#头条创作挑战赛#
In the blink of an eye, 2024 has arrived.
In recent days, with the announcement of the holiday time of major companies, for many young couples who have just been married.
"Who will you go back to for the New Year?"
It has become a topic that has to be debated again.
Recently, Papi-chan disclosed her and her husband's approach to handling this matter in a variety show.
She and Lao Hu have been in love for 10 years and married for 5 years.
She is from Shanghai, and Lao Hu is from Shaanxi, so it stands to reason that the question of who they should go back to for the Chinese New Year should be very tricky.
But they never bothered about it.
Because unlike other couples, they fell in love with each other until they got married, and until now they have children, their parents have never met.
Every Chinese New Year, she and Lao Hu also go back to their respective homes and accompany their respective parents.
It's not that they don't care about each other, but they feel that it's unnecessary to toss like this.
"For the man's parents, their son is the most important, and for the woman's parents, their daughter is the most important.
Whether the son-in-law should take it home or not, whether the daughter-in-law should go or not is secondary, and the most important thing is to accompany each of their parents. ”
I have to say that Papi-chan's words are simply sober in the world.
I remember that a few days ago, my friend told me about her experience, during which she was hospitalized because she was unwell.
But coincidentally, during that time, her father-in-law also came to Beijing for surgery because he was not feeling well.
It's difficult for friends to deal with, and she hid it from her parents when she was hospitalized, but it was unreasonable not to pick up her in-laws.
In a dilemma, my sister came and volunteered to go for her.
I was picking up people at the high-speed rail station again, and I was accompanying me in the hospital all the way, for fear of neglecting my sister's in-laws.
After this incident, my friend was very grateful to my sister and always expressed her gratitude intentionally or unintentionally.
But my sister only said one sentence:
"Sister, don't take it to heart, as long as they are good to you, I'll be fine if I'm tired. ”
A sentence pierced the heart of a friend.
Yes, in fact, for many families, this is not the case.
After marriage, the man's family treats the daughter-in-law well, just because the daughter-in-law can be more considerate of the son when the parents cannot accompany him.
And the woman's parents are good to their son-in-law, just because when something happens, the son-in-law can let his daughter score three points.
Most of the blood relations in this world are like this.
It's the same when it comes to the blood relationship between parents.
For most children who travel far away from home, taking care of their families is a more important topic than arguing about who to return to for the Chinese New Year.
Of course, at the same time as the rise of each new way of getting along, there will always be two completely different voices on the Internet, and under Papi sauce's concept of marriage, this is also the case:
The first voice said that this is a new type of marriage concept for young people, and it is acceptable.
Someone cited her own example, saying that she and her husband are both outsiders, and the two work in Shanghai, one in Northeast China and the other in Anhui.
The toss between one south and one north will inevitably bring many contradictions in future life.
Although they agreed before they got married, they would go home every year, but whenever the time to buy tickets approached day by day, the two couldn't help but quarrel every year.
As the only child in both families, the words they quarrel about every year are nothing more than those few words:
"I'll go to your house, aren't my parents just lonely old people?"
"Didn't Eleven go to your house, why can't you go to my house during the Chinese New Year?"
Every year.
In the end, under the compromise of one party, I always went home sullenly for the New Year.
Some people say that for most Chinese, the New Year is festive, but for this part of those who have to follow the other half home for the New Year, every inch of joy in the New Year may be soaked in their sadness.
Of course, there will inevitably be compromises in such a run-in process.
My friend @Xiaole told me that after a few years of marriage, they have always been running on both sides with the attitude of treating no one badly.
Every year, there are seven days off, three days are put on the road, and the remaining four days are divided into two days on one side, taking turns.
After walking around the relatives like watching the lights, people are basically tired and scattered.
They tossed like this for three years, and in the fourth year, the child was born, and finally they didn't have to run on both sides, and both of them breathed a sigh of relief.
When relatives asked, they said, "The child is too young to toss, so she has to stay home to take care of the child." ”
The thorny problem has finally been solved for the time being.
If it weren't for the eyes of the people around them, they would have wanted to go back to their respective homes like Papi-chan.
After all, who doesn't want to go back to their home for the Chinese New Year.
At the same time, there is another voice.
Many older people feel that this kind of marriage is impersonal and unacceptable.
The avant-garde is avant-garde, but it is not advocated.
Because not every parent is as enlightened as their parents, and not every couple is as free as they are.
I heard a Jiangxi mother tell that she grew up under the influence of traditional concepts since she was a child.
The son of the family, no matter where he marries his daughter-in-law, must take his daughter-in-law home for the New Year.
Because marriage is not a matter of two people, but of two families.
Their family tradition is that on Chinese New Year's Eve, the whole family gathers.
is an only child in her own family, and getting married means taking on family responsibilities, and if she is not present, she and the child's father will have a very gloomy face.
She felt that thousands of years of tradition were like this, and she did not resent her son to follow her daughter-in-law back to her mother's house on the second day of the new year, but on Chinese New Year's Eve and the first day of the new year, the two had to return to entertain relatives.
There are not a few parents who share her opinion.
It's just that in this era, when there are few children on both sides, it has indeed become a tricky question of who to go back to for the New Year.
Last year, during the Chinese New Year, we received a confiding from readers in the background.
A mother said that she has two daughters, one has been married for five years and went to Xinjiang, and the other has been married for two years.
