Back then, the 19-year-old mother's name was Liu Cuihua, and she was introduced by a matchmaker in her hometown village to Zhang Tianman, the son of the Zhang family.
The groom is 3 years older than the bride and has a higher education level than average, so Liu Cuihua's parents happily married their daughter.
At that time, Liu Cuihua was still a vigorous girl, standing at the door of Zhang's house, with infinite upward longing into this new home. She fantasizes that there will be a considerate husband, a kind mother-in-law, and a simple but warm little home.
However, the reality often does not look like an ideal. Zhang Tianman's mother, Liu Yuegui, has always been known as a "shrew", fierce, violent, and brutal. What's worse is that Zhang Tianman is not as good as he seems to be on the surface, and often stays outside without returning, and there are countless deeds of stealing chickens and dogs.
Liu Cuihua soon learned that her life was not as good as she imagined.
Every time Zhang doesn't return home all night, Liu Yuegui must be furious. Although Liu Cuihua was aggrieved, she never dared to speak up. Liu Yuegui scolded angrily, and her language was full of ugly words such as "embarrassing" and "clumsy".
Liu Cuihua's tears flowed silently, but she could only bow her head and accept her mother-in-law's unreasonable abuse.
Day after day, Liu Yuegui saw that her daughter-in-law was weak and easy to bully, so she intensified. Her patriarchal thinking is deep-rooted, and she looks down on Liu Cuihua for giving birth to 3 daughters in a row, so she often uses this to ridicule and ridicule.
She scolded Liu Cuihua for being clumsy in everything she does, and she is a "desperate household" who has no interest. Zhang Tianman still did his own thing, which made Liu Yuegui hurt his daughter-in-law even more unscrupulously.
Liu Yuegui's deeds of making things difficult for her daughter-in-law are countless, and all kinds of vexatious actions make Liu Cuihua suffer.
Liu Yuegui's patriarchal ideology is deeply rooted. She couldn't accept her daughter-in-law, who gave birth to three daughters in a row, and felt that she was incompetent, so she often attacked her with this.
Liu Cui's heart is like a knife, but she is helpless. She has always had a good reputation in the village, but she didn't expect to be planted in such a mother-in-law's house, and she felt humiliated.
Liu Yuegui is picky and fastidious, and she doesn't give Liu Cuihua a good face at all. Liu Cuihua is hardworking and capable, whether she is working, weaving or cooking, she is careful and attentive. But Liu Yuegui always picks fat and thin, disgusted that she is clumsy and clumsy, and she is not like a daughter-in-law.
Once, Liu Cuihua knitted a cotton jacket and gave it to her father-in-law, but Liu Yuegui said disdainfully that she couldn't even weave a decent jacket. Liu Cuihua had to swallow her anger, and her tears condensed into ice in her heart.
What made her even more unbearable was that every time Zhang Tianman was found fooling around behind her back, Liu Yuegui not only scolded her son, but also took Liu Cuihua under the knife. "I can't even discipline my husband, it's too useless!" Liu Yuegui scolded viciously.
Liu Cuihua has no place to be ashamed, so she can only bear it silently. At this time, Zhang Tianman would not stop his mother silently, and let his wife be beaten and scolded in front of her mother-in-law, without any manliness.
All kinds of beatings and humiliations made Liu Cuihua thinner and thinner. She couldn't figure out what she was wrong, where this sin came from, and why she had suffered this misfortune. She began to doubt her husband and mother-in-law, and she was worried about the future of her daughters.
In this marriage with no other choice, Liu Cuihua's only consolation is her three daughters. They are still young and do not yet understand the grievances suffered by their mothers. She also tried her best to prevent her daughters from witnessing Liu Yuegui's unreasonable and violent acts.
Fortunately, the fields in the countryside are vast, and they don't have to face Liu Yuegui all day. It's just that every time she goes home, Liu Yuegui's evil appearance and insulting voice disturb the tranquility of the mother and daughter.
Although Liu Cuihua tried her best to protect her daughters, the eldest daughter Liu Yun still witnessed all kinds of unsightly scenes. An 8-year-old child, where does he understand the cruelty and intricacies of the adult world.
She only knew that the vicious old woman in front of her was hurting her favorite mother every day.
