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My name is Li Nan, I am 38 years old, and I am a middle school Chinese teacher. It's been 5 years since my ex-husband and I divorced. As an independent woman, I have always longed to find true love again and form a warm home.
I am full of happiness and expectation, and I want to live a married life with Wang Wei. But to my surprise, Wang Wei was not very interested in this. At first, I thought it was because we had known each other for too short and our relationship wasn't close enough. Every time I wanted to close the distance between us, Wang Wei always avoided it with the excuse of being busy with work or feeling unwell.
"Wang Wei, we've been married for a month, why are you still far away from me?" One night, I plucked up the courage to ask Wang Wei.
I nodded disappointedly, "Okay then, you go about your work." I slept alone. ”
Lying alone on a huge bed, I burst into tears before I even had time to admire our newlywed house. We obviously love each other so much, so compatible, how did we become the way we are now?
I started thinking about our relationship. Has there been a rift in our relationship? Does Wang Wei love me? Does he have another woman? All kinds of absurd thoughts rolled in my mind, keeping me awake at night.
"Wang Wei, I made you breakfast, let's eat together. I brought breakfast to the table.
"Okay, okay, don't say you're sorry. I interrupted him, plucked up the courage to say, "I'll just ask you, do you love me, if you don't love me, just say it, let's cancel this engagement!"
I stared into his eyes tightly: "What's the problem?
My mouth opened wide in surprise.
My mouth opened wide in surprise and it took me a while to react. It turns out that the problem is here, and it is no wonder that Wang Wei always avoids intimate relationships.
I looked at his red face, and the big stone in my heart finally fell to the ground. It turns out that this is just the problem, Wang Wei doesn't love me, he has been worrying about my feelings.
"Actually, you don't have to take it personally, it's not a big deal. I walked over and hugged Wang Wei, "We can solve it slowly." As long as the feelings are there, everything else is trivial. ”
"There are always more ways than difficulties. I smiled and comforted him, "We can go to the doctor together or learn some professional knowledge Xi." Don't worry, I'm here. ”
Wang Wei finally smiled and hugged me tightly: "Thank you, Nan Nan! You are my savior!"
From that day on, I started to look through various materials and research how to treat premature ejaculation. I also encouraged Wang Wei from time to time, telling him that it was not his fault and that it would always be cured if he took his time. Wang Wei's psychological pressure has been significantly reduced, and he no longer avoids intimate contact with me as before.
In this way, with my help and encouragement, Wang Wei gradually regained his confidence. A month later, Wang Wei took the initiative to hold my hand and asked me to make love. When he finally made it through the ten minutes and managed to climax, we both breathed a sigh of relief, tears and sweat intertwined.
"Thank you so much, Nan Nan. I don't know what I would do without you. Wang Wei hugged me tightly.
I hugged him softly: "Fool, husband and wife are meant to support each other. It's a little bit of nothing. ”
Recently. Just when I thought everything was going in a good direction, something new went wrong.
That night, Wang Wei proposed to postpone the life of the husband and wife. I couldn't believe my ears.
"But, we've made it! aren't you all right?" I asked anxiously.
I closed my mouth in disappointment. I thought that the problem of premature ejaculation was solved, and we would be able to return to normal life. But Wang Wei's psychological disorders seem to be more entrenched than he imagined.
I was silent, and Wang Wei didn't speak again. This night, I tossed and turned, and I couldn't sleep for a long time. Perhaps, I thought too much from the beginning. Maybe the problems between us are not as simple as I thought.
Wang Wei on the other end of the phone sighed softly: "Nan Nan, I understand your feelings. Indeed, this is not the way to go. Give me two days to think about it, okay? I'll give you a satisfactory answer. ”
I was silent for a while, but I agreed: "Okay, you think about it carefully." I can wait. "
Putting down the phone, I looked complicated. Maybe there really are too many disagreements between us, and this marriage is a mistake in itself. I began to suspect that I had been too idealistic at the beginning, and now I realize that there are irreparable differences.
