Is it a crime for a junior high school girl to die tragically on the way to meet her boyfriend secretly? 

Text | Mi Li's mother

I saw a news that made Mi Li's mother heartbroken: a 15-year-old girl in Fujian unfortunately died late at night on her birthday.

After her family celebrated her birthday that day, she received a message from the boy she liked, saying that he wanted to see her. When you meet on your birthday, it is estimated that you are likely to give a gift or a surprise.

The girl is full of anticipation, and of course she wants to see this face.

But her parents have always been against her early love, and will never allow her to date boys outside of school, let alone go out at night.

She didn't dare to go out from the main entrance, so she could only choose to climb through the window of her house, ready to climb in front of the neighbor's house, and then go out.

But on the same day, because she was in a hurry to go out, she wore a pair of slippers, and accidentally slipped her foot, so she fell from the window on the 9th floor and hit the glass canopy of her downstairs neighbor hard.

Her entire body was severed by glass, and the shards of glass penetrated her internal organs, causing her to be extremely seriously injured, and her upper and lower body were almost completely separated.

It's so miserable, when I wrote this text, I can't imagine how heartbroken my parents must be.

The blood flowed directly to the downstairs neighbor, who was frightened in the dark and immediately called the police.

The girl had already lost her vital signs on the spot, and at the same age, she stayed forever on her 15th birthday.

Just celebrated her daughter's birthday, supervising her daughter's parents who can't fall in love, what expectations are placed on her!

The girl's grief-stricken father wants to go up and beat his daughter's boyfriend, but he is pulled away by others.

At this point, it is obvious that it is useless to find the boy to vent his anger, and in fact, the boy cannot be blamed for this incident.

The Romeo and Juliet effect

The more the parents object, the more the young couple wants to be together. There are so many such things.

This kind of situation of loving each other but not being able to ask for it will stimulate people's rebellious psychology and feel that their love is stronger, just like Shakespeare's classic play "Romeo and Juliet", the more feuding they are, the more they can't be together, the more they love earth-shatteringly.

Psychology explains this psychology as the "Romeo and Juliet effect", and the parents of this tragic girl inspired this psychology.

Excessive intervention and obstruction made her feel more and more that she had to love, and she could do more outrageous and rebellious things. Many, many examples are like this, because of the resistance of the outside world, two people will unite as one, be consistent with the outside world, and the object of contradiction is the same.

Often there is no opposition from the outside world, and it is easy for two people to point the finger at each other, so that they can find each other's problems faster and make decisions in time from a rational level.

For example, when two people fall in love, one parent has long found out that the other party is not a good match for their child and tries their best to obstruct it. The more obstructed, the more I found that the two children were stronger than Jin and difficult to separate.

In the end, in order to gamble with his family, he did not hesitate to run away from home and steal the household registration book to get married. But too many facts have proved that those marriages that ignore the opposition of their parents are not doing well.

In fact, if the parents did not try their best to obstruct it at that time, but gave the children some time to find problems in getting along, the outcome might have been different.

Because of the love that breaks through many obstacles and does not hesitate to break with the family and go to the mountains and seas, it is actually easy to move yourself. But when you wake up from the dream, you have entered the marriage, and you turn your eyes back to your partner to find out the other person's problems, it is too late.

Of course, it doesn't matter if you choose the wrong person, as long as we live, we still have the opportunity to correct our mistakes. But like this 15-year-old girl, she paid with her life, and everything was over, there was no chance.

This also makes Mi Li's mother especially want to discuss with you about the problem of early love, education has its scale. For early love, it must not be hard.

Times are different, when we were young, early love was seen as a flood beast. After so many years, there should be a way to deal with early love that is more in line with the psychology of modern children.

If we blindly curb it, it is tantamount to suppressing human nature, which is likely to cause even worse consequences.

Guidance requires wisdom

In fact, most junior high school students don't really fall in love, they just write love letters, walk together, and imitate adults in love.

Therefore, for the problem of early love in junior high school children, there is no need to go online.

Many times, that subtle crush, unspeakable girl's heart, will disappear like a season of rainy season, on a dull day when the sun rises.

Isn't that what youth is all about? It's not that we haven't experienced it, why is it reasonable in ourselves, but when we change it to our children, we become a beast of prey?

Of course, the kind of love that affects learning, or the kind of love that our children suddenly fall in love with the "ghost fire yellow hair" in society, then we must not take it lightly, but even so, we can't be hard, we have to outwit.

