People often say that marriage cannot be settled, and that being a human being requires a life of one's own, and this is indeed true. But the reality of the current society can't let us go on willfully, the former goddess said that she would not give in, and she was in her thirties in a flash, and it was false to say that she did not regret it at all, and the reasons for the formation of older leftover women have their own merits, many of which are very good in terms of appearance. Many single girls have a good image, a decent family background, often have a good education, a good job, and even have good talents.
It stands to reason that they should not be single. Older leftover women generally have good conditions and bad conditions. Men can't afford to marry those with good conditions, and most of them are picky if they don't. The only difference between boys and girls is that boys with good conditions are more sought-after, while girls with particularly superior conditions are usually more likely to be single. This is a social anomaly, to be honest, the girl has waited until she reaches 30+, and it is obvious that countless men have pursued her.
But the fact that she can continue to remain single only shows that she is extremely picky, or that her own conditions are particularly superior, which discourages all the men who chase her. In the final analysis, those reasons come down to mentality.
The conditions for marriage are generally higher, and some can even be said to be a bit excessive and harsh, such as requiring the man to have a house, a car, a deposit, a tall figure, a good look, a high education, a high salary, or a sky-high bride price, not living with his future parents-in-law, not having children, etc.
Expectations for marriage and family are too high. Not only generally hope that her future husband can be the "prince charming" in her mind, but also pamper herself wholeheartedly, and obey her own command and arrangement.
There is a fear of marriage and family. I'm afraid of living a hard and tiring life, and I don't even have the slightest psychological preparation, let alone live a hard life. Afraid of having a child, many people imagine having a child as a very hard and terrible thing, and it is even more frightening. This is especially true for women who believe that they have missed the best period of childbearing and will become advanced maternal age.
For many older leftover women, they feel very good about themselves, and most of them think that their conditions are very superior, with body and appearance, good looks and beauty, education and salary, cars and even houses. Therefore, the conditions for the man are naturally quite demanding. In the end, he insisted that he would rather not marry than "marry" and make do.
Even if some older leftover women have average conditions, the economic income of families and individuals is not high, and the appearance and talent are also mediocre and ordinary, but they are still "this mountain looks at that mountain high", year after year, picking and choosing, always trying to find a handsome guy who is both rich and tall, and the result can only be "leftover".
Among the older leftover women, there are many people who have no empathy, cannot empathize, and cannot compare their hearts with their hearts. To put it bluntly, we can only share wealth and prosperity, not weal and tribulation, and I just want to find a rich and wealthy family, and I can get it without work in this life. And there are very few people who really want to find someone who truly loves themselves, only for character love, and not for money and property.
It is gratifying that some older leftover women pay more attention to personal independence and career development. They pursue their career goals, work hard, and are unwilling to limit their lives to marriage and family. They believe that through their own efforts and talents, they can succeed in their careers and realize their values and dreams. They enjoy the sense of accomplishment and autonomy that comes with their work, and pursue breakthroughs and development in their careers.
They have a more rational and mature attitude towards marriage and family. No longer regard marriage as the only destination in life, nor will you blindly marry because of social pressure. They pay more attention to the quality of their marriage than to the form of marriage, and want to be able to build a partnership with someone who is truly suitable for equality, respect, understanding and support. They seek a true love and happiness, not marriage for the sake of getting married.
In addition, they are also paying more attention to personal freedom and quality of life. They enjoy the freedom to travel alone, pursue hobbies, and get together with friends, and don't want to lose their way of life because of marriage. They seek a balanced and diverse life where they can have their own space and time, while sharing each other's lives and achievements with their partners. They believe that a healthy, stable and fulfilling marriage can only be established on the basis of personal freedom and happiness.
Of course, they also face some challenges and confusions. There is still a certain amount of prejudice and pressure on women about their age and marital problems, and they may be questioned and criticized by family, friends and even society. However, they believe in their choices and worth, bravely face these challenges, and strive to change the shackles of conventional wisdom.