Two days later, Wang Wei arrived as promised. I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself down.
"Nan Nan, I have thought about the question you said. After Wang Wei sat down, he said slowly, "Let's get a divorce." "
My heart tugged at me hard, and although I had a premonition, it was still hard for me to accept hearing it with my own ears. "Why? Can't we solve the problem between us?"
"It's not just this question. Wang Wei's expression was also gloomy, "There are differences in our lifestyles and values. You're a familalist and I'm a career-oriented person, and it's hard to reconcile this fundamental difference. It's not fair to anyone to be together like this. "
My heart sank. Wang Wei is right, these gaps have always been there, but at the beginning, my eyes were full of love, and I didn't realize it at all. The differences between us are too great, and perhaps the feelings are ungrounded from the beginning.
"Yes, you're right. It's good for everyone that we're apart. I nodded, tears streaming down my face.
Wang Wei was silent for a while, got up and poured me a glass of water, and then gently patted me on the back. I know he's sad too, it's just that as a man, he buries more pain in his heart.
In this way, we negotiated the divorce and maintained the dignity and distance between friends. I moved out of our shared house, and Wang Wei helped me find a new place to live. He also came to help me personally when I was packing.
"Have a nice trip. When he said goodbye to me, Wang Wei's face was faintly reluctant.
"Well, you too. I barely managed to squeeze out a smile.
Sometimes when I wake up late at night, I can't help but take out a photo of Wang Wei to look at. We used to be so sweet and so in love with each other, but we still couldn't make it to the end. It feels like the whole person has been hollowed out, and I can't adjust my mentality.
After half a year, I obviously feel a lot older. There are a lot of wrinkles on the skin, and the mental state is very low.
"Xiao Li, how are you not in good shape lately?" One day at noon, my good friend Xiao Zhao couldn't stand it anymore, "Do you want me to introduce you to new people?"
I smiled wryly and shook my head: "No, I don't have the heart to fall in love anymore." I just want to be alone. "
Xiao Zhao sighed deeply: "It's okay." But you really don't want to be so depressed anymore, a girl like you is worth starting over!"
Is it worth starting over? I don't know. I have loved so hard, tried so hard to grasp happiness, but in the end there was nothing. I no longer have the courage to believe in a bright future. Now I just want to live quietly and spend the rest of my time simply and plainly.
Wang Wei would occasionally call, but we were all measured and did not go beyond the scope of ordinary friends. Hearing that he is working well and in a good relationship, I am also sincerely happy for him. There is no fairness in this world, at least I have chosen this path myself, so the consequences can only be borne by myself.
There are no ifs in life, the past is gone. I believe that God is still not thin on me, at least I still have a decent job, financial independence, and good health. I can't and shouldn't be greedy for a perfect marriage or love, then I'd be too willful and greedy. As Wang Wei said, am I too greedy?
yes, maybe I'm really too greedy. I want a career, I want love, I want a perfect marriage, which may not be possible in reality. I shouldn't be depressed just because I don't get everything I want, I still have my life to go on.
In the blink of an eye, it has been a year since the divorce. My life is getting back on track, my work is getting busy, and the students are gratifying. In my spare time, I hang out with a few good friends and occasionally video chat with my family.
Just when I thought I had let go, an email suddenly disrupted my peaceful life.
"Teacher Li, are you okay? I've always been worried about you. I don't know if you have any new plans now, but if you're willing to give me a chance, we can try again. Please let me know what you think. Wang Wei"
My eyes widened and I read this short email over and over again a dozen times. Wang Wei's sudden letter was really beyond my expectations, and I didn't expect that he would suddenly take the initiative to contact me a year after the breakup. Judging by the tone, it seems that he has not been able to really let go of our relationship.
