#头条创作挑战赛#
Before you begin, imagine the following scenario:
When you suddenly couldn't find your phone and asked your husband if he had seen it, he said:
"Don't you have long eyes, won't you look for it yourself?"
When you moved, you accidentally broke your leg, and your parents said:
"If you can't do such a simple job, what else can you do?"
When you ask your child if he has finished his homework, he says:
"Can you write so fast when I have three heads and six arms?"
How do you feel when you hear these words?
Suffocation.
Nameless fire.
A good sentence, just express it normally, and you have to change it to a "rhetorical question" to choke people.
Recently, "how annoying is Xi's inertial rhetorical question" has become a hot topic of a certain sound.
More than 1000W of people are watching, which is enough to show:
The "rhetorical question" hit everyone's heart.
After all, the contempt and impatience of the rhetorical question.
I can always choke back the words that have come to my mouth.
"It doesn't seem like a big deal, it's not necessary. ”
"Digest it yourself? This sulking breath is really not so easy to swallow, I can't promise the mammary glands. ”
This feeling of not being able to swallow and not being able to spit it out.
The most diaphragmatic to the people.
After a long time, it has even become an "invisible explosive" in many couples and parent-child relationships.
Normally, everything is fine.
But as soon as you encounter a little thing, it will blow up all at once.
A netizen once shared, "I almost divorced because of a rhetorical question before."
At that time, she had just come out of confinement, and she was exhausted by taking care of her children every day.
One day, after my husband got off work, he casually "complained":
"I'm so tired from work today. ”
She didn't even think about it, and blurted out:
"Isn't it tiring for me to take care of the kids at home?"
In an instant, the "flames of war" between the two were ignited.
Talking about trivial things, you are noisy with every word.
The "war" lasted for three days and three nights, and even caused the couple to separate.
At the end of the quarrel, my husband bowed his head.
He said to his wife with tears in his eyes:
"I mean I've worked hard, but I haven't denied that you've worked hard, and I don't think I'm the hardest person in my family. ”
"Can you please stop arguing with me. ”
The husband's "humble peace" made netizens soft-hearted.
Afterwards, she reflected on herself:
"Before, I didn't realize that subconsciously asking rhetorical questions would cause so much emotional damage. ”
Whether it's her husband or herself, "hard work" is a fact.
But once it is said with a rhetorical question, there is a hidden layer of comparison and belittling "off-strings":
"I'm working harder than you, and you don't deserve to complain".
Who can be comfortable hearing this?
Husbands and wives are teammates in the same boat, not rivals.
Sometimes it is understandable to "complain" a few words because of work and life.
It's just because of these heartfelt words, I can't talk to others, I can only talk to my lover.
It's not a big deal, just answer it, coax it, and hug it.
But the "subconscious rhetorical question" is just like an amplifier.
not only amplified the original negative emotions of the partner, but even triggered his own grievances and complaints.
Small things make big things, and the gains outweigh the losses!
If the above example is still an "unintentional mistake", then the following story is really a rhetorical question to "malicious harm".
I once saw a Ms. Liu's sharing:
I and my husband have entered middle age, and their passion has faded.
I can't speak five sentences a day.
Sometimes, in order to liven up the atmosphere, she has nothing to say:
"Husband, what are you looking at?"
Who knew that my husband didn't react at all.
Ask a few more questions, and it will provoke a sudden outburst:
"Are you blind?
In an instant, a chill spread from the hair to the heels.
There is no desire to speak.
also ended up with a stomach full of grievances.
Husbands and wives have lived together for a long time, and sometimes because of work or trivial matters, they have a bad temper and accidentally hurt each other.
It's hard to avoid.
But if you turn "accidental injury" into "daily life".
even use the "rhetorical question" as a sharp weapon to stab at the opponent's soft underbelly.
It's really too "bastard".
No one should be your "punching bag", and should take your ignorance and malicious harm as a matter of course.
Partner, even less.
If it is said that the "Xi inertial rhetorical question" between husband and wife is mainly to "bury mines" for the relationship between the two,
Then the "Xi inertia rhetorical question" between parents and children destroys the child's future more.
Netizen Qingzi had a car accident when she was just in college before.
The first thing she said when she woke up was:
"I'm fine, please don't tell my family. ”
At that moment, his injuries were not serious, and he didn't need to be taken care of, Qingzi didn't care.
What she fears the most is that if her family finds out, they will definitely scold her:
"Don't you avoid the car when you walk?!"
Even thinking of her parents' tone and demeanor, Qingzi trembled.
This kind of conditioned reflex comes from the fact that Aoko's family didn't talk to her well since she was a child:
It's obviously something happy for her, but I have to say it in a sarcastic tone;
When he should care about his daughter, he always blames him first.
Coincidentally.
Netizen A Xiang, also because of his mother's perennial "Xi habitual rhetorical question", has a shadow in his heart.
When I was a child, my mother asked Ah Xiang to help with things.
Ah Xiang didn't know the specific location of the thing, so he asked casually:
"Where's the thing?"
It was just a normal question, but it made my mother suddenly angry:
"Come, it's in my hands! Don't you have eyes yourself, won't you look for it?"
Until Ah Xiang grew up, whenever he encountered difficulties, he would still unconsciously think of his mother's swearing.
He subconsciously felt that others would scold him like his mother.
So, never ask for help.
For fear that people will find out that they have problems and don't understand.
It is mentioned in "Verbal Abuse":
"Verbal abuse can have a more lasting impact than other forms of abuse because it tends to be more subtle and continuous. ”
Some people, even after 20 years, still cry unconsciously when they recall the verbal violence of their childhood.
