"It's just a joke between the children, and you're so up-and-coming. ”
The child is being bullied, and the other parent is still scolding you like this, what should you do?
A few days ago, a friend noticed a bruise on her daughter's leg.
When asked why, the daughter said:
"I fell on my own. ”
My friend continued to ask and found out:
It turned out that during the morning run, the boy behind deliberately stepped on her shoes and fell.
My friend asked puzzledly:
"It's obvious that someone else is bullying you, why don't you tell the teacher?"
My daughter said that it was not the first time he had stepped on my shoes, and I had told the teacher before, but the teacher said:
"It's normal for a classmate to step on a shoe in the back, and it's such a trivial matter to sue you. ”
The friend was angry and communicated with the other parent, and there was the parent's statement at the beginning.
Pranks between classmates, petty fights, many times are downplayed as trivial things, don't take it seriously.
But when "bullying" becomes a "continuous and recurring" behavior, it escalates to "bullying".
If a child is bullied, whether it is to endure it or fight back, it is not the best policy.
Wise mothers are using the "green tea method" to educate their children.
Silence is an accomplice to bullying
It is said that silence is an accomplice to bullying, and forbearance is the catalyst for bullying.
Not long ago, a heinous video circulated on the Internet:
In the video, a middle school student is forced to take his fecal-stained fingers in the toilet under the pressure of the photographer.
And from the video, you can see people coming in and out of the door.
And this is not an isolated case.
A 12-year-old boy in Jiexiu, Shanxi Province, sat on the ground with feces in his hand, coughed and retched after being forced to eat it in his mouth;
In the Datong school bullying incident, a little boy in the fourth grade was abused, beaten, and sexually bullied by his classmates for two years, and the details are unsightly......
These evil deeds, when placed on adults, are appalling, who would have thought that they would happen to underage children.
From these bullying incidents, we see the weakness of children and the evil of children, and this is only the tip of the iceberg.
According to the UNESCO study Behind the Numbers: Ending School Violence and Bullying:
One in three students in the world has been bullied by a classmate.
Among them, 33% of children were bullied, 11% died, and only 4% of parents knew about it!
School bullying is so rampant, and children prefer to live in fear and despair.
They are afraid that the abuser will become more serious after resisting, and they are even more afraid that they will be bullied after helping.
There are also some children who have asked their teachers and parents for help, but they are treated as "small things" or "their own problems".
In the well-known hit drama "Little Shede", Huanhuan was jealous of Mi Tao, and she teamed up with her classmates to bully Mi Tao in isolation, and Mi Tao's response is worth learning from the children.
Mi Tao tells her mother that Huanhuan bullied her.
Mi Tao's mother said:
"Aren't you good friends? how can she bully you, you're older than her, let her be a little bit. ”
Rice peaches:
"It's Huanhuan's mistake, why should I let it, if she continues to bully me like this, other classmates will be influenced by her and think that I am a bully, and they will come to bully me. ”
At this time, Mi Tao's father added fuel to the fire:
"If you usually have a good relationship with everyone, will people bully you? Why don't they bully others?
Mi Tao broke down and cried when she heard her parents' words, but she didn't compromise.
At school, she firmly said to Huanhuan:
"You're bullying me. ”
The two of them quarreled and pushed over this, but they happened to be seen by Grandma Huanhuan, so they had a reasonable deal with it.
That's how bullying in schools started.
Jealous, good at studying, ugly, pretty, tall, short, fat and thin...... can be grounds for bullying.
And these are treated as "small things" by teachers and parents, which fuels the arrogance of the bully, who is bullied by one person at first, and finally develops into a group bullying of one person.
As stated in The Rabble:
"Once they start to form a group, they will act recklessly, there is no lower limit to their viciousness, and the degree of evil done by the group is determined by the lowest point of their members. ”
The bullies are emboldened because too many people are silent and forbearing.
In the face of bullying and bullying, not opposing is encouragement, and not stopping is conniving.
"Fight back" is the next policy
I've seen such a video:
Two young boys fight, one of the boys is beaten and cried.
Seeing this, the boy's father said sharply:
"Fight back, if you don't fight, I'll beat you. ”
The little boy cried and walked back slowly, but he still didn't dare to make a big move, just pushed the other party, but the other party fought back again and again, and the little boy covered his face and dodged.
cried again and walked towards his father, but was driven by his father again, and was "beaten" by the other party again.
There is such a message in the comment area of the video:
"When I was a child, my dad encouraged me to fight back, and I did a lot of bullying things because of my height and fatness, and my dad was quite happy when my nickname was all over the street.
It wasn't until one day, when I was beaten up by my sister and brother on the street next door, that I realized that fighting would not solve the problem. ”
When parents hear that their children are being bullied, most parents will tell their children:
Hit back.
It is human nature for parents to feel sorry for their children, and it is understandable that they act in a hurry.
