All great education is not worth the parents who will accompany them

Author: Slow Heat Hi (Parents Intensive Reading Author)

When I was having dinner with a friend on the weekend, I was talking about children, and she asked me this question: How can a child who has been very well-behaved since childhood grow up and be difficult to discipline?

Her daughter has been a great worry for adults since she was a child, but later because her friend's mother was sick and hospitalized all the year round, she needed to leave the child to take care of her mother in the hospital, and her husband's work required frequent business trips.

In total, the child lived with a friend's sister for 4 or 5 years.

Now that the child is in high school, she obviously feels that there is something wrong with the child's growth, not only is she withdrawn, she does not communicate with her parents, but she feels that no matter what she does, she has to work against her family.

I asked her a question: What did your daughter go through during the days when you and your husband weren't with her? Do you know 50 percent?

If not, then the answer is already obvious, recalling what one writer said:

The shelf life of parents is very short, only 10 years. No matter how hard the parents try after the expiration date, they are not as effective as they were 10 years ago.

The child who has the problem, just the child who lacks companionship

A psychological counselor once said that the lack of parental companionship has a great impact on children, on the one hand, it affects children's growth needs, and on the other hand, it affects children's psychological needs.

There is such a real event in the book "Psychological Upbringing":

In a family in Shandong, not long after his son was born, his father went out to work.

Ten years have passed in the blink of an eye, and my son is no longer in school, and where my father works, my son commits crimes.

In the past 10 years, it has experienced the transformation from a child to a teenager, which is a critical period for the formation of children's personality and the foundation period for the cultivation of behavioral habits.

In the past 10 years, children have to experience a lot of temptations, and they will also face the same problems as a mountain for them, the father is not by the child's side, so naturally it is not good to do the guidance and education that should be done, and it is difficult to rely on the growth of the child alone.

When his father was working in Jiangsu, his 12-year-old son committed a crime for the first time. Because the child was too young, the police couldn't deal with it, so the father took the child home to educate.

However, after the father persuaded the child to study hard, he went out to work again. When his father was working in Shanghai, his son committed a crime for the second time and was arrested at the Shanghai Railway Station.

The police called the dad again. When the father walked into the police station, the son told the police how many times he had done the crime, how much money he had stolen, and asked the police to sentence him.

The author explains the case as follows:

He was provoking his father. He keeps getting into trouble, just trying to get his father's attention, and to express his dissatisfaction with his father's perennial absence.

Writer Josie Sipp is an orphan who has been fostered since childhood. He has a lot of problems and is very rebellious, often doing things that are a headache and annoying to his adoptive parents.

So I couldn't avoid the fate of being sent away, wandering in one different family after another.

Until he met the last adoptive father and said to him:

You see yourself as a problem, we see you as an opportunity.

With the gentle treatment and companionship of his adoptive father, he began to change and eventually became a writer.

The companionship and respect of parents will make children feel the flow of love, and the child with problems in our eyes is actually just a child who lacks the love and companionship of parents.

A child's self-confidence begins with the attentive companionship of his parents

Many front-line teachers have found that left-behind children are more or less sensitive, timid, and have low self-esteem than other children.

That's because they lack the company of their parents, they are sensitive and suspicious in their hearts, they think that no one likes him, they feel that everything they do is wrong, they become less and less courageous, and they are more introverted and inferior.

My cousin and sister-in-law used to be busy with work for a long time and neglected to accompany their children.

It wasn't until the head teacher reported to them that the child was becoming more and more withdrawn and almost bullied at school, that they found that their son was indeed becoming more and more withdrawn, and even a little indifferent.

When I get home, I go straight to my room, rarely communicate with them, and I rarely make friends at school, and I always walk with my head down and along the corner......

Later, the cousin realized that the problem was, and on weekends, he began to find time to take his son to swim, play badminton, play football, and play Muay Thai......

After a while, the family found that the child began to change: he became more confident in speaking, he became more generous and confident, because he made a lot of friends because of sports, and when his cousin and sister-in-law needed to go on a business trip, he would take the initiative to pack their luggage.

I remembered that I had seen such a video on the Internet before:

This video records the process of a father accompanying his 11-year-old daughter to exercise for more than 200 days, from running and panting at the beginning, to walking like a fly, and in these more than 200 days, the daughter has changed from low self-esteem and laziness to bright laughter.

