In a humane society, we need to pay attention to human feelings. Whether we like the world or not, we are inevitably influenced by it.
You are a straightforward person who doesn't have any scheming, so you think that others don't have scheming either, and you go straight. In this way, you are prone to taboos and offend people.
There is a truth, I hope you and I can understand: we don't care about human feelings, it doesn't mean that others don't care about human feelings. People are always different.
Take the matter of "visiting relatives at home" as an example, do you think this involves human sophistication? Where there are people, there is right and wrong, and where there is right and wrong, there are rivers and lakes.
When interacting with people, if you say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, you may arouse the disgust and disgust of others, which is the norm of a humane society.
Visiting relatives during the Chinese New Year, don't say these 4 kinds of words, the more you say, the more annoying you will be.
1. When it comes to "how much money you make", it's better to say less.
As soon as relatives and friends see you, they will say a few polite words at the first time, and then ask you how you are doing this year, how much money you have earned, and what your plans are for the future.
If you are a straightforward person, then you will most likely tell the truth about which company you work for, how much money you can make in a year, and what your future plans are like this and that.
After saying these words, the attitude of relatives and friends towards you is either indifferent or more enthusiastic. This involves a kind of human psychology - not seeing people well.
If you say that you have earned hundreds of thousands this year, and your relatives think that you have earned more than them, then they will feel uncomfortable and will not have a good attitude towards you. Apathy is the most obvious manifestation.
If you say that you don't make much money, you are poor, and your relatives think that they are better off than you, then they will look down on you, but it is not easy to say it, so they will comfort you and behave more enthusiastically.
When it comes to how much money you make, it's best not to say it, just fool around a few words.
Second, if you can talk about your own family affairs, you won't talk about it.
When you go to someone else's house to visit the New Year, you inevitably have to sit down and talk a few words. This chat either involves all kinds of gossip, or it involves all kinds of parents.
If others like to talk about their own family affairs, then we might as well be listeners, not talking about it ourselves, but letting others do it. In this way, all kinds of troubles are avoided.
Of course, not everyone can be a listener. The vast majority of people like to complain, or talk eloquently, revealing their family affairs, and do not know how to hide them at all.
You will find that you have spoken to this relative and revealed your family affairs, and after a while, the whole family group will know, and even the whole village will know.
This is the unique phenomenon of "one to ten, ten to hundred" in a humane society. What you say to others from the bottom of your heart will only be used as talking point by others, and it will not be beneficial to yourself.
You just need to know what your own family affairs are. There is no need to tell others about the specific situation. Keeping family secrets and being a listener is the only way to live a mature life.
3. Whether the food is good or not, try not to tell the truth.
During the New Year's holidays, when we go to relatives' houses to pay New Year's greetings, others will prepare some meals to entertain us. The food is delicious, but if it's not delicious, we have to pretend to be "good".
Isn't this a lie? It's not a lie, it's the most basic human sophistication. In front of others, the most taboo is to directly point out the shortcomings of others.
When it comes to eating, it's good to stick to one principle: if you like to eat, eat more. If you don't like to eat, eat less. Even if it's really hard to eat, you have to move your chopsticks a few times and try to give others a certain amount of face.
Some people don't understand this truth, just like innocent and ignorant children, who say which dish is not delicious in front of others at every turn. In this way, it really offends people.
Think about it, if you prepared a meal for someone and they said that the food you cooked was unpalatable, what would you think? You would definitely think that this person was doing something on purpose.
People are of the same mind, and if you think this way, others will think the same way. In this case, going through the motions and giving others a certain amount of face is the real way to be a person.
Fourth, embarrassing topics, try not to mention.
Get along with others, try not to make this taboo and expose other people's scars.
If there is something difficult for others to talk about, we just know it, and don't mention it in our mouths. Possibly, this is someone else's sad thing, and once we mention it, it will turn both sides against each other.
Knowing that the other party is poor and can't make a few dollars, then let's not mention the issue of making money. Knowing that the other party's child has bad grades, then let's not say how good our child is.
There is a case. Lao Chen took the children who were admitted to 985 University back to his hometown for the New Year. As soon as I arrived at my relative's house, I showed off everywhere how hard and powerful my children were, and they were admitted to 985, and the future is absolutely bright, and they also said that people with relatively low educational backgrounds are easy to be eliminated.
The children of relatives could not be admitted to high school, and only studied secondary school, so they came out to work. Therefore, after listening to Lao Chen's words, his relatives thought that Lao Chen was sarcastic about him, so they were particularly disgusted with Lao Chen and did not give him a good look.
Lao Chen just wanted to show how powerful his child was. He didn't expect that the more he showed off his child, the more he poked other people's lung tubes. The relationship was naturally ruined by these few words.