There are several common situations for older leftover women:
Chapter 1
When she was 18 to 28 years old, her good youth was this short decade, in these ten years, there were countless boys who showed her goodwill, these boys paid for her regardless of the cost and consequences, and she unscrupulously accepted these boys' kindness to her without any response. Slowly she began to float, she felt that she was not short of boys, and she would definitely not be short of boys in the future.
So, she began to maintain close contact with several of them of the opposite sex, she rode a donkey to find a horse, and during this time she tried to have formal relationships with some of the boys, but in the end they all ended in a breakup. As long as the breakup is the fault of the other party, she hurriedly defended: if this boy really loves me, no matter what I look like, he will not leave me, if he leaves, it can only prove that he is not my fate.
She then began to tell her friends about her efforts and hurt in the relationship. But in this relationship, she didn't invite a single meal, and she didn't give even a small gift. She forgot that the other party was shushing her, asking for warmth, being considerate and caring, transferring money and giving gifts, and inviting guests to dinner, but she said what this boy had paid? Isn't this what she should have done? If he doesn't do all this, then why is he chasing me?
She smokes, drinks, jumps, fishes, and gets tattoos, but she still says to the world: I'm a good girl, if you contradict her, it's that you can't do it. One day she was tired, she felt that she had had enough, she wanted to find someone to soothe her wounded and tired heart, and at this moment she began to formulate her own criteria for choosing a mate: she must have a house and a car, a harmonious family, an annual income of one million, and be willing to pay for her, if these requirements cannot be met, then she would rather be single with high quality than with low quality love.
Before she is 30 years old, there are still people who are willing to study with her, and those who meet her conditions will learn from her, so let's try. However, when it came time to get married, they found that this girl had an average family, average job, average education, and was unwilling to do laundry and cook. At this time, the girl straightened her back and said: What's wrong with this? Is it easy for my parents to raise me? I have to give birth to your family in the future, if I can't get this money, then why should I go to your house to be a free nanny? From the beginning to the end, she thought that the other party was not worthy of her.
Now that she is getting older and older, but her criteria for choosing a mate are still high, and at this time she found that now these boys are starting to pick on her more and more, why? Because these boys are scared of girls like her, since there may not be results, then don't even start. Therefore, she hyped up on the Internet, there is no good man in this world, I have to be myself all the time, and I must not listen to your gossip.
She is not happy to spend her money on those who are younger than her, and those who are about the same age as her are richer and look down on her, who doesn't want to find someone younger? She still believes that a boy who loves her enough should pay for her as a matter of course, and tolerate everything about her, even if it is her bad problems. Now that she was getting older, she found that these boys were starting to be a little reluctant to take care of her, and the boys she didn't like at the beginning had begun to look down on her now, why? Because over the years, she had grown in nothing other than her age.
She is still ordinary but pretending to be exquisite, but now she is starting to make a loud noise on the Internet: Who said that I have to get married? If this person can't meet all my needs, I've been holding on for so many years, why should I compromise?
Second
She is a civil servant of a provincial government. She said: I really didn't feel anything before, when I was in college, my high school classmates got married, and when I looked at it, I told myself that it was nothing, after all, she didn't go to college;
When I first started working, my college classmates got married, telling myself that it was nothing, and I would slowly find a partner when I stabilized; now after working for four or five years, my graduate students are all pregnant, and the women who used to be roommates who vowed to marry later are also pregnant and have children one after another.
It's not that I haven't been impressed. The endless crush when I was young was finally defeated by reality. Later, I went on various blind dates, and I also found someone to make do with and tried to fall in love, but in the end, I still couldn't just end my life like this. After nearly 30 years of singleness, I will remember that I didn't understand love when I was young, I didn't know how to grasp it, and I would sigh in the dead of night.
I participated in the wedding of my first love last year, and although I blessed him, I still couldn't hold the steering wheel in tears when I drove home from the end. I just saw the latest news of a boy who had a crush, and even taking a walk is a variety of show wives and babys, although it is just a smile, but how much, I will still sigh softly in my heart. But my experience is that it's better to be alone than to treat marriage as a promise. Because that kind of imminent experience is so painful.
