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Mr. Wen丨 Shi Shu
Editor丨Mr. Shi Shu
<<——Preamble——>>
"Wedding, funeral, and wedding" banquets are the most common, and naturally it is indispensable to "follow the ceremony", which has a history Xi of many years in the mainland.
In addition to these, there is also a more important one is the children's "full moon wine", which is also generally celebrated, and the "third anniversary" of the death of the elderly in some places will also be held.
But in recent years, I don't know where a "crooked wind" has blown, and it has begun to show off college banquets, birthday banquets, housewarming banquets, etc., and there will even be some outrageous banquets, do you have to participate in these?
With the increasing number of these "chaotic" banquets, netizens have combined the ancient and modern times to summarize the "four things that do not follow", and see what they are.
<<·——"Uninvited courtesy"——·>>
In the editor's hometown, there is such a saying about the ceremony, "white things are uninvited, red things are not invited", I don't know if friends have such "rules" in the local area.
Because in the village, everyone is more familiar with who's old man has passed away, as long as he knows him, he will help when he has time, and he doesn't need to be invited by the main family, but in the past there was still such a set of "etiquette".
The master of the white business will personally go to invite someone, wear filial piety clothes and kowtow first when entering the door, informing the family that the elders have passed away and need help. And the invitee also needs to hurry to help the person up, and promise to help.
But with the development of the times, relatives and friends are generally informed by phone when there is a white incident at home, even if they are not invited, but when they hear about it, as long as they feel that the relationship is not bad, they can go to help, after all, the deceased is the greatest, that is, "white things come uninvited".
As for happy events, such as whose son gets married or marries a daughter, he generally can't take the initiative to "join in the fun" without accepting the invitation, whether the host family is too busy to forget to notify or other reasons, there is no need to participate.
Because there may be something between them, there may be this Xi custom because two people have a holiday, but one party still has a "cheeky" participation in the wedding, so there is an unpleasantness, so there is such a saying.
After that, there is a saying that "red things are not invited", if the relationship is really very good, and it is forgotten by the main family, that is, the etiquette of the main family is not careful, and he does not pay attention to it if he does not go, he remembers it afterwards and forgot to invite you, and he has to come to apologize and invite guests to dinner.
But I know it in my heart, but I didn't invite it, which means that the host family may look down on you from the bottom of my heart and don't want to associate with you, so why should we stick a cold ass with a hot face and make us unhappy.
But if you are really not invited, it may also be related to some local Xi customs, it is inconvenient to invite, if you are not invited, it will also break the Xi customs or poor hospitality, so it is generally better not to be invited or not to participate, not to give courtesy, to avoid causing unnecessary trouble.
<<·——"There is no return to the courtesy"——·>>
In our Chinese civilization, there has always been the Xi of "courtesy exchanges", but there are only contacts that come and go, and there will be some "smart ghosts" from ancient times to the present.
In ancient times, whether it was a happy event or a funeral between neighbors, they would rush to tell each other, invite them to participate or help, but there was such a "careful calculation" of the lord, when he heard that the children of the neighborhood were about to get married, he went out a few days ago and was not at home, and when he got married, whether he was familiar or not, he couldn't wait to invite everyone he had seen, which was regarded as the ancient "self-familiar".
In the long run, the neighbors also found that he rarely participated in other people's affairs, and only reluctantly participated when he really couldn't excuse himself, and he was still there "cheating and cheating" and refused to contribute, which also made the neighbors no longer invite him if there was anything.
Soon his retribution came, his old mother died suddenly, and he ran to tell the neighbors, thinking that he could make a lot of money, but when he came to the door, the neighbors agreed, and on the day when he needed to come to help, no one came, and then he knew that the neighbors had already seen through him.
It is said that there are exchanges, whether it is a funeral or a happy event, from ancient times to the present, there will be a bookkeeper to keep accounts, write down what gifts everyone has given, and now it is to write down how much money has been paid.
The ledger will always be kept, and when it is time to return the gift, turn through the ledger and choose a gift of the same value to give back, or with the same amount of money to be in order.
But no matter what era, there will be some "clever ghosts", and they are now, and there are more reasons, they have something to call and invite one by one, and when it is someone else's turn, they will make all kinds of excuses, either they are not at home, or they can't get through the phone.
It's better for people like this to see through it as soon as possible, knowing that they have no return to the etiquette they go with, so don't follow it, the meat bun beats the dog for an empty time, and then it will seem that there is no strength to argue with him, and it is better not to have "come and go with the ceremony" in the first place.
<<·——"The gift of accumulating wealth for the truth is not followed"——·>>
In recent years, there have been a lot of big feast activities, especially the obvious is the "school banquet", which was originally a big family, eating together, as an aunt and uncle elders to stuff a red envelope for the child is enough, but it has become a gradual big feast, the whole village celebrates.
This kind of thing may have started with a very good student who was admitted to a university such as Tsinghua University and Peking University, and had to hold a big banquet at the behest of the villagers.
Gradually, they all began to put on a big banquet, no matter what the children's grades Xi were in school, even if they went to a technical school, they had to pull up a banner and put up a banquet, wanting to collect money.
Even the style of painting is gradually outrageous, and even the children have to set up a table in a key junior high school and a key high school.
Once you start, you can't stop, can you not join this friend? This kind of etiquette is too much, and when your children go to school, they feel that they will "lose to death" if they don't hold a banquet.
In order not to reduce this kind of meaningless banquet, knowing that he is collecting money, don't participate in it in the first place, otherwise that person will hold endless banquets.
Some are even more outrageous, the "three marriages" have to be put on a big feast, and the average family marriage is only once, and his three big wedding banquets are not just collecting money.
In the long run, I'm afraid it will really be like in the movie, and the "divorce" will also have a ceremony, so it's better not to participate in such a banquet.
<< - "The courtesy of sudden contact does not follow" - >>
Now there is also a phenomenon that this kind of classmate, which appears more often among young people, who have not been in contact for a long time, and who are not even familiar with it when they were in school, suddenly has your phone number and invites you to the wedding.
But I haven't seen each other for many years, and I can't even remember what it's called, and suddenly I added WeChat that I was going to get married, and the average young person would politely follow a part, transfer money on WeChat, and say that I was busy with work and couldn't leave.
This kind of thing is probably not uncommon, which also allows scammers to seize the opportunity, they will add strangers to WeChat or call, pretending to be old classmates, saying that they want to get married, to defraud the "gift money", taking advantage of the embarrassment of young people who are afraid of playing videos, and are also afraid that "old classmates" will ask about the current situation, and then WeChat transfer to chat about their hearts.
So generally in this case, it is better to agree verbally first, and when the other party asks again why he didn't come, he said that he was busy with work and forgot, after all, he didn't have any contact, and he was not afraid of offending him.
Besides, this kind of sudden invitation that has not been in touch for many years is impolite, and we don't need to feel embarrassed and inappropriate because of the refusal.
At the same time, it is also possible that you may be used by scammers, and it is also possible that you are already married or wait for you to get married but you can't contact the other party and let the previous "share of money" go down the drain.
<<·——Conclusion——·>>
The above is the "four non-followers" summarized by netizens, and many friends may not agree with it, thinking that since they have been invited, it is a bit of a shame or inappropriate not to participate in the ceremony.
But please think about it, when this kind of "banquet" becomes more, I'm afraid that half of the salary of a month will have to go out, and there are still many things that I know if there is no return, I guess no one wants to be a "wronged leader", right?
When their "motives are not pure", they are already being impolite in the first place, so we don't need to be "bodhisattva-minded", we have to learn to be brave enough to say "no" to such things, and learn to refuse.
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