it is also blistered." ”
The blistered little cream has recently filled up her best friend's "slot".
My best friend received a voice call from the little cream teacher, saying that the child was too fragile and teary-eyed when he encountered a little thing, and sometimes the teacher did not criticize but just reminded him, and his tears began to brush the ground and hit the ground.
Yesterday was the most exaggerated, the teacher just said softly, "This is not good, next time you can't", Xiao Cream began to sobble and cry, and then directly "howled" to the earth-shattering, making the teacher cry and laugh, and appeased again and again.
Teachers hope that parents will pay more attention to their children's emotional problems at home.
My best friend said that when she heard the teacher's description of how the child cried, her heart hurt before she had time, and her head hurt first!
"Little cream is like this, what should I do? I said, he also cried! I scolded, he cried even more", speaking of this, the girlfriend only drooped her head and sighed.
Having a child who cries at every turn is a real challenge for parents.
02
Is it better for a child who "can't hold back and doesn't cry"?
In the life scenes we have experienced, a person is always crying, and we will feel that this person is weak, while those who always hide their tears in their hearts often give the impression of being stronger.
In this way, it seems that people who "hold back and don't cry" seem to have the upper hand in the process of judging a person simply.
But if there really is a child who "can't bear to cry", can parents really breathe a sigh of relief?
It happened to be in the office that I asked my colleagues around me, "What do you think if your child is in trouble and always can't hold back from crying?"
Colleague A: "I don't like a child to hum and chirp all day, but he always endures, and I will worry about whether he has grievances and adults don't know." “
Colleague B: "It's not good, there are emotions, there is no outlet, there will be psychological problems, right?
Colleague C: "There is still a difference between being strong and being strong, if it's obviously uncomfortable, I'd rather he cry." ”
It seems that in the hearts of parents, they may not all support their children to "hold back and not cry", the child's every move affects the nerves of the parents, and the child's external performance is naturally seen by the parents, but now the child's internal needs are more and more taken to heart by the parents.
In fact, compared with children who "cry at every turn", children who "can't help but cry" have less mood swings, and they want to release more feelings.
03
What parents think about "crying", how children cry to show you
In most cases, just looking at the results of the behavior, more parents will show irritability for their children's frequent crying behavior, but when criticizing or correcting their children, seeing their children stubbornly holding back and not crying, parents will also have a sense of authority being challenged.
Parents have different tendencies to pay attention to their children's crying, which leads to different attitudes towards their children's crying, and parents' attitudes further affect the way children "deal" with the world: whether to cry more or endure more.
04
There is a big difference between a child who "cries at every turn" and a child who "can't hold back and doesn't cry".
"Crying" and "not crying" are different ways for children to deal with problems, each child has its own characteristics, can not simply say that way is better, but "crying at every turn" and "holding back not crying" children do have many differences, especially these three points are obvious:
Difference 1: Mental toughness is different
Children who "cry at every turn" are more likely to show their emotional fluctuations in the face of setbacks, and their needs are more likely to be paid attention to, and they are more likely to be blamed for their emotions.
Especially when children are overly dependent on crying as the only way to express their emotions, when they face pressure, their expectations of other people's attitudes will be greater than their own cognition of their own behavior, and if they get not positive feedback, it is easy to break the defense psychologically.
Children who "can't hold back and don't cry" will have a much stronger ability to withstand short-term pressure and will naturally be more resilient, but in the long run, it is easy to accumulate unresolved psychological burdens, and superimpose internal pressure on top of external pressure.
Difference 2: Different models of trust building
Crying children are able to build a trusting relationship with their caregiver more quickly, and they are the initiators of the relationship signals.
Because of frequent reassurance seeking, parents or other caregivers have the opportunity to give timely feedback and support.
Children who are patient and do not express themselves, although they appear to be more emotionally independent, do not easily express their emotional needs, and may not understand and accept their emotions enough in the early stages, and need more guidance to recognize and accept their emotions. In the process, the child who can't hold back his crying passively releases his trust and attachment needs.
Difference 3: Different strategies for solving problems
Crying serves as a signal for help, making it easier for your child to be noticed when facing a problem.
Children who cry at every turn often solve problems with tears – crying frequently, expressing needs frequently in order to be met or assisted.
Children who are resistant to tears are better at solving problems independently.
However, there are pros and cons to this kind of independence, which may make children miss out on opportunities to cooperate or resolve misunderstandings due to their personality, and they may also feel isolated when they are unable to solve difficulties on their own.
05
Children with two different traits express their emotions "in two ways"
Every child is an individual, and their performance is influenced in many ways, sometimes in complete opposition to each other, but not in high or low.
Crying at the right time and suppressing emotions appropriately are not absolute opposites, the key lies in how to guide children to establish healthy emotional expression and processing.
Children who cry at every turn may grow to be more outgoing, emotional, and empathetic, and parents need to focus on avoiding overly emotional behaviour patterns.
Children who hold back their cries may become more reserved, independent, and calm people, but care should be taken to avoid over-suppressing emotions that can lead to emotional isolation and alienation.
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