As Ah Xiang said:
"As much as I've always loved my mom, I still have a long way to go when it comes to self-healing. ”
In the American drama "Angry Life", it was said:
"Parents will pass on the 'harmful substances' from themselves to the next generation. ”
Screenshot from the American drama "Angry Life"
At the least, it is to raise children who lack self-confidence and are difficult to get rid of the psychological shadow;
In addition, it may educate children to be evil speakers.
Screenshot from the British drama "Melrose"
Many "people who have come over" shared:
Because since childhood, he has been immersed in the verbal violence of his parents' "Xi habitual rhetorical question".
Even if you have the intention to adjust when you grow up, you will always "expose your nature" when you are angry, which is difficult to cure.
In the end, the former "victims" became the "perpetrators" of the new round.
Alas, it's kind of ironic to think about.
Whether it's a husband and wife or a parent-child relationship.
The reason why the rhetorical question makes people respond is not only that it blocks the desire we express,
What's more, it makes the real needs of our hearts "silenced".
Just like the aforementioned Ms. Liu.
Obviously to add some "flavor" to the dull middle-aged couple's life, there is nothing to say.
But the husband's rhetorical question extinguished the wife's enthusiasm.
You know, chatting is not the point, you want to enhance the relationship between husband and wife.
Or like some children, they are having trouble finding a job and are very depressed and want to talk to their parents.
As a result, the parents' sentence "Who told you to choose this major in the first place?" instantly made people speechless.
At that moment, all the child wants is the unconditional support of his parents.
It's a sentence "It's okay, there will always be work".
But the rhetorical question makes this demand nowhere to go:
Before he could say anything, he had already choked back;
Before the grievances were complained, they were blocked back into their hearts.
That's what really stings.
In addition, when looking at netizens' opinions on "Xi's inertia rhetorical question".
I also found another interesting phenomenon.
It seems that many wives are very "supportive" of Xi's inertial rhetorical question:
"I'll talk well, but the previous question was normal. ”
Subsequently, netizens listed the "Record of Contemporary Husband's Speechless Problems":
"The clothes in the washing machine are washed, and I ask if I want to take them out to dry?"
"After eating, do you want to put the leftovers in the refrigerator?"
"Do you want to take out the garbage at home?"
"The child peed, and asked if the diaper should be thrown away?"
"The child broke the bowl and asked me if I wanted to clean it up?"
Of course, I don't deny that some may really be lacking in "life skills".
But it sounds like it all contains similar subtexts:
"The clothes are washed, you go to dry. ”
"The child is peeing, you come and wash it. ”
"There's garbage at home, you go and take it out. ”
Did you find out?
It turns out that behind the brainless problem, there is often a father or husband who "Xi inertia dumps the pot".
And the wives' rhetorical questions at the moment are more like venting their anger.
"This kind of question can be asked, I don't ask him, it's really hard to get angry!"
But out of breath is out of breath.
On the "battlefield" of rhetorical questions, there is never a winner.
It doesn't matter if it's the one who listens or the one who speaks.
In the end, it must be a lose-lose situation.
Because, it clogs the communication of real needs in intimate relationships and turns into emotional venting.
Over time, we can only be entangled between "being hurt by rhetorical questions" and "hurting others".
But the real problem has never been solved.
So much has been said.
I think at this moment everyone will inevitably mutter:
"Is it really possible to stop asking rhetorical questions at all?"
If you want me to say:
"Impossible."
After all, who hasn't had a bad temper and their mouth is faster than their brain?
But really, the less you say, the better.
Here, I have summarized two tips for dealing with rhetorical questions.
Although it cannot be eradicated, it can be improved as much as possible.
1. Universal formula: Affirm the part of the other person's words that you agree with before expressing your needs.
A lot of times, we use rhetorical questions.
It's nothing more than when a lover or child is talking, and we happen to be in a bad mood.
Or maybe some of their actions provoke our resentment.
will blurt out and go back.
But instead of simply venting our emotions, we should be clear about our needs.
Maybe it's more effective.
Here's a universal formula for expression:
Affirm what you agree with before expressing your needs.
is like the netizens mentioned above who "almost divorced because of rhetorical questions".
If when the husband says that he is tired.
Netizens can say:
"Husband, you have worked hard (affirm each other's words), I am also tired with the children today (express my needs), let's work together in the future. ”
Naturally, there will be no quarrels in the back.
In this way, we do not belittle the needs of the other person, but also express our own needs truthfully.
Win-win!
2. Patience + tolerance to understand the "true intentions" of the other party
A cliché.
I also know that this is not easy to do.
We are Xi to being good-tempered to outsiders, but we are often impatient with our families.
Misunderstandings come from impatience and from our knee-jerk reactions.
Some netizens once shared:
When she first learned to drive, her parents accompanied her to practice driving.
As a result, along the way, my mother was "scolding":
Do you know how to drive?
I have to drive to work, and I don't know how to be diligent?
Netizens had to comfort themselves while driving:
"Forget it, endure the calm for a while. ”
Who knew that it didn't take long for my mother to say:
"If you drive like this, I have to worry about death, how dare I let you go on the road alone. ”
Did you find out?
"Xi's inertial rhetorical question" sometimes wraps the softest heart.
But this heart can only be discovered by us when we taste it carefully.
Indeed, Xi's rhetorical question is not good.
But where can everything be taken care of between family members?
Regardless of which side, it is always right to be a little more patient and tolerant to understand the "true intent" of the other party.
Bad words hurt people for three springs and cold, and good words warm three winters.
I hope that after reading this article, you can think for 3 seconds before blurting out it next time.
You are also welcome to share the article so that more people can stay away from the "rhetorical question".
Click [Follow], don't let the love in your heart be misunderstood because of a momentary mouth.
I also hope everyone can come to the comment area to chat:
Have you ever heard any "rhetorical questions"?
What do you think about "Xi's rhetorical question"?