#WinterLifeCheck-in Season#My girlfriend complained to me, saying that her son was only eight years old, and he learned to bargain with her every day, which made her extremely annoyed. For example, if his girlfriend stipulates that he can only play 20 minutes of mobile games a day, he says he wants to play for 30 minutes, and if he wants him to practice writing 20 new words a day, he bargains and says that he will only write 15.
If he doesn't agree, the child will find all kinds of ways to fight to the death, and he will not give up until he reaches his goal. Sometimes, girlfriends will compromise in order to settle things. But I am always secretly worried in my heart, afraid that I will indulge the child too much and make the child more advanced.
My best friend said that the older the child is, the more difficult it is to discipline, or when he is a child, he listens to everything he says, and he is very well-behaved.
In fact, when the child reaches a certain age and has a sense of autonomy, he may learn to bargain with his parents. However, behind the bargaining, in addition to the awakening of the child's consciousness, there is also an important point, the child wants to have a sense of control.
For example, if a child wants to eat candy, and the mother says that it will only give three, the child says, "No, I want to eat five." "When the child has a successful bargain and gets five pieces of candy, the child will be very happy.
In fact, behind this happiness, it is not just because of eating three more candies, but more importantly, the child has a sense of accomplishment and feels that he can gain a sense of control from adults.
As the child grows older, he gradually moves from being in control of himself, to being in control of external objects, to trying to control others. It's a process of a child's growth.
However, some parents will worry that if their children are always bargaining with us, and we are always compromising, will we be too indulgent to our children?
Of course, if parents always compromise their children's bargaining unconditionally, it is undoubtedly detrimental to their children's growth. But if you do it another way, you can turn your child's bargaining into a way that is conducive to his development.
In this regard, there is a father's practice that can be learned.
When a child wanted to buy an expensive phone watch, his mother disagreed, saying, "Why did you start to have vanity when you were such a young child? ”
The child was very unhappy when he heard this, and deliberately went against his mother for several days, telling him to sleep, but he didn't. Tell him to do his homework and he goes to watch TV.
Later, his father said to him, "If you want to buy such an expensive phone watch, I suggest you do a survey first, ask the classmates what brand they use, what the price is, and when you finish the investigation, we will discuss it again?"
The kid followed his father's advice and really started to do some research in the class. When the results of the investigation came out, he took the initiative to walk next to his mother and said to his mother: "Mom, you think about it again, we can choose together." ”
When the mother saw her son's detailed investigation report, she couldn't help but extend her thumbs up and express her appreciation for her son.
In the end, they chose another phone watch with a relatively high cost performance. The child is willing to give up, but through research, he has deepened his understanding of phone watches, so he is no longer stubborn about buying the most expensive one.
A problem was solved perfectly.
When we encounter a child bargaining, sometimes, we can also learn from this father's practice, guide the child to investigate and learn on his own, and finally learn to solve the problem.
At the same time, the child will bargain, indicating that the child has his own opinion on the matter and has the courage to express it. In this regard, bargaining reflects the child's ability to collaborate with others and actively communicate, and this ability is the most important ability in elite education.
When your child's voice is recognized, his self-confidence and self-esteem will gradually build. The most important thing is that when a child is confronted with his own needs and dares to bargain, rather than being submissive, it means that the child has learned to use his or her right – the right to speak. Regardless of whether others will accept it in the end, at least they have the right to speak out, and this perception will have a great impact on the child's future.
Therefore, when children bargain with us, in addition to some principled issues that affect physical health, parents should actually encourage their children's behavior, and even sometimes make appropriate concessions, so that children can gain a sense of control, which can promote children to better manage themselves.
Feng Jicai once said, "The wind can blow a piece of paper, but it can't blow away a butterfly." Because the power of life lies in disobedience. "May we all give our children that kind of strength.