She is a project manager, 36 years old, unmarried, and average-looking, but she has a good temper and personality, and she treats people very well. Because my company and her company often have business dealings, I know her and her colleagues very well, so we often get together in our spare time to gossip, including getting married and having children.
Whenever this happens, several of her female colleagues will ask her: "Why did you go in the early years? Get yourself to this point (older leftover women)", "Don't be too picky", "It's a problem for women to have children when they are old"...... Questions like these seem a bit aggressive to me. But she answered one by one, saying that when she was young, she became an older single young man alone, but at present, she is not in a hurry, it is useless to be anxious, love and marriage are natural, it is good if there is, it is good not to have a person, as for having children, modern medical technology is developed, and you can give birth at the age of fifty.
At first, I was amazed at her good attitude, but one day after that, she suddenly came to her and said that she had an appointment to go on a blind date in the evening, and the object was an overseas Chinese who was doing business in Malaysia, and her economic situation was good, but it was a second marriage, and asked me if a man like me would like to meet him! Of course, I suggested that she go and meet them, but when she came back, she was very angry and scolded the man for looking down on people, and for having a few stinky money, thinking that everyone was coveting his money, so she was very wary of the conversation.
After complaining, she turned into sorrow, saying that she was very worried that she was old, she was already an advanced maternal age, and if she was not married, she was afraid that she would not be able to give birth in the future or it would be difficult to give birth, and she was even worried about giving birth to a deformed child...... I was surprised, it turned out that she was not as calm as she appeared, she would still be anxious, afraid that she would not find her other half in the end, afraid of the limitations of age on childbirth, afraid of being lonely and old!
Chapter 3
She said: "It's really important to be a good match. You see Jiang Ziya is a famous person in the world, even if he is very poor, I don't think he is bad, on the contrary, I think he is very good, I really don't deserve such a person. So no matter how many books I read, I can't find a boy who is worse than myself in every way. If I can't find it, I will live for one day with such persistence and one day of hope, and I will not live with one belief? After writing this paragraph, my paranoia will be repeated again, but if I were not paranoid, I would be a peasant woman who farms at home now; if I were not paranoid, my achievements today would not have fallen from the sky! Sorry, there is no malice in these words, but they are just a little manifestation of my values.
She said: I don't want to take chances. I don't want any boy who has thoughts about me, no matter what his qualities are, married or unmarried, as long as a boy has ideas about himself, is it called an opportunity? I don't think so, if this is called yes, I tell you, from junior high school to the present, it should be a monthly or accurate daily opportunity! But I understand that the opportunity is that the boy I like, or the person I like each other, this opportunity has never happened until now. My peers, I've been inseparable all these years, and I've never talked about it again, but the rotten peach blossoms are constant, and I'm hiding.
She said: Always stick to your own pursuits. My parents urged me to get married, but I think this should be understood. Parents' wish is to make their children happy, if I am in a hurry because of my age for the sake of my parents' expectations to find someone I don't like to marry, it will be a big violation of the original intention, this is called real unfilial piety. My current life is not perfect, but God has created people with their own mission, not everyone has a sweet love and a smooth career, most people are living in dire straits, and the road has its own ups and downs, what I can do is to stick to my own pursuit and try to live every day happily.
She said: He drifted away. Just as I slowly discovered his goodness, as I tried to accept and explain his shortcomings, I found that he drifted away. Well, people can only listen to the will of God after they say they have done their best. But I still don't want to force it today, I still choose to quit. Who says I don't feel sad every time I reject someone? Just as I was slowly healing, I found that the person I rejected at that time had already returned with a beautiful woman. I only laughed and blessed, and then I never regretted or regretted. Behind every insistence must be a feeling of inappropriateness. I just hope not to live up to God's good intentions, please forgive me, I only choose to stick to my boys.
Fourth
She was just thirty, and her appearance was better, and she could not see the difference between her and the little girl in her early twenties, but she was still very anxious, and she said:
The social circle is shrinking day by day, and after the original good friends gradually fall in love and get married, there are fewer and fewer people who can play together, and those who can play together generally have the same anxiety about age. There will always be a schedule, let's say you fall in love this year, prepare to get married in a year and do all sorts of things, get pregnant in one year, and have children in a year. This timeline is extended for another year with each passing year, and the more anxious it is to count again.
