Sugar pills, have you ever had such an experience? When you see the daily life shared by others when you are browsing the circle of friends, or hear the experiences of others when chatting, you feel that others are so good, if you are definitely unable to do it or you can't do it well. Obviously, he didn't believe that he had not yet tried, so he started to "retreat from the drum" and gradually became a "national first-class retreat drum master". Even if you do a good job, you don't feel that it's your own credit, and you still don't feel confident that you should give it to luck or others. As the person we have been with the most often, we often don't trust ourselves, which may be due to not knowing ourselves well enough.
1. What is self-confidence?
As the name suggests, self-confidence is "self" plus "confidence", that is, confidence in oneself and one's own abilities, etc. Before you have confidence, you should naturally understand yourself and your abilities, and have a clear understanding of yourself.
Chen Guo, a professor at Fudan University, also said that the source of true self-confidence is oneself, and it is oneself that believes in oneself. Even if we are not good or bad in the eyes of the outside world, we know ourselves and know how much we weigh. Even if it is very low, we can still clearly know that our weight has not changed, there are still very shining places, and there are still enough advantages.
Feedback on work, comments from others, past achievements...... In many cases, it affects our self-confidence and makes us doubt ourselves. In the face of criticism from leaders or complaints from family members, if a person knows himself very well, he may be able to firmly believe that "now the other party is saying angry words, and I am not as bad as I said", instead of falling into the self-blame of "am I not doing enough".
SOURCE: PEXELS
2. See beyond the black dots
Try to imagine that there is a large white paper with a black dot in front of you, what do you see? Many people may blurt out that what they see is a black dot and ignore the large blank space on the white paper. Don't you see it? I don't think so. A black spot is like a pimple that sometimes pops up on the face, and it can grab our attention and make us "blind" to other clean areas.
In the huge paper of life, we may also be accustomed to focusing our attention on black spots, so that we over-magnify a certain part, such as our own shortcomings, frustrations, or difficult problems. Actually, it's just a small black dot. We are made up of many different aspects, there are some shortcomings or mistakes, but more of them are beautiful, energetic, rich and multi-dimensional, when we see the black dots and also notice the blanks, we have the opportunity to see the whole self and feel confident.
3. Magical metacognition
What is metacognition? Metacognition is the cognition of cognition. We can think of it as the ability to make an accurate evaluation of how well you are performing. Studies have found that people's metacognitive ability, compared with general cognitive ability, often affects people's work and academic performance. This is because, if there is no way to objectively recognize the strengths and weaknesses of one's own abilities, one will often draw a wrong evaluation of oneself, or produce "lost self-confidence", or produce a "retreat" mentality, which will lead to wrong choices. For example, if we think we should be "perfect", we are likely to hit a wall again and again in reality, and it will be difficult to have a confident experience for a long time. Therefore, we should fully understand our own strengths and limitations, which will help us better develop our strengths and avoid weaknesses and make appropriate decisions in the face of practical difficulties, and can also help us to objectively recognize problems and avoid bad results that will hit our confidence.
1. Forgive yourself for your failures
We are all well aware of the fact that "no one is perfect". There is also an important fact - "don't cry over spilled milk", which does not help. So, it's inevitable that things don't go as well as we expected. In such a situation, it is useless to blame oneself harshly. If you always blame yourself endlessly, you will not only become unconfident, but you may also fall into a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and self-abandonment. We might as well learn from children: when they learn to walk, they sometimes fall. But they neither gave up learning to walk and continued to crawl, nor did they blame themselves for falling. They will rest for a while, pat the dust off their bodies, and then move on to the next exercise.
SOURCE: PEXELS
2. You "don't equal" your mistakes
There may be a typo in an article, but that doesn't detract from its value. We will inevitably have some weaknesses or mistakes, so don't hate yourself for being imperfect. If we recognize that these negative factors belong to us and are "not equal" to us, our mindset may be more stable. Many people are reluctant to understand their own shortcomings because they insist on "equating" their mistakes with themselves. We must understand, admit our mistakes, and then tolerate our imperfections. At the same time, we must know that we do not destroy or become worthless because we make a mistake. You are "not equal" to your mistakes.
3. Get to know yourself holistically
We can see ourselves from different perspectives. In terms of the content of the self, the self can be divided into physiological, psychological, and social. The biological self refers to the awareness of one's own physiological attributes, such as height, weight, and appearance. The psychological self refers to the awareness of one's own abilities, temperament, personality, and other psychological attributes. The social self refers to the recognition of one's own social attributes, such as roles, status, and rights in various social relationships. There is also a division of the ideal self, the actual self, and the self of others. The ideal self refers to what kind of person you want to become, what kind of characteristics and qualities you have, and your understanding of the future or imaginary self. The actual self is the characteristics and qualities that you think you actually have now. The other ego refers to what others think they are. The different aspects come together to make up the whole of who we are. When we comprehensively understand our physiological attributes, personality traits, social personality, ideal expectations, and the perceptions of ourselves and others, we will form a more comprehensive and objective metacognition.
4. Self-affirmative statements
Some scholars have suggested that frequent repetition of self-affirming words can empower people, especially those in difficult situations. A self-affirming statement can be a sentence that describes your strengths, such as "I'm improving every day." It could also be a sentence that points out your shortcomings but still has strengths, such as "I am still a good person despite my mistakes in the past." It can also be a sentence that accepts one's limitations, such as "I accept myself as I am." Or some hopeful sentences, such as "I was born to be useful". Such words can make us see our strengths, accept our limitations, and thus be more sure of ourselves and believe in ourselves.
Konosuke Matsushita, the founder of Matsushita Electric, once said, "We don't have to envy the talent of others, nor do we have to lament our own mediocrity; The most important thing is to understand your personality and develop it. "The more we have a comprehensive understanding of ourselves, the more we can accept our own shortcomings, and at the same time, we can see our own personality charm, so that we can become more confident.
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