Finally, in a dark dusk, Liu Yuegui was scolding again. While accusing her son of not being successful, she grabbed Liu Cuihua's weakness and ravaged her as she had done countless times before.
Liu Yun listened, his small body began to tremble slightly, his facial features twisted together, and his fists clenched tightly. She yelled, rushed to Liu Yuegui, and almost poked her wrinkled face: "If you dare to bully my mother again, I will kill you vicious old thing!" After speaking, tears burst out of the embankment uncontrollably like a flood that opened the floodgates.
That cry became the last straw that broke the camel's back. Liu Cuihua realized that even if she ruined herself, she couldn't let her daughter continue to suffer this crime. She finally made up her mind to leave the cave.
One night in May 1995, Liu Cuihua quietly packed a few clothes and fled from this absurd home with her eldest daughter on her back. came to the house of a cousin in Hangzhou, which was a temporary place to stay.
Her cousin worked in the local family planning office, helped her rent a place to live, and also introduced her to a job as a cleaner. Although the income was meager, it was enough for Liu Cuihua at that time to make her ecstatic.
"I don't have to face that disgusting old thing anymore and listen to her wanton insults!" Liu Cuihua couldn't help muttering to herself. The resentment and bitterness that have been accumulating can be vented at this moment.
The cousin later relayed that his father from his hometown had also come here to inquire about Liu Cuihua's whereabouts. Unexpectedly, the cousin has always been silent, which allowed the mother and daughter to say goodbye to the absurd family forever.
Later, the news of her daughter's death came, and her cousin persuaded her to go home to attend the funeral, but Liu Cuihua flatly refused. The hatred of that year is still vivid, and she never wants to return to that demon cave and never see her again.
After leaving that nightmarish home, although Liu Cuihua's life was poor, she regained her basic dignity as a human being. She no longer has to endure Liu Yuegui's vicious verbal insults, nor does she have to face Zhang Tianman's bad luck.
Although the days of living with her daughter are hard, she has felt unprecedented happiness and satisfaction.
Even though more than 30 years have passed, every time she recalls the humiliating experiences in the past, Liu Cuihua still can't help but feel on fire. She still can't forgive Zhang Tianman for her negative feelings back then, as well as Liu Yuegui's various abuses to her.
Although she understands that people need to be tolerant in order to look forward, life is long. But these bitter hatreds really can't be appeased.
I also pondered the question: How do we choose between such resentment – forgiveness or resentment?
Forgiveness requires a tolerant mindset and the ability to cleanse the past. But the pain is too deep and the trauma is too severe, and it often makes people lose this ability. Forgiveness does not solve the problem, but sometimes encourages bad behavior.
What about holding grudges? Remembering grudges can be used to warn oneself not to be deceived again. But the accumulation of resentment will only torture oneself and cannot truly be liberated.
In my opinion, the most ideal approach is not to simply forgive or hold grudges, but to make a sober choice after time precipitation and rational analysis. Only by being transparent can we decide how to face the past without being disturbed by it.
Liu Cuihua's experience is just a microcosm of the thousands of women who have been bullied in rural areas. Under the long-term influence of the traditional culture of the mainland, the patriarchal ideology formed has led to the low status of women, and they are often reduced to dispensable accessories in a patriarchal society.
Nowadays, society is progressing, and people are becoming more and more enlightened, and they are no longer as openly discriminatory against women as they used to be. However, at the practical level, many women still face the dilemma of being deprived of their rights.
For example, there are significantly fewer opportunities for employment and promotion than for men, and there is a huge wage gap. In the family, women are often in a position of hard work and undignification. All kinds of discrimination, both obvious and implicit, are undermining women's development prospects.
Therefore, it is necessary to further strengthen the protection and promotion of women's rights. For example, legislation compels companies to improve the employment environment for women and severely cracks down on gender-based job discrimination; Encourage women's participation in decision-making at all levels, and establish organizations such as women's committees at the grassroots level so that women's voices can be heard.
Only by popularizing the awareness of gender equality, reversing the prejudice of the masses, and enabling women to get the respect and opportunities they deserve, can society develop healthily and justly.
Life is full of ups and downs, and each of us is trying to find our own peace. In the face of the past, we need to be tolerant and compassionate. Only by watering life with love and kindness can beautiful flowers bloom.
I believe that time will eventually heal all the wounds, and we will all usher in new hope.