Recently, I often chase a chronological essay written by Mr. Su Laosan. The story takes place in the 90s of the last century, and is an emotional story based on her personal experience.
Thanks to Toutiao, I was able to see other people's stories, people who had different life trajectories from me, how did they live?
Teacher Su Laosan used a lot of pen and ink to write about a husband who was domestic violence, I don't think it can be done, she herself has experience in this area. Otherwise, it would not be so powerful to describe the back of the paper, so expressive.
Through her descriptions and statements, and through those gloomy words, people can feel that after many years, the domestic violence man still left her indelible damage!
I didn't have this concept of domestic violence, especially male domestic violence, when I was young.
When I was a child, I lived in rural Hebei.
Wife beating is common in us, just like a chicken on the shelves and a dog having fun, it's commonplace. I remember a few of them.
There was a man in our downhill who was a little lame, and he liked to beat his wife, so why did he like to beat his wife? I still can't figure it out, anyway, it's just beating. Chase and fight in the yard.
As soon as he beat his wife, everyone followed the gratuitous joy and coaxed, as if his wife was from another province, and this man was from our village, and the man in our village married a woman from another province, so he must beat her to defeat her majesty and arrogance. So whenever the provincial woman was beaten and screamed, everyone cheered behind for no reason, and now I think about what a cruel picture this is, but I was still young at the time, only a few years old, so I didn't feel it at all, and I still slapped it!
The woman from the province now thinks about it as if she was yellow and thin, and after she was beaten, she sat there crying, crying and crying, but the more she howled, the more energetic our group became, and there they coaxed and even slapped them, from adults to children, first adults were happy, and then infected children.
Wife beating has become a field entertainment for us.
The so-called people's customs are not changing, which may be the case, and there was no modern humanist ideology in the countryside at that time, and I don't know how sad the beaten woman should be.
But in fact, the provincial woman who was beaten, she seemed to agree with this, it had been like this for thousands of years, anyway, after crying for a while, she patted the soil, went home, was very numb, and continued to live the next day!
Sunrise and sunset. Spring ploughing and winter storage. For thousands of years, in the land of northern Hebei, it seems that farmers have lived like this, just like the ballad that my mother often hummed when she sat on the kang at night: the sky presses the earth, the sun is on the moon, and the dry is connected with Kun!
This seems to be a very old ballad, which has remained unchanged for eternity, so is the relationship between the Qiankun also eternal? In a patriarchal society, is the absolute establishment of male dignity also eternal?
Of course not, there have been some changes, but they have not been completely changed.
Why?
Because I suddenly noticed one thing, that is, I was surrounded by domestic violence men.
First of all, my ex-husband is a well-known domestic violence man.
But my ex-husband, this guy is very good! The big man is very brave on the battlefield and very enthusiastic at work.
Even for a long time, I felt that he was a very upright person, and he was a little too upright. Mu Xiu will be destroyed by the forest wind!
I remember that at that time, I often comforted her, comforted this man who was especially unkind in the unit, and had no ambition, and put him and Wen Tianxiang, Yue Fei, and Xin Qiji, together. Swinging around, that means that you are a loyal minister, and those who have stepped on you behind your back are traitors and villains, well, the big man nodded fiercely after hearing this, he felt satisfied, and his heart was a lot more spacious.
I think the big guy is very good, the only flaw is that the brain is not very good, his way of solving problems is very direct, and he is short-tempered.
Once, I saw him explode while answering the phone, slamming the phone, picking it up and falling to the ground, which stunned me. I don't know why a person is so unable to control his temper, and I don't think the little thing he encountered is worth it.
Every time there is a big event, you must be calm!
I remember that I gave him such a picture of the middle hall and asked him to hang it, and I couldn't write it well, but the big one was still hanging up, but the problem was that he didn't have any breath!
This is his lifelong flaw, but this is not an excuse for him to become a domestic violence man, our marriage is very short, all of them add up to less than a year.
Because I couldn't have children, I later took the initiative to divorce and withdraw from his side, and I decided that I would never see him again for the rest of my life.
Obviously, if two people have any emotional entanglements, how will they start marriage in the future? So we didn't see each other again, except for one time when I was very sick and sent to the rescue, he looked at me.
But the question is why such a person came to a big change in his later marriage, or maybe the demon possessed him.
I heard his sister tell me that the process of his domestic violence was terrifying, and it made people's hands tremble. Yes, I have a problem with this person, whenever I encounter something very exciting, I neither shout nor scream, because without that strength, my heart can't bear it, and my hands tremble.
