In the past, many families had the idea of "preference for sons over daughters", so in some families with many children, there may be a situation where "sisters work to earn money to support the family, and brothers continue to go to school".
What's more, some families do not recognize any of their daughters' achievements, and treat their daughters as "outsiders", and the kind of partiality is obvious.
However, with the development of the times, people's concepts have gradually improved, and the preference for sons over daughters is no longer common in modern society.
However, this does not mean that the "eccentricity" of parents does not exist, but now the partiality of parents has little to do with "patriarchy", but the harm to children is not small.
A new type of "eccentricity" is prevalent in second-child families
Parents always feel that they are not partial, but their children are repeatedly hurt
After Xiaoyun got married, she gave birth to a daughter, who is well-behaved and cute, not only Xiaoyun and her husband like it very much, but also the child's grandparents and grandparents regard this child as the pearl of their palms, and usually take good care of this child.
In a blink of an eye, her daughter has reached the age of elementary school, and at this time Xiaoyun is also pregnant with her second child.
As for the fact that she is about to have a younger brother or sister, her daughter is also more excited, but her daughter doesn't know what the second child represents, and just thinks that there is a child who can play with her every day.
However, when Erbao's younger brother was really born, her daughter found that things were different from what she imagined.
The daughter, that is, Dabao, feels that the appearance of Erbao will not affect her life, but will only make her life better, because she has an extra brother, one more person to play with, and one more relative who can take care of each other.
However, when Erbao was born, Dabao found that his life had changed dramatically:
The family seems to have forgotten their existence overnight and only cared about taking care of Erbao.
In the past, Mom and Dad were with them at home, but now they are revolving around Erbao.
I wanted to play with my mother, but my mother refused, the reason was because of Erbao.
……
Dabao didn't know why, but Dabao was an obedient and well-behaved girl after all, so he didn't express his dissatisfaction too much.
However, after Erbao was older, many things in life made Dabao even more sad:
When playing with Erbao, as long as Erbao cries, his parents will think that Dabao provoked him.
Erbao grabbed Dabao's things, no matter whether it was reasonable or not, Mom and Dad always let Dabao let Erbao.
Erbao and Dabao have an awkward quarrel, and their parents have always coaxed Erbao and criticized Dabao.
……
Dabao doesn't understand, why is this happening? Why are parents partial to Erbao?
However, Xiaoyun and her husband did not recognize their partiality, nor did they think that their actions would make Dabao sad, because their actions were "right and justified".
But is that the case?
Why do many parents have "eccentric" behavior, but the parents themselves are completely unaware of it?
Children feel that their parents are biased, but parents feel that they are not biased at all, and this situation abounds in life. But why is this happening? There are three main reasons for this:
1. Parents take care of children of different ages, and use them in different ways, but the children do not understand
Babies of different ages need different parenting styles.
Newborns and infants naturally need to be cared for, because they lack mobility, basic self-care ability, etc., have weak physical fitness, and do not have the ability to get rid of danger, so they need the "personal protection" of parents.
Young children, on the other hand, have certain personal abilities, can play by themselves, can express their needs, and can get rid of some very slight dangers, at this time parents do not need "personal protection", but need to keep children within their own monitoring range.
As children grow older, the level of care they need from parents is also changing, and it is impossible for parents to take care of children of different ages in the same way.
However, this is considered "unfair" and "partial" by children who do not understand.
For example, Xiaoyun's Dabao thinks that his parents are taking care of Erbao, but he doesn't know that Erbao really needs such care.
[Suggestion]: Dabao is still a child, and parents should be as fair as possible when taking care of two children.
For example, you can spend most of your day taking care of Erbao, but don't neglect to accompany Dabao, or you can invite Dabao to take care of Erbao with you, so that Dabao feels that she is also needed.
2. Parents have a subjective and fair heart, but they do not look at things objectively
Sometimes, two children in the family are of the same age, but they still feel that their parents are biased, mainly because parents only look at things based on subjective "fairness", rather than looking at things from an objective point of view.
For example, the eldest in the family likes sugar gourds, and the second child likes meat buns, but when they go out, their parents see a sugar gourd seller, so they buy sugar gourds for the eldest and second child.
In this case, the parents felt that it was fair, because the eldest and second child received the same gift.
However, for the second child, it is unfair, because he likes to eat meat buns, not sugar gourds, and his parents only buy the sugar gourds that the boss likes, which is obviously biased towards the boss.
[Suggestion]: Parents should understand that whether they are "eccentric" or not does not depend on their own feelings, but on their children's feelings.
Therefore, we should not be too entangled in "material equilibrium", but should pay attention to psychological equality. For example, when you buy something, you can buy something that your child likes, rather than the same price.
3. Parents' concepts are not synchronized with their children, resulting in cognitive errors
Sometimes, the "eccentricity" of parents is actually caused by the fact that the concepts of parents and children are not synchronized.
For example, the most classic "the eldest should let the second" is not wrong for adults, because adults recognize the ethics of the gang and know that the old and the young are inferior, so the elder brother needs to be tolerant.
However, children are different, children's mental development is very imperfect, and they don't understand so many truths, in their eyes, there is no "boss", "second", only "equal brothers and sisters", they don't know why the boss wants to let the second, and they don't understand.
[Suggestion]: Parents should pay attention to the perspective of their children and examine the problem.
For example, when the eldest and the elderly are awkward, parents must not blindly let "the eldest let the second", but let the children solve it themselves.
Parents need to intervene when the child is unable to solve the problem on his own, or when he or she shows an incorrect way of coping with it, or when he or she becomes violent.
Moreover, when interfering, it is necessary to "convince people with reason", and never confuse right and wrong with "age" and "identity".
Write at the end
In fact, the frequency of "new eccentricity" in life is not low, and even more or less appears in every family with many children. Therefore, parents must avoid these situations and create a healthy environment for their children to grow up.
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