#头条创作挑战赛#
Research shows that happiness in life is a U-shaped curve.
Happiness is highest in your 20s, when the future is uncertain, and even when difficulties are difficult, you feel that the future is full of hope.
At the age of 30-40, happiness begins to decline, and reaches the lowest point in life around the age of 50, when people reach middle age, facing a series of problems in their career and family, they are gradually unable to do their best and are full of frustration.
After the age of 53, people's happiness will gradually rise again, and at that time they feel that everything is open and Xi.
From this point of view, the trough of middle age is a catastrophe that cannot be avoided, so it is better to lie down directly until the day when you reconcile with yourself.
But someone wants to tell you, no. Because all the lows in life may be new flashpoints.
So don't slack off, you're sure to find a better way to live.
The person who wants to tell you this truth is Zeng Guofan.
In "Zhan Anqing", the author Zhou Tongfeng uses Zeng Guofan's middle-aged ups and downs to tell us:
Everyone's middle age needs a "breakthrough".
This may be a dialogue with the self, or it may be a contest with life.
But in any case, we all need to re-understand ourselves and shape a better quality of life.
When people reach middle age, the most clever way to change their lives is actually these two words: "breakthrough".
Before the age of forty-three, Zeng Guofan could be regarded as a successful person, but after the age of forty-three, Zeng Guofan became nothing.
That year, he co-organized a regimental training in Changsha, first offended Qing De and Bao Qibao, the deputy generals of the Green Battalion, and then offended the entire Hunan officialdom.
Soon after, the emperor's order, who was able to perform things, was almost killed by the troublesome green battalion soldiers, and his colleagues stood by to watch his jokes, and he had no choice but to go away and find another way out.
You may ask, as an excellent physicist, wouldn't Zeng Guofan reflect on his own way of dealing with the world?
In fact, it's not that he didn't reflect, but the result of reflection is often someone else's fault.
The writer He Caitou once said that it is rare to have a set of one's own cognition of the world in life, but once it has it, it is too dependent and loses its flexibility and openness.
This is the case of Zeng Guofan, who is over forty years old, has been influenced by Zhu Cheng's science for many years, and only feels that he has heavenly principles in his hands, and others should "submit themselves to me".
Usually he behaves superior, but after hitting a wall, he uses the set of "gentleman and villain" to reflect, which not only fails to understand the essentials, but deepens his prejudice against his colleagues and his attachment to himself.
He Caitou said that the rigidity and self-use brought about by this kind of mental closure can be regarded as a mental illness that is easy to be infected on the road of life.
Even those as knowledgeable as Zeng Guofan were not spared.
Therefore, for reflection to be effective, it is important to have a relaxed mindset.
When people are in their twenties and thirties, they are the most open-minded, and no matter what point of view they face, they can listen and accept it with an inclusive attitude.
As I get older, I am trapped by my own experience, and I lose the patience to accept and become more judgmental.
"He's not right, he's not at the right level. ”
"You don't understand, you have to listen to me. ”
Maybe your experience is just a "big road" that can be seen everywhere in the eyes of others, and maybe every time you interrupt the majestic mountains and rivers, it is a reason for others to hate and alienate you.
In this regard, we should learn more from the great writer Su Dongpo, who is willing to make friends with characters of different genres and different classes, and he is also willing to try new things.
It is precisely because of such a young mentality that he can make friends everywhere he goes and get into the mix.
When people reach middle age, the most important thing is to maintain an open and resilient heart.
Always remind yourself that maybe I am wrong, and then use joy to change, to be compatible, to find more possibilities.
As soon as the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom stopped for a while, the forty-six-year-old Zeng Guofan was driven back to his hometown by Emperor Xianfeng.
After three years of going out of Hunan and fighting endlessly, what he got was the suspicion of his boss and the slander of his colleagues, Zeng Guofan really wanted to die.
At first, he vented his frustration to his heart's content, wrote letters to scold his colleagues, quarreled with the children in his family, and sat quietly in front of his old house when he had enough of scolding.
During this time, he stayed away from right and wrong, and re-studied "Lao Zhuang", so that he could look at this career as an outsider.
In the past, he felt that Luo Bingzhang, the governor of Hunan, was incompetent, but Luo Bingzhang not only increased Hunan's financial revenue by three or four times, but also trained 40,000 or 50,000 elite soldiers to support various places.
He complained about the constraints of his colleagues, but after he left, the remaining Hunan army commanders were like fish in water and were not excluded.
It can be seen that it is not that others are useless, but that they are proud and conceited.
Once he has this consciousness, he will always find his own shortcomings in the future, compliment those with high and good reputations, appease those who retreat and are trivial, and vigorously support those who are capable, not only fully supporting the student Li Hongzhang to form the Huai Army, but also giving the main credit of "Zhan Anqing" to his subordinate Hu Linyi.