But after the fight is back, the matter may not be over.
Psychologist Sigmund Freud said:
"People are born with aggressive behavior. ”
The survey also showed that:
More than 90% of children have a tendency to fight.
At this time, if parents encourage their children to use violence, it will encourage their aggression.
Under violence, there are no winners.
No matter if the child wins or loses, the result is only harm.
If you lose, it will hurt the child a second time, and the child will be more timid, cowardly, inferior, submissive, and pleasing others.
What's worse is that once we encounter a very strong opponent, or a bad child with no bottom line, our child will only be beaten even worse.
If you win, the seeds of violence will be planted in the child's heart, and the child will feel that "fighting" can solve all problems.
Moreover, there is a price to be paid for "fighting".
I once saw a father say this to his child:
"The moment you choose to fight back bravely, your parents are ready to go bankrupt and compensate you. ”
But what if it's not the money that is lost, but the child's life?
Some time ago, a reply letter from the procuratorate pushed Chen Sihan to the hot search again, he was the "impulsive teenager" who killed the school bully 9 years ago.
For stabbing the bully to death, Chen Sihan was sentenced to 8 years in prison.
Due to his good behavior, Chen Sihan was released on parole two years early.
After being released from prison, Chen Sihan faced the camera, with a bitter smile, he said:
"I am a person without youth. ”
From Chen Sihan, we can see the courage of a teenager to resist school violence, but this is in exchange for the most beautiful youth, and it is not worth it.
Fighting back may solve the immediate problem, but it also lays a mine for the future.
Wise parents know how to "green tea-style education"
Photography blogger Lu Dawson, because he couldn't get out of the bullying when he was a child, he finally chose to commit suicide when he grew up.
He said:
"My heart can't be repaired anymore, and I don't want to go numb and pretend I'm okay anymore. ”
Bullying is irreversible in its physical and mental damage, it haunts children like a nightmare and cannot be cured for a lifetime.
There are many people on the Internet who give "anti-hegemony" tips, and there is no shortage of humanized methods in some textbooks, but "far water can't quench the thirst of the near".
Friends said that for some evil children, we should use the "green tea method" to educate them, control evil with skill, and stop losses in time.
1. Cooperate with the classmates who bully you to "act"
For some "bad" children, it is useless to talk to them about quality, and there must be some means to deal with them.
For example, if someone deliberately steps on your shoes, cooperate with them, and when you fall to the ground, don't get up immediately, cry and moan, so that the teacher and classmates will feel that you have fallen badly and attract the teacher's attention.
Also, tell the other person out loud:
"If you deliberately step on me again, I will tell my parents and call the police. ”
A child who does bad things is always weak-hearted, give him some power, and he will be afraid of three points;
Blindly forbearance, he will become even worse.
Parents must tell their children that they can't endure evil, let alone carry it, and they must win with wisdom.
2. Ask for help from the person closest to you by name
When a child is bullied, do not "cast a wide net" for help, but look at the person who is closest to him, is in good health, and has the best chance of helping him, and asks him for help by name.
For example, if someone stabs you with a compass, you shout loudly to the squad leader to save me.
In psychology, there is a "bystander effect", which means that when a single individual is asked to complete a task alone, his sense of responsibility increases and he responds positively.
In times of crisis, learn to borrow external forces to save yourself.
Not holding back yourself and keeping bystanders silent is the best way to fight back against bullies.
3. Leverage from the network
Keaton, a young American boy who didn't want to put up with the bullying of his classmates, posted his experience on the Internet, shocking countless netizens and many celebrities speaking out for her.
He said:
"They laughed at my nose, called me ugly, and laughed at me for having no friends;
At lunch, throw ham and bread at me. ”
At the end of the video, Keaton says:
"I want to tell those who are being bullied that it's not your fault to be different, and if you're being ridiculed, don't let these voices affect you, you have to stay strong. ”
Yes, there is nothing wrong with those who are bullied, and we must be brave enough to stand up and speak up for ourselves.
When bullies are condemned by public opinion and angry arrows are fired at themselves, they will be afraid and will restrain their evil deeds.
▼
We always think that school is a pure land, the safest place, and there is only one thing for children to go to school.
In fact, the school is a small society, when the child steps into the school gate, he has to face all kinds of problems and bear all kinds of pressure:
Study pressure, classmate relationship, teacher-student relationship, all kinds of competition.
As parents, although we can't protect them all their lives, we can teach our children to deal with various problems in a wise way and be the backing for them.
When children encounter difficulties and think of their parents, their hearts are full of warmth and strength, and they have the courage to overcome difficulties, so as to gain the true joy and freedom of life!
May every child be able to take root in the depths and thrive towards the sun.
作者 | 诗漫·轮回，万事轮回，生生不息，一手育儿，一手育己。
插图 | 诗漫·绘画爱好者投稿