She thought that when her two children grew up, she would be able to enjoy family fun.
But now, her daughter can't come back, her grandson has to stay at the man's house, and she feels very happy every Chinese New Year's Eve when she can wait for her daughter to make a video call.
Once, before the Chinese New Year, her eldest daughter called her and said that she was going back to her parents' house this year.
But the tickets were all bought and the things were ready, and the child suddenly had a high fever that did not go away.
Although they were anxious, in the face of their children's illness, they still had to postpone the day of returning to their parents' home again and again.
That year, she and her wife were also anxious, thinking about flying over to see their daughter and grandson, but there were still old people on both sides at home, and they really couldn't go if they wanted to go, and they couldn't come back if they wanted to.
Every time I look at the empty house during the Chinese New Year, I sigh why I gave birth to my daughter back then, and I regret marrying my daughter so far away.
From then on, seeing each other was a luxury.
You see what they think—
There is nothing wrong with the child wanting to go back to his home for the New Year.
There is nothing wrong with parents wanting their children to come back for the New Year.
Then how can there be so many contradictions and unevenness in the hearts of so many people when no one is wrong?
The answer is also simple: because of their different positions.
When everyone thinks from their own standpoint, contradictions naturally arise.
So, what should you do when you really face this matter?
The answer is actually twofold.
The first aspect is the observation before marriage.
As we all know, before getting married, both men and women will visit each other's homes.
In addition to wealth and real estate, there is actually one more important point:
Whether the other party's parents get along harmoniously, whether they are open-minded, and whether they can give you enough space.
This is really, really important, especially for families who are far apart.
Think about it, whether you are a man or a woman, when you want to go back to your home during the Mid-Autumn Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, and Spring Festival, the other party doesn't consider your feelings at all, but only knows to press you with rules and say to you: No, you stay in my house, which is our tradition here.
You don't have to think about it to know how much grievance you should bear after marriage?
The second aspect is the run-in after marriage.
Gender experts have put forward the idea that the essence of contradictions in intimate relationships is a matter of power struggle.
It's you who assert yourself on most issues: He must listen to me.
In this way, contradictions naturally arise.
You must know that there must be differences between each couple, and the reason why there is conflict in marriage is because many people can't accept this difference, and stubbornly thinks: When you have a disagreement with me, it means that you are not right, and you have to listen to me.
As a result, "forbearance" or "quarrel" has become the way most families deal with this difference.
After a long time, various contradictions will inevitably arise.
And what will smart families do?
Blogger @60-year-old Banzai brother said a point:
Everyone's pot has ash at the bottom, and everyone's days are all chicken feathers.
When problems arise, couples with a harmonious relationship will have a person who is particularly good at dealing with problems.
Either the woman is not as knowledgeable as her husband.
Either the man doesn't care about his wife.
Everyone's life will not be too bad, so where will it be different?
The difference is whether you also take into account the other person's feelings when the real problem arises, and whether you can make some compromises for each other.
The biggest pitfall of marriage is trying to get the other person to change for themselves.
The secret to a good marriage lies in the mutual understanding of two people who take the initiative to solve the problem.
Understand this truth, and then look back and forth at the question of whose home to return to the New Year, you will find that although it is still a thorny problem.
But to fix it.
It can't be that the man thinks in his heart: If you don't go back with me, my relatives will laugh at me for not even being able to control my daughter-in-law.
It can't be that the woman thinks in her heart: Why did I leave my parents to live in your house?
Instead, we had to make some "pre-requisite" solutions before this happened.
Take Papi sauce and Lao Hu as examples, many people say that Papi sauce is so unethical, and she takes the bride price but does not fulfill the responsibilities of her daughter-in-law.
But in fact, when Papi-chan and her husband got married, they simply got a license, did not ask for a bride price, did not hold a wedding, and even canceled their honeymoon.
The house they lived in was not bought by the man's family, but was bought by the two of them.
Therefore, it is understandable that they are indifferent to each other's families.
Like a friend of mine, it's the same way.
When buying real estate for marriage, the man who originally said that he would pay 60% and the woman would pay 40%.
But in the last week of the down payment, the man suddenly encountered some problems, and the cash in his hand was less than 100,000, and the girl was very sad and went home to cry to her parents.
Unexpectedly, the woman's parents did not hesitate at all, and immediately sold several wealth management products to make up for the 100,000.
comforted her daughter and said, "We are not afraid of spending more money, we live in our own house, and we will not be unable to raise our heads in the future." ”
As for going home for the Chinese New Year, the woman's parents didn't care about it.
"As long as the children are healthy and safe, we will support them in whatever they decide. ”
So you see, on a large level of married life, it will be two people and two families running in with each other.
Many things can't be solved with the phrase "just get married".
Getting married, in fact, is the beginning of a new way of life, which makes our lives more possibilities, but also makes us face problems that we have never had before.
Only two people think a little more about each other, and the two behind them think a little more about their children.
Instead of forcefully saying "what do you have to do" to suppress and discipline, the family will get along more harmoniously.
At the end of the article, I would like to ask you:
In your family, how do you deal with the problems encountered in the marriage relationship, and who will you go back to for the Chinese New Year this year?
Welcome to write your solution in the comment area, I believe it will help more people who are in marriage problems.
Light up [Attention], I hope that everyone can handle their marriage and family relationships amicably, and can be with one person, hand in hand to grow old.