A bright marriage is not a child's play, it requires both parties to manage it with their hearts. Liu Min didn't think so at first, she was confident that she could play a good hand steadily. Who knew that her husband was unsatisfactory, and Liu Min was anxious.
At first, Liu Min thought that she had expressed herself clearly enough that her husband should understand her good intentions. For example, that time, when her husband went for a run at night as usual, Liu Min couldn't help but remind her that running hurt her.
She had studied traditional Chinese medicine and was worried that her husband would forcibly violate the balance of yin and yang in her body. She cares about his body and hopes that he will change his running Xi as soon as possible. I don't know that my husband thinks so, and still goes his own way.
Liu Min couldn't calm down for a while, she couldn't understand her husband's indifference and turns. She was obviously working hard, but her husband couldn't listen to it at all. Liu Min repeatedly expressed that her husband was more perfunctory, which cast a shadow on Liu Min's marriage.
Gradually, Liu Min perceived the dangers of pseudo-communication. It looks like communication, but in fact it forces the other party to comply. It hurts the relationship and makes the other person resist.
Liu Min wants to back down, she realizes that the vicious circle caused by pseudo-communication, if not changed in time, will only fall deeper and deeper, and the relationship between her and her husband will be difficult to recover.
Even if Liu Min is vigilant about the harm of pseudo-communication, she still needs to find out the root cause before she can take a real step.
After thinking about it, Liu Min suddenly realized. Her relationship with her husband was meant to be a refuge for each other's lives, from which much joy and happiness came from. Once the relationship is unstable, Liu Min is frightened in her heart and is eager to pull her husband back to her side.
The root of this anxiety is the so-called "primordial panic".
According to the research of emotion experts, intimacy satisfies a person's primitive attachment needs. When the lover is no longer close, people will feel helpless and sad, which is human nature.
But if you forcibly control your lover because of this, it will be counterproductive. Therefore, Liu Min has to learn to face this primal panic instead of venting it on her husband.
Primal panic cannot be avoided, but it can be disciplined. It often causes people to have two kinds of overreactions: either they take strong control of their lover, or they choose to run away from each other. Liu Min is confined to the first mode, and she tries to get her husband into line in a vain attempt to keep the relationship stable.
This desire for control has led Liu Min to fall into the vicious circle of pseudo-communication. If Liu Min is a natural lover of freedom, she may move towards a second reaction, drifting away from her husband and eventually parting ways. This is not good for both parties.
Therefore, she must face her heart directly, and not simply indulge in primitive panic. After thinking about it, Liu Min understood that the root of pseudo-communication was primitive panic, which was a common psychology and not a problem for her alone. It is important to deal with this anxiety well and avoid hurting both parties.
Only in this way can she and her husband rebuild trust and face all kinds of things together. Identifying the root cause of pseudo-communication, Liu Min is eager to eliminate this hidden danger with one move. She needed effective ways to change the situation and rejuvenate her relationship with her husband.
First of all, Liu Min must recognize his own positioning. Is she a controlling or avoidant personality? If she tends to control her husband, she needs to learn to let go; If she tends to steer clear of disputes, she needs to learn to listen to her heart.
There is no such thing as the right personality type all the time, but getting to know yourself is the first step.
Secondly, Liu Min wants to shift his attention to the inner world. She should not only focus on external behaviors such as running, but also see the emotional needs behind these things.
Moreover, Liu Min must learn to experience these emotions and not rush to express or act. She needs to stay in the feelings of sadness, helplessness, and confusion, and give herself time to accept and feel.
At the same time, she should also give her husband time to accept Liu Min's concern. The running-in period needs space, and Liu Min does not need to be anxious.
Finally, after the above three steps, Liu Min is ready to start real communication. This time, she no longer expressed one-sidedly, but was full of listening to her husband's thoughts.
She no longer asks her husband to comply, but expresses her worries and expectations. She no longer resorts to control, but trusts that the relationship will grow in equality.
These four steps don't happen overnight. Liu Min needs to keep practicing in life. Gradually, she will find a way to communicate with her husband that suits her.
It's important to be persistent and trust that both parties are eager to manage the growth of the relationship.
After all kinds of efforts, Liu Min finally completed the transformation from pseudo-communication to real communication. It means a lot to her relationship with her husband.
True communication allows Liu Min to find the right way to open his words. She learns to listen to her husband's ideas and not just express herself. She found the intersection of their concerns, which became a bridge of communication.
She also learns to restrain primordial panic from disrupting interactions. The husband also had a new experience. He saw Liu Min's good intentions, and it was no longer a reproach. He appreciates Liu Min's dedication and learns to face problems with reason rather than evasion.
Listening brings a touch to the heart, which becomes the starting point for understanding. True communication establishes a platform for mutual care. It requires both parties to abandon the primal panic and be their truest selves. It requires both parties to listen to each other and not try to control each other.
It takes time, but the results are gratifying. Liu Min and her husband's story is not yet complete, but they have gained valuable experience. Careful management, sincere communication, mutual understanding, a healthy and close relationship will eventually be in time.
The power of words cannot be underestimated, they can defuse hostility and build trust. As a woman, it's especially important to use language well.
Good words require patient listening. Listen to your husband's joys, sorrows, and sorrows, understand his inner world, and embody his position and situation. Language should not be used to accuse, but to communicate and understand.
Good words also need to be expressed skillfully. Express your opinion and discuss with your husband calmly. Don't be forceful or vague.
Find just the right amount of measure. Only by paying equal attention to listening and expressing can we exert the power of language. It bridges barriers and builds trust, like a trickle, slowly penetrating the heart.
Language requires wisdom and love, perseverance. Kind words can pry the heart and let the true feelings flow. This is the power that women have regained.
The magical effect of words also needs to be practiced in life to be integrated. How to make good use of language in daily interactions?
First, understand the starting point. Don't preconceive about the other person's motives, but be curious and explore the real expectations behind their words and actions. Language should start a journey of discovery, not attack the line of defense.
Second, empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine how you would feel and choose if you were him. Enter his world and let his feelings be yours.
Again, express your heart. Give up defense and open your heart to share your joys, worries, and hopes. The power of language lies in showing that there are no possibilities.
Finally, listen in a blank space. Give the other person plenty of space to present and respond. The charm of language lies in the tacit collision back and forth.
Bumps and bumps are inevitable in practice, but with good intentions, a few words can also turn hostility into friendship. Language does not need to be gorgeous, but it needs wisdom and warmth to light up the stars of the heart.
The power of language is endless. Women who are good at speaking can grasp the rudder of feelings and lead the direction of relationships.
Liu Min initially fell into the trap of pseudo-communication, where she blindly expressed and ignored the power of listening. Through reflection and practice, she found the key to true communication.
Sincere listening, empathetic understanding, peaceful and confident expression, and humility to discuss together are all sources of positive energy in language. They can dissolve misunderstandings, build trust, and turn love for each other into magic.
Life will not be smooth sailing, and language can only exert its due power if both parties are strong inside. In the face of primal panic, reason is more reliable than emotion; In the face of running-in, tolerance is more intelligent than blame.
Remember the original intention of love, and words can light up hope.
Liu Min has lost herself for the time being, but she will eventually regain the light and warmth of language. She will give us more inspiration and become an example of continuous learning Xi. When she and her husband can walk side by side, the power of words is demonstrated.