The love partner is anxious, not only worried that others will dislike his age, but also feels that there must be something wrong with his blind date who can't get a wife at this age. The more people who know each other in society, the more difficult it is to know the roots, and it is easy to mismatch the three views in all aspects. The more the family introduced, the more they felt that the criteria for selecting people in the family were completely different from their own orientation.
Blind date anxiety, usually the people around you feel that everyone is quite normal, a blind date found that all kinds of cows, ghosts, snakes and gods came out, not to mention finding a partner, it is difficult to find a normal person. It is often a blind date that is disgusted to a time, and being nauseated by a person can be sick to the stomach for several days. Occasionally, I met a good one and found that others were in demand, and I had no competitive advantage, so my self-confidence was greatly damaged, and I had to be depressed for several days.
Same-sex anxiety, although I maintain myself very well, but seeing the company's fresh sister year after year, ID card from 95 to 98 to 01, I suddenly realized that the post-00s have graduated. Thinking that he was also a little white who was taken care of everywhere by his predecessors, he was a miscellaneous five in an instant. Girls eighteen are not always there, but eighteen girls are there every year. Thinking about the preference that men have engraved in their DNA for young women, I feel even more anxious. At 30, I can barely look like 22, but at 35, I can't think about it, and my spine is cold when I think about it again.
Fifth
Some older leftover women have a bad temper and are easily emotional. The temper will explode at a moment, and it is a lifelong thing for love to develop in the direction of marriage, so it is very important to get along well, and it is definitely not okay to have a bad temper. Some older leftover women are lazy and don't do anything, except for eating, drinking, and playing. After all, life is two people in the end, there will be children in the future, boys need to work every day, such as housework and other affairs, the two share the least of them, is it possible for boys to marry back a "bodhisattva" to worship?
Some older leftover girls don't understand what type of boys they need, honest people are too peaceful and feel that they are not passionate, and boys who are too good at playing and have means are not suitable for living together, after all, the latter likes a lot of people, and they are fickle and dangerous. But the older leftover girl couldn't see her heart clearly, so she wasted her life. Some older leftover women want everything, greedy, so they pick and choose, always want to find a boy who can control themselves, and want to see each other's conditions, no money looks ugly, handsome and rich you like others too, so pick and choose, you are still alone. Some older leftover women are dragged, but they only look at others but don't look at themselves, they have no looks, and they have no conditions to drag them.
I know that there are some older single young women, especially those in their 30+, except for the staunch celibate, as long as she has the heart of getting married and having children, she will feel anxious about her single status and the delay in finding a suitable partner!
But this kind of anxiety is often quiet, unhurried, and in the eyes of outsiders, it is not in a hurry at all. There are two main reasons for this: one is the need to fight against eventful and overzealous relatives and friends. After all, our society is extremely unfriendly to older men and women, and most of them are "anxious" to advise: Don't pick, but hurry, otherwise you won't be able to find them; second, out of their own consciousness. Although I am anxious, I can't find someone to marry and have children, although I am getting older, I still understand that love is really hard to find, and even think, since I have waited for so long, do you care about waiting a little longer?
Realistically speaking, the pursuit of happiness in life by older leftover women is not only human nature, but also a legitimate emotional and psychological need. However, the ideal is very plump, while the reality is often very skinny. After all, the years are unforgiving, and they are ruthless, time passes quickly year by year, and the innocent and romantic beautiful girl in the past has become an older leftover girl who is no longer young in a blink of an eye.
Of course, there are also many outstanding older leftover women who are no longer limited to the traditional concept of marriage, and they live their wonderful lives with independence, self-confidence and the pursuit of freedom. They pursue career success, the quality of their marriages, and personal happiness, and stick to their values and life choices. We should respect and support them to create a diverse, equal and inclusive society.
Well, say less words, and if you say more, you may have to scold!