I heard his sister say that the eldest man once somehow, while eating, he felt that his daughter-in-law had offended him, he put the chopsticks down, came up and gave his daughter-in-law a palm, and then grabbed his daughter-in-law's hair, dragged her directly to the stairwell on the first floor, opened the door with a bang, threw the daughter-in-law in, and closed the door again.
Shut up your daughter-in-law. This thing sounds really shivering, not that it is terrible, but I think this woman is your son's mother!
This kind of practice, even my brother, a scumbag, can't accept it! He has maintained a lifelong friendship with the eldest one, and he has admonished him many times, and the reason for his brother's admonition is:
Your wife is your descendant, and your wife is an equal person with you, and that is the mother of your heir, and if you beat her, you will be tantamount to beating your son, and if you beat your son, you will not be beating yourself.
But the big one doesn't care about this!In the words of my brother:
The eldest brother couldn't control his temper, he couldn't control his hands, and he didn't care about it after a wave of anger came up!
Chen Gongzi is too capricious!
Is there anyone who can't control their temper? I put a question mark, I don't believe it!
Because I couldn't control my temper for a while, I was sometimes very angry, full of anger, and the reason was very simple, I took the wrong medicine!
A quack doctor gave me a medicine that interfered with people's nerves, so I immediately became angry.
In the middle of the night, I couldn't stop my anger and couldn't sleep. But I have a way to dissipate that anger.
I didn't beat my sleeping wife with my fist, I ran to the living room with my fist, grabbed the sofa towel and tablecloth, and the curtains, I took the toilet and took a large basin, and washed it by hand there, and worked for half the night.
I put out the water and washed my clothes, and then in this strenuous exercise, I slowly calmed down my emotions until I could breathe calmly and evenly, and only after all this was over, did I go to bed!
I don't believe that you can't control your temper, and even if you can't, you can always change your behavior. Why don't you hit the wall with your brains? Why don't you give yourself two mouths? I think it's all an excuse!
Of course, domestic violence men will inevitably be counterattacked!
It's like now. At this time, in the moment. The big man's home has become a pot of porridge again. Due to years of domestic violence, his daughter-in-law couldn't bear it, and after the child went to college, she began to file for divorce, again and again. Finally, even if the husband has a strong family background, he can't hide his wife's anger!
Later, they finally divorced, but after the divorce there was a problem, his wife quickly moved out of Beijing, and what about the little son born in this marriage? He was very indignant at what his father had done, so when it came to the New Year's holiday, he wanted to go to Shaanxi to accompany his mother and leave his father alone in Beijing.
And this made the eldest one feel very disappointed, as soon as he arrived at the festival, he wanted to be a family, all together, with a wife and children, big and young, to celebrate a Chinese New Year together, and then you dispersed on weekdays. Leave me this decency, or rather, perfection. But the problem is that now, his ex-wife is no longer willing to give him a reunion!
So what to do?
The son is going to accompany his mother for the New Year.
The little young man said: I can't let my mother be alone, alone for the Chinese New Year's Eve!
He has always felt that his mother is a vulnerable group in marriage, and the relationship between mother and son is very deep, very good, and cannot be separated at all. What about Dad? Is he alone for the holidays, or is he spending the holidays with the nanny? The whole family is now very embarrassed, and they are now engaged in diplomatic mediation through their relatives!
I wonder what the final outcome of this will be?
In fact, in addition to my ex-husband, my younger brother is also a domestic violence man.
But he's a domestic violence man. It's not my wife, because my brother is a very traditional person, don't look at him with his hair parted, actually he has a braid hanging down the back of his head, don't look at him in a suit, in fact, under the suit, he wears a riding coat.
The younger brother respects his wife very much, and he feels that husband and wife are one. Marriage needs to be managed, and giving yourself a stable rear is one of the important signs of a man's success!
So he respects his wife very much, and even sometimes he often plays cheap, calling his fat daughter-in-law Sister Ying, a cold and domineering president outside, and sometimes even puts his head in the arms of that fat sister at home, and is coquettish!
A man is multifaceted.
The younger brother also has a lot of pressure at work, of course, he has a lot more pressure than the older one, after all, he is a businessman, and his net worth and life are tied to the business. Sometimes one wrong step is really a cliff, and his brother's business has had huge problems, and he is also the lucky one who was pulled up from the cliff. So in daily life, my younger brother is a pioneer with great pressure!
And what should this man do when he is stressed? Beat his wife! Yes, his way of relieving stress is also domestic violence.
I don't think domestic violence has much to do with academic qualifications, and I know many men, what doctoral supervisors, what doctors, what unit leaders, still domestic violence!
Intellectual women have double humiliation after suffering domestic violence, on the one hand, from their husbands, and on the other hand, from public opinion.