I can clearly feel that this child has become more confident.

The girl confessed: I have become more confident, I feel that I have surpassed myself.

With my father by my side, I have the backing to help me even if I encounter problems, and it seems that there is a way to solve them.

Dad asked her: Do you think you are strong now?

She replied: I now feel confident in what I do.

Some netizens in the comment area shared their similar experiences:

When I was in junior high school, my dad also ran with me, drinking milk every day and running in the morning, and running in the morning next to the square, which is less than 10 minutes away from home.

Exercise is not only beneficial to a child's physical and mental health, but also helps to develop a child's social awareness, willpower, flexibility, emotional ability, learning ability, sense of control, sense of achievement and self-confidence.

What's more, all this is done in the company of parents, and it also makes the child feel the importance of love and himself.

As psychologist Allison Gopnik has said, "Who you are and how you relate to your children is much more important than what you do to them."

The company of parents will bring children a unique sense of security and happiness, and this sense of security and happiness is the strongest support for them to become confident.

High-quality companionship is better than 100,000 truths

Someone on the Internet asked: Is it more important to choose to go to work to earn money, or is it more important to put down work to accompany your children?

Professor Li Meijin once said in a lecture:

"The child must be brought by himself, and in the case that he is completely unable to be independent, you go and bring him happiness and comfort. When he depends on you, you have the capital to educate him. ”

There are opportunities to work and earn money, but when children are young, the company of their parents cannot be replaced by anyone or anything.

Moreover, parents accompanying their children does not depend on the length of time, but on the need to be attentive, and high-quality companionship is better than 100,000 sentences.

1. Take time out and don't take work home

Documentary filmmaker Ryo Takeuchi once interviewed a mother who was the vice president of a well-known maternal and baby products company and managed 20,000 employees.

In an interview, she said: "Educating children is mainly about taking time, and you have to spend more time with your children than you do at work, so (education) is not so difficult." ”

During the interview, she revealed that if she was on a business trip within a week, she would come back quickly, and if it was something that could be completed in one day, she would take a very early flight in the morning and go home on a late plane in the evening, just so that she could spend time with her children at night.

Try not to work overtime after work and on weekends, and we have given 8 hours of the day to work, so try to leave the limited time for the children.

2. Wholeheartedly and wholeheartedly

Psychologist Adler believes that everyone pursues one thing in their life, the attention of their parents.

The child will be very sensitive, and he can sense whether his parents are really there for him.

In the process of accompanying the child, it is necessary to be child-centered, follow the child, play with the child, rather than guiding and correcting the child what to do.

When communicating with your child, you should always keep an eye on your child and maintain eye contact, which can send a message to your child: I am paying attention to you, and I care about what you are saying, so that your child can feel loved, valued, understood, and supported.

3. Plan some companionship lists

I know a friend whose son likes airplanes very much, although he can't take his children on a plane every weekend, but whenever he has time, he will take his children to the grass near the airport, and the father and son will sit together to watch the planes take off and land.

In fact, we have many things to do with our children, such as:

Read books together, read aloud with children in different roles, and even play a big play to enjoy the fun of reading and spiritual satisfaction together;

Play together, go back to childhood and experience simple joys;

Chatting together can be an emotional whisper between girlfriends;

It can be stimulating brainstorming, joint exploration, deep connection;

You can also go for a walk in the wilderness, watch the sunset together at dusk, and ride a bicycle in the morning light and sunset......

I saw a statistic on the Internet that from the time a child was born to the time he went to college, we only had 940 weekends with our children.

High-quality companionship is to let go of the label, let go of the desire to control, let go of the heart that wants the child to become better, stabilize the current mood, clear and clear;

High-quality companionship is to feel, to see your happiness and sadness, to carry your emotions, to meet your heart;

High-quality companionship is sharing, and it is spending an enriching time together.

May we be able to spend 940 fulfilling weekends with our children during the limited period of becoming parents, and spend quality time with our children together.

作者简介：慢热的喜，富书专栏作者，像蚂蚁一样工作，像蝴蝶一样生活，首先成为更好的自己，一个人‬要想成功，不被阻挠，不被诱惑，这就是屏蔽力，文章：爸妈进化论，本文版权归富书所有，未经授权，不得转载，侵权必究

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