I've always liked Li Jian, he's a "real library".
I like him, not because he is handsome, humorous, talented, and well-versed, but because he is a combination of knowledge and action.
In life, even various celebrities in ancient and modern times, Chinese and foreign celebrities, people who can really achieve the "unity of knowledge and action" are very, very rare.
This is also why what Li Jian said will be more referential than many books.
It's a pity that I used to be young, and I didn't understand a lot of what I said to him, or even disagreed, but now I have experienced a lot of things, and when I look back, I find that I was too right.
Therefore, I have selected 5 sentences that Li Jian said and share them with you.
Many people only understand these words after divorce.
1
"When I was in school, I said, 'It would be nice if I had as much money in my pocket as I have time'.
At that time, I remember very clearly, I played the piano with Lu Gengxu, and I said that if I had money, I would like to go to Xiushui to buy clothes, go to Xinjiekou to buy turtlenecks, and I would also buy leather boots and CD players.
It's these little favors and fantasies that give me a lot of happiness.
These things, laughing at now, seem boring, but I was very serious at the time.
Later, when these small wishes were gradually realized, my life was undoubtedly full and full.
There are little fantasies that, when realized, are the gifts of life.
These gifts of life are more important than those lofty ideals. ”
This passage seems very, very prosaic, but it is too advanced.
Many men will always dislike their wives for buying and buying, disgusting their wives for having pets, and disgusting their wives for only knowing how to clean up and dress up.
These sesame grains-sized things will always become the cause of quarrels, and even develop into divorce.
It wasn't until after the divorce that I found out what these were.
If there are no small desires and small expectations in life, then it would be good for everyone to become a monk collectively, so what are you tossing around?
These small desires are the fireworks of life.
On the other hand, if you can satisfy your partner with a little money and a small gift, and make them happy like a child because of your small efforts—what is cheaper in the world that can make people feel satisfied and happy?
2
"Self-pleasure is the most important thing. ”
"There are not so many people who get happiness from their work, I have been to Silicon Valley a lot, and it is said that there are nearly 10,000 graduates (from Tsinghua University) near California, and most of them get very little pleasure from their work. When they talk about their own fun, they all say that it comes from playing football, and that kind of fun will not change for many years. ”
"The problems faced by young people today are more serious than they were when I was younger, so I think people should still pay attention to the present life and try to experience some of the joy of life. ”
These are a few words that Li Jian said on different occasions, and I put them together, because they all mean the same thing, so they are considered one sentence.
Having fun by yourself, having fun in small things, and having fun in the little things like wiping the toilet, combing the dog's hair, making bed sheets, making tea, watering flowers, planting vegetables, and making breakfast is the true meaning of life.
Those couples who often quarrel are basically couples who "have no leisure", and they all say that they want to be "busy with business", but the result is that they don't get the right thing, they don't earn money, and the relationship between husband and wife is a mess.
Between husband and wife, if you don't go to do some small things together, don't do some "out of tune" things together, just come back at night to sleep, and still have different quilts in the same bed, back to back - you say, if it goes on like this, the people in line at the Civil Affairs Bureau are not you and your husband and wife?
If you don't have the habit of running a life together, then you should also allow and even support each other to do something he likes, such as the man goes fishing and plays games, and the woman goes to manicure and online shopping.
Work is already boring, and life is dry, and the marriage will have to crack.
3
"A good marriage will make people stronger, and a bad marriage will make people worse.
Many singers and actors, whose careers later stalled, have a lot to do with his partner. In fact, two people grow together and influence each other. ”
Li Jian has said this sentence many times on different occasions, from when he was relatively young, to now he is almost 50 years old.
I don't know if a good marriage can really make people feel like a tiger, but it is an indisputable fact that a bad marriage makes people worse.
The intriguing part of this sentence is the word "to add insult to injury", which translates to the blunt words: a bad marriage makes a bad person worse.