We can only say that there is a dark side to human nature.
I also said that my younger brother is also a domestic violence man, who is the violent child? Violent junior, long-term domestic violence junior! I gave him a nickname, saying that he is a famous dish in Tianjin, and he is a popular third child!
His successive juniors have all been beaten, but there are also different situations here, some are completely greedy for money, vain love with money worshippers, and they will be beaten when they are beaten, nothing is wrong! But there is an exception among them, there is a third son, who is a kind of top girl who is in love and has great hopes for men.
She is a girl from Xi'an, highly educated, this girl is relatively simple at first glance, and under her glamorous appearance, she has a stupid and stupid temperament.
After I got in touch with her for a while, I had a faint worry, I didn't know what kind of ecstasy soup my brother poured into that stupid girl behind his back, a man was having an affair, of course he wouldn't say to San:
My daughter-in-law is very nice, and you are just my tool to vent my desires!
This copy is too straightforward, unless the man is very old and powerful.
When I dated this girl, my brother was still young and very handsome, and he still wanted some sincere emotions at that time, so he came to lie to Chanjuan with rhetoric.
He told other girls that he and his daughter-in-law had no common language at all, and said that his daughter-in-law was completely asked by his family to marry, and what he really loved was someone else's girl.
You are a very special woman in my heart!
Phew, this sentence is the language formula of all scumbags. Now even my younger brother's youngest son, the second monkey in the sixth grade, would say the same!
But the bad thing is that this girl in love really believed this. After dating the young boss for three years, the girl heard about the boss one day and hurried back to Beijing, in fact, the grandmother was about to give birth.
Somehow, the woman suddenly came to the evil fire, and she felt that she should go to Beijing to find her man and call him back. obviously loves yourself, and you are still old to see what your wife does. So, this girl went to our house in Beijing to force the palace!
The junior came to the door and forced the palace to have big.
This kind of drama has appeared many times in TV dramas, how did the disgusted big angrily criticize the mistress? How did the mistress who traveled thousands of miles take humiliation on herself? There are many versions, but the version that this top girl encountered was the most tragic.
The younger brother, in front of his wife, came up and slapped the girl,
Then came a cold sentence:
Presumptuous, you dare to speak to your wife like that?
A sentence of wife, woke up the head girl in the love brain, oh my God, it turns out that this man has always regarded himself as a concubine in a feudal society, and at this time, the woman who is pregnant with Liujia is a husband and wife equal to him, that is Mrs.
In the end, the beaten junior became a big problem for me. This girl is a daughter from an intellectual family, she has been pampered since she was a child, she is so high-spirited, she would rather bend than bend!
When love was disillusioned, she climbed to the top of the building, oh my God, I have had nightmares for nearly ten years because of this little girl, and I often dream that night, she was on the top of the building, facing the sky, sad and indignant!
Hungry or a doll cracked, you bully hungry!
She is a very fashionable Xi'an girl, I heard Shaanxi dialect from her mouth for the first time, she is not willing to speak this dialect on weekdays, it can be seen how painful and sad the girl was at that time! All love was disillusioned, a slap in the face, a wife, let her see the true face of this man!
Of course, this matter reached the ears of my wife, who had no sympathy for the girl. He said, this girl deserves it! She knows three things, you go to force other people's big to force the palace, and make other people's stomachs abort, and then cry Isn't it someone else's big? This person herself has a bad character, and your brother beats her to be black and eat black!
But I still think that in this matter, if the girl is at fault for three, then my brother is wrong for seven. You shouldn't say anything to people, in my heart you are the most beautiful, you are the best, you are the loveliest, the most pure...
It's all! The mouth of a scumbag, the ghost of deception. Where is the marriage certificate? Where is the property? Where is his interest. People and big are tied up tightly. But many men, especially many entrepreneurs, still have a feudal brain, and their good wives set wild flowers outside their homes. Some of them have even passed the famous road. What a little lady, second lady, oops, black mess!
I once asked my wife a low-level question,
I said, "Why do men want domestic violence?"
My wife, a former boxer, said to me with certainty:
In fact, these are three words, what kind of domestic violence, affair, cheating, betrayal,
At the root of it, it is three words, bullying!
The relationship between people is not only equal cooperation, but also mutual pressure, mutual fraud, hierarchy, and competing interests, and the same is true in marriage.
I think what my wife said is particularly right, this world will always be external and internal. Under loyalty, filial piety, courtesy, and righteousness, there is a real law of the jungle! Maybe we haven't evolved to that level of civilization. Under suits and leather shoes, under tall titles, under those very handsome faces, under very prominent diplomas, many people still have a heart of the jungle!
It's just three words: bully!