I spent a few days in the middle of nowhere. What should I do? Should I reject Wang Wei directly, or should I give this relationship one last chance? I thought about it again and again, and the bits and pieces that had passed came back to my heart.
I smiled wryly and shook my head: "It's a pity that it doesn't help, he can't give me the life I want, and I can't fulfill his life." Feelings have no basis and are pure wishful thinking. ”
"You don't have to. Xiao Zhao raised his eyebrows, "I believe that the relationship needs two people to work together, and the difficulties you faced at that time are actually not insurmountable." In this society, how can there be a perfect marriage? Success is based on compromise and mutual fulfillment between the two parties. ”
I was silent. Indeed, Wang Wei and I may have quit too early and did not give the relationship a chance to continue fighting. Does the fact that he came to the door show that there is indeed a possibility of redemption between us?
"Go meet him and have a good talk. Xiao Zhao encouraged me, "This may be the last turning point in your relationship." ”
After all kinds of ideological struggles, I finally mustered up the courage and agreed to meet Wang Wei. Agreed to meet at the café we frequented. When I walked into the café and saw the croissant, time seemed to go backwards, and my heart beat faster involuntarily.
"Li Nan, you're here. Wang Wei stood up, his eyes full of excitement and relief. I nodded and sat down across from him.
"I haven't seen you for over a year, and you look good. I pulled out a smile.
I was silent, mixed for a moment. I understand that a relationship is like a bridge, which needs to be built by both sides and compromised at the same time. Maybe we were all too stubborn in the past and didn't realize that the most precious part of a relationship is to support each other and grow together.
"I'm willing to give it a try. Finally, I took a deep breath and said this. Wang Wei's eyes lit up with hope and he shook my hand excitedly.
On the days of getting back together, we are cautious for fear of upsetting this hard-to-maintain balance. I tried my best to understand and tolerate Wang Wei's workaholism and privacy, and he also learned to respond positively to my little expectations. We booked a couple's tour to go hiking and fitness together and enjoy every warm moment in life.
One day, Wang Wei suddenly proposed to me and put on an engagement ring for me. "This time, I will cherish you forever. "The ring is shining on my ring finger. I know that this time, we can finally climb to the top and face the next peak in life.
I also finally understood that the success of love and marriage is based on two people supporting each other, encouraging each other, and overcoming difficulties together. As long as both parties are willing to pay for it and change it, the flower of affection will eventually bloom. I am very glad that the appearance of Wang Wei has given me the opportunity to re-examine my views on love and marriage, and make me a more excellent and considerate woman. There is still a long way to go in life, but with you by my side, I am no longer afraid of wind and rain, because I know that there will be a rainbow.
Reconciling with Wang Wei, I feel relieved and satisfied for a long time. Step by step, we built a new relationship, and I gradually abandoned those unrealistic illusions and learned to be more tolerant and understanding of my other half.
One night, Wang Wei suddenly said that there was an important party at home, and he couldn't go out to dinner with me as promised.
I was a little disappointed, but quickly adjusted my mentality: "It's okay, you go and get busy, we can make up for it another day." ”
"I'm sorry, baby. Wang Wei looked at me apologetically, "I'll make it up to you." ”
"Okay, you can just go with confidence. I laughed and teased him.
It was really boring to be home alone, so I decided to go out and walk around. As soon as I got out of the community, I saw a tall man standing opposite.
The man stared at me for a moment, then walked over hesitantly: "Li, Li Nan?"
I took a vigilant step back: "Who are you?"
"I am Ding Yang, a friend of Wang Wei. The man explained, "We met at the company's annual meeting before, do you remember?"
I always think something is weird, but I can't remember exactly what the problem is. Seeing that I hesitated, Ding Yang added: "It was the annual meeting three months ago, in the Imperial Building. ”
"Ah, I remember!" It dawned on me. I did attend the annual meeting three months ago, but I was a little drunk and I can't remember the exact situation.