There is a question on Zhihu with more than 1 million views:
#为什么人到30岁, I gradually found that the people around me are better than me, they have their own strengths, but I myself live like a stupid white sweet? #
The answer with the highest number of likes was:
You can find that the people around you are better than you, which means that you can easily see the good in others, which is conducive to learning from others Xi
At the same time, please also see your own strengths, even if it is a self-evaluation of "silly white sweet", in my opinion, it is more appropriate to replace it with "pure mind".
When people reach middle age, they should learn to be objective when dealing with themselves and others.
Don't be presumptuous, and don't hold on to other people's shortcomings.
After all, their own abilities are limited, after all, everyone has advantages.
Therefore, the best way to reduce resistance is to "frustrate its sharpness, resolve its conflicts, and its light, and share its dust" and integrate yourself into it.
Before Zeng Guofan realized nirvana and became round, he had to deal with strong enemies externally and the constraints of his colleagues internally, and his heart was often in a mess.
The reason why he was able to stumble and survive, there was no half-way "picking", in addition to the boss Xianfeng being more powerful, but also thanks to his mentality of "not being mixed in the present, not welcoming in the future, and not in love in the past".
After being besieged by the officers of the Green Battalion, he knew that he could not stay in Changsha, but the matter of cultivating the Hunan army could not be stopped for a moment.
Therefore, he actively looked for a way to break the situation, and finally decided to continue training in remote Hengzhou, and his former comrades-in-arms and subordinates accused him of being stubborn and unwilling to go with him.
If he is a forward-looking person, he will be discouraged at the thought of how difficult it is to open the situation alone.
But once Zeng Guofan decided to do something, he would make a plan, follow the steps, and brutally keep the distractions out, so he could quickly start anew and start over.
There is a classic line in Kung Fu Panda, "Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift from God, so cherish today as if it were a gift." ”
We all know the importance of the moment, so why can't we take action for a long time?
Because the internal friction is too great, I think too much.
Douban user @bulk Gelitin found a rule, the biggest difference between lazy and diligent people is the way of thinking.
For example, washing clothes, lazy people will feel that there are many steps, first put the clothes in, then put the laundry detergent, and then press the start button of the washing machine, and then dry, which is very troublesome.
But diligent people will find it very convenient, throw the clothes in the washing machine, and dry them again.
In short, diligent people think that many things can be done easily, and the common thought is, "That's it, let's get it done." ”
The common thought of lazy people is, "It's too troublesome, too time-consuming, let's do it later." ”
Many times we are frightened by imaginary difficulties, and at this time, we should think about the steps as @Bulk Gillidin said, and tell ourselves that this step is not so difficult.
Some people say that in this day and age, "energy management" is just as important as "time management".
You have to be able to sit still, keep up, and not be afraid of being distracted.
You also have to keep moving forward.
This is kung fu, you have to practice.
Zeng Guofan once said that when the situation is not in his favor, a person who is good at playing chess not only wants to survive, but also thinks about how to break the game and turn defeat into victory.
In 1861, the pinnacle duel between Zeng Guofan and his fierce rival Chen Yucheng began in Anqing, which was a battle that could not be lost for both sides.
At this time, the British and French troops captured Tianjin, and Beijing was in a hurry. Emperor Xianfeng urgently transferred Bao Chao, a famous general of the Hunan army, to the north to King Qin.
If the Zeng State Domain ordered Bao Chao to leave at this time, the Hunan army would definitely lose this battle.
After some ideological struggle, Zeng Guofan finally chose to go north to King Qin, but he also asked himself and Hu Linyi to lead the team, and Bao Chao stayed on the battlefield in Anqing.
At this time, he thought that if the defeat was decided, then he would try to lose a little less and leave a chance to turn the tables in the future.
In Zeng Guofan's life, he has suffered a lot of defeats, and he has also sought death and survived a few times.
But his biggest advantage is that he recovers quickly, whether he wins or loses, he always accepts the facts, and begins to actively save himself at this moment.
I followed a topic on Zhihu, #生活不下去了, can you send me a word? #
There was one answer that was very simple, but it touched me very much:
"Ordinary families, currently in debt of millions, houses and cars are mortgaged, riding electric cars to and from work for 4 or 5 hours a day, desperately earning money, paying off debts bit by bit, if you think it is difficult for you, you can look at me. ”
In life, there will always be people who are more difficult than themselves, but they have not given up to save themselves, so why should we give up?
When a person reaches middle age, it is like walking to the lowest point of his life, and Zeng Guofan has also wandered in this position for a long time.
In his experience, the greatest danger here lies not in blows and accidents, but in its slackness.
When you are young, you are demanding of yourself, others give you a good evaluation, you often have a sense of progress, and you are very happy.
When you reach middle age, you will relax, because there are too many problems, and no one has higher expectations for you, so you start to mess around and become middle-aged greasy in the eyes of others.
But as Feng Tang said, people only live once, and there must be some time to praise.
Let go of your mind and don't slack off.
Although his body and energy are not as good as before, he can let go of some prejudices, no longer be easily swayed by the temptations of the outside world, no longer close himself in a small world, grasp his own rhythm, keep moving forward, and bravely expand his horizons.
This is a more hot realm and a better quality of life.