Whether you want to admit it or not, if your marriage is very bad, it has a lot to do with you in essence. I don't believe you, look at the divorced people around you, they complained because they looked away and looked at the wrong person, but after they divorced, their situation did not get better.
In this sense, I feel:
Those who are in a poor mental state, have a poor financial situation, and are not mentally mature enough, it is better not to get married yet. When you get married, it's hard to say whether the marriage hurt you or you hurt the marriage;
And for those who are already married, if you feel very depressed, very painful and unable to change in your marriage, it is better to divorce as soon as possible.
The worse is not the worst, what is even worse is that it worsens for a long time, and finally becomes a frozen piece.
4
"It is very beautiful to describe the love of young people, people like to see handsome men and beautiful women, but they just forget a very important question, that is, the long life after love, how to manage and face each other's changes, especially in the face of a change in life, when they get older, when each other's appearance no longer attracts each other, especially the most cruel thing, when there is illness.
Someone will ask you, 'Whether you are poor or sick, are you willing to love him all your life?' and it's easy to say yes, but it's not the same thing as doing. It's a test that takes a lifetime to complete. ”
It's still a plain paragraph, and it even seems a bit cliché.
But this is what Li Jian said, and the difference is that he has his own real life as an endorsement.
His life can be seen from his wife Meng Xiaobei's Weibo, the couple is practicing what he said, "self-fun" and "finding fun in life".
We ordinary people, not to mention that we love each other when we are old and have been sick for a long time, even some small problems and shortcomings of the other party will make us angry.
How do you love someone for a long time? How do you tolerate someone for a long time?
It is said that we should cherish and tolerate, which is easy to say, but it is not only difficult to do.
A lot of divorced people, they say, if they do it all over again, they will cherish it – but don't worry, even if they do it all over again, they won't cherish it.
Because, cherishing is not something you can do if you have a heart, even if you remind yourself to cherish all the time, you don't know how to cherish, because cherishing is a technical job.
How to cherish it?
Like Li Jian and his wife Meng Xiaobei, the couple often experience life together, drink tea together, water flowers together, and read books together.
The so-called cherishing is to feel the details of life together, and to taste those small and beautiful things and moments together.
5
"The love in my mind should be - become family affection, become friendship, can be long-lasting. ”
When Li Jian said the half sentence "The love in my mind should be", he pondered for a long time before saying the next words - become family affection and friendship.
When many people see this sentence, they don't think it's a big deal and think it's not a big deal.
But do you really understand what family affection is, and do you really feel the power of friendship?
You may not have it, but divorced people can feel the strength of family and friendship very deeply - how many marriages are not broken up by the family and friends of one or even both parties?
Originally, the couple was fine, at most there were some minor contradictions, but they couldn't stand the gossip, vision, and attitude of their families, coupled with the fanning of friends and girlfriends, and in the end, they were beaten with chickens and eggs.
What is Affection?
Many people get married, and they quietly stuff money into their brothers and sisters, just like the legendary "brother demon", and even ask for money from their husband's family to subsidize their younger brother, tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands, as if she is unwilling not to empty her husband's family - this is your family affection.
If you two were as good to each other as you were to the family of your original family, would you divorce?
What is Friendship?
Whatever you do with your husband, you tell your girlfriends, you listen to everything your girlfriends say, or your wife or anything, you find your brother or even your "confidant" to say, and you believe everything they say - this is your friendship.
If you can communicate with your other half calmly about everything, if you can patiently listen to your other half's thoughts and treat him as a girlfriend and a friend, will your relationship break down?
A couple, if they can really treat each other like they do to their family members of their original family, like they do to their best friends, I find it hard to believe that their relationship will break down, really.
The above are some of Li Jian's words and my opinions.
Compared with many big truths, Li Jian's "small truths" are more enlightening and helpful to real life.
Of course, it is easy to understand the truth, but it is not very useful, and the key is to "combine knowledge and action".
Author: Li Wanwan