I looked at him suspiciously, "What's the matter?" ”
"Y-Are you sure?" I tried not to tremble in my voice.
"Shut up, I don't want to listen!" I suddenly shouted, and Ding Yang was startled. I felt the world spin around and almost fainted on the spot.
How could Wang Wei do this to me! I believed in him and gave him a chance again, but he still went to find other women!
"Ding Yang, thank you for telling me this!" I wiped away my tears and turned to leave.
I shook my head and didn't answer. I don't care about that much anymore. I can no longer trust Wang Wei.
Is that what I did to give him a new chance? Is God playing this cruel joke on me?
I don't know how long I've been sitting in the dark. The mobile phone rang several times, and it should have been Wang Wei calling. I didn't answer, and I really didn't have the courage to face him again.
Maybe I'm destined to be lonely for the rest of my life. Destined to be hurt by men and hit by reality. I'm too naïve, too self-conscious.
That night, I was completely devastated.
Wang Wei called quickly, but I just pressed it. Then he sent another message to try to explain, but I didn't read a word, and just blocked him.
I never want to see him again. I don't want to hear any explanation anymore.
I won't trust any man again in my life. They are all the same, with a new love, they can abandon you with impunity.
I asked to be transferred out of my old school and moved to my distant hometown. It's quiet and peaceful, without the slightest hustle and bustle of the city.
Maybe I should have spent the rest of my life in such a small town, and I shouldn't have dreamed of having the prosperity of the city and a happy marriage.
I want to teach well here and live a peaceful and contented life. Only by being alone from all temptations can I achieve true peace.
I also rarely contact friends from the outside world. Occasionally, my best friend Xiao Zhao would make a phone call, but I was perfunctory. I don't want any outside information to disturb my life right now. I just want to live quietly and alone until the end of my life.
Until one day, a letter suddenly shattered my peaceful life.
"Teacher Li, are you alright?" A couple of students ran over to pick me up.
"I'm fine. Kids go to class!" I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself from the sudden news.
In the afternoon, between classes, I walked back and forth in the office by myself. My brain was a mess and I couldn't think at all. What is Wang Wei's current situation? What kind of terminal illness is he having? How long is it until he dies? Has he regretted what he did back then? Has he ever wanted to come to me?" All kinds of problems disturbed my mind.
Finally, a thought crossed my mind, and my body shook violently.
I had to go and see him one last time. No matter what happened between us, no matter what kind of vows I made before, I couldn't bear to let Wang Wei die like this.
Wang Wei opened his eyes slightly, and his gaze fell on me a little sloppily.
"Nan Nan, are you really here?" His voice was soft, but I could hear joy and relief.
I nodded, choking up.
"Don't talk about it!" I couldn't stop crying. Although I had forgiven him, he had never been able to forgive himself.
After that, I stayed at his bedside, taking care of him day and night, telling him what I had seen and heard recently. There was often some childish laughter in the ward, which made the patients who came to visit around envy. Wang Wei's condition seems to have improved a little since I arrived, at least he is more energetic than before.
"If only I hadn't had this damn terminal illness, we would have spent more time together. On the eve of his death, Wang Wei whispered with tears in his eyes.
I choked up and nodded, not saying a word. I knew I was going to face great grief, but I was ready.
In this way, Wang Wei passed away peacefully in my company. On his deathbed he begged the hospital not to inform the rest of his family, and he only wanted me to be there for him. I did.
I did a simple funeral for Wang Wei, and then returned to the small town I was familiar with alone. I know that I will never forget such a man in my life, but I no longer run away from my heart as I used to.
It's inevitable that people will hurt each other. But the beauty of a relationship is also in understanding, forgiveness, and support. I think I no longer blame Wang Wei back then, and I no longer run away from my heart. After the loss, I became even more bearish.
I would continue my life as a teacher, except occasionally to visit Wang Wei's grave and speak to him softly.
There is no such thing as a forever wrong, and time and forgiveness can cure everything.