My name is Wang Jun, I am 40 years old, I have three brothers and a younger sister in my family, and I am the eldest. My parents have long been retired at home, and we were both overwhelmed by the tragic death of the new crown infection last year. Mother's seventy, seventy or forty, it stands to reason that the whole family should be reunited together to soothe the feelings of longing. However, after much consideration, I politely declined my younger sibling's request to come to my house for the Chinese New Year.
In fact, there is no deep hatred between me and my second brother, third brother, and younger sister, but over the years, everyone has gone their separate ways, gathering less and leaving more, and the relationship has long been indifferent. I have my own family to take care of, and I can't interfere with their lives. Over the years, most of the problems of my parents' illness and hospitalization have also been borne by me, and I know that the relationship between everyone cannot be repaired by a moment and a half of weakness and grievances.
I remember that before my father was sick, my second brother mentioned to me that they would buy a house together and wanted to leave it for the rest of their lives. I thought about it again and again, but I refused. Because I don't feel at ease about handing over hundreds of thousands of dollars to an unreliable person. Later, housing prices skyrocketed, and I secretly regretted not trying to work with my brother. But I still remember vividly that when my eldest brother asked him, he not only did not help, but ridiculed me for not being capable. Since then, I have lost the last shred of illusion about him.
As for my third brother, he was fond of fighting when he was a child. I remember one year when I got a year-end bonus, my mother asked me to give 500 yuan in red envelopes to each of their siblings. As a result, my brother not only didn't appreciate it, but also counted me for being stingy in front of my relatives. He also said that 500 yuan is not enough to buy a watch. This happened over and over again, and gradually I had no expectations of them.
Speaking of my sister, she is more than ten years younger than me and has been the pearl of the family since she was a child. Whenever her parents had a conflict with our brother, she always stood by her parents. I remember one time, I had a big fight with my mother, and instead of persuading my mother to reconcile with me, she kept saying that I was not in front of my mother, which made my mother angry half to death. I have all these things in my heart.
Some people may say that relatives can't hold grudges against each other, and I shouldn't be so ruthless and unjust. But if you think about it, after more than 10 years of estrangement, you expect to regain warmth by relying on a reunion dinner once a year? This is just formalism. I'd rather have a peaceful year than be pretentious in this fashion. After all, a person's time and energy are limited, and I prefer to spend my time on people who really care about me.
Speaking of myself, business is also sluggish now, and I still have a wife and children to support at home. I really don't have the skills to take care of so many people. I used to be angry with my parents every day, but now that they are gone, I can finally live my own life. Let me fend for myself, and I do not expect any sympathy or understanding.
I know that my decision has made the second and third brothers very unhappy. They felt that I was not considerate enough and did not fulfill my responsibilities as a big brother. Perhaps, I think I'm just tired of so many years of incomprehension and misunderstanding. I'm tired too, I have my own life. Since everyone's feelings are not like before, let time dilute everything. For a lifetime, it is enough to have a few confidants and friends. I don't care what other people think, and I don't swallow my anger for the sake of false superficial harmony.