I have seen an education expert tell the story of her daughter's early love, and Mi Li's mother thinks it is really too wise.

After learning that her daughter was in early love, she did not deliberately prohibit it, nor did she support it too much, but she secretly poked and poked what she wanted to say into a life event.

She took her daughter to buy clothes, and when she entered the first store, she asked her daughter to buy them.

The daughter hesitated and chose two pieces, thinking that she could buy them or not.

She insisted, "Buy." ”

The daughter was very puzzled and asked, "Mom, why do you have to let me buy it?" We just looked at the first store, and there are many shops on this street. ”

"Why?" she asked.

The daughter said, "More choices." ”

At this time, she said:

"Finding a partner is the same as buying clothes, don't go into the first store and choose, junior high school is the first store, and it's a small store. You're only in your 10s, and your life hasn't really started yet, so how can you decide to live for life? You like to have a mom supporting you, but you have to remember that you can still meet many, many stores, and many, many choices. ”

The daughter suddenly realized: "Ah, Mom, it turns out that you mean this, I know." ”

Not only for the problem of puppy love, but any skill in education should be guided rather than preached.

Because children's perspectives and experiences are different from ours, their understanding of the world cannot be the same as ours. However, they have developed an independent personality, and naturally trust what they see and what they make judgments.

Therefore, what we need to do is not to tell them right and wrong, but to guide them to think about the answers we want through their own logical thinking.

Therefore, education is really about integrating wisdom, and brute force is often thankless, and the consequences may go to the opposite of what you expect.

Early love can also have a good match

Mi Li's mother herself has never regarded early love as a flood beast, because in my memory, Mi Li's grandmother is also like this.

In fact, I think that when I was in middle school, my grandmother was very supportive, and she was like my best friend.

When I was a child, other people's parents strictly forbade their children to fall in love, and they stared at them every day, eager to talk to their children. My family is different, and Grandma Mi Li and I have nothing to talk about. There are few secrets.

When I was a freshman in high school, I was 16 years old and fell in love with the president of the experimental class next door. I was living on campus at the time, and my grandmother came to pick me up every Friday. One Friday, sitting in Grandma Mi Li's car, I pointed out my little boyfriend to her, but I didn't expect her to be indignant for me, because she didn't think she was handsome at all.

But I said, I can't stand his talent! In addition to the president of the experimental class and the first in the grade, this guy is also the captain of the dance team, the president of the guitar club, the president of the student union, and the first and second prize in the national science competition...

So, I held hands with my Xueshen boyfriend and counterattacked myself into half a top student, and in the final exam of the first year of high school, I directly counterattacked and became the second in the grade.

As a "beneficiary", after becoming a mother, my attitude towards early love is too welcome, and I hope to tell Mi Li as soon as possible:

Never hurt a girl, cherish your girl, always pay the bill, send her downstairs and wait for her light to turn on before leaving, quietly help her buy erasers, sharpen pencils...

Youth can't just be a sea of questions, football, and chasing and fighting with friends!

It's a pity, according to the IQ of rice grains, when he opens up, I really need to wait a little longer.

I also explained to him in advance about his attitude towards girls.

As for the need to give full protection and love, Mi Li is half-aware and willing to listen, but he is very hesitant when it comes to paying the bill and buying things.

But please rest assured that my future daughter-in-law and in-laws are working hard to train me!

In fact, in the Haidian chicken baby circle, there is a term: scientific early love.

In a very, very famous middle school in Haidian, there are two junior high school students who are in early love, and the teacher invites the parents, but the parents of both sides are pleasing to the eye, and directly say, teacher, don't interfere, as long as you don't delay your studies.

Even, some parents will walk around like relatives during the New Year's holidays, and they will have an extra copy of the New Year's money.

It's really not unreasonable to think about it, both of my children are in Haidian Niu School, and there is a high probability that the basic ability and the economic strength of the family will not be too far apart.

In the future, it is very likely that each other will become each other's driving force, you Tsinghua University, I Peking University, hand in hand to enter the elite circle.

And the feelings of the student days are the purest, and they have not yet entered the society, the children's childhood sweethearts' love is still a strong alliance between school tyrants, which is simply the setting of an idol drama into reality.

In fact, when children reach adolescence, rebellion is particularly prone to appear.

What an excellent young couple says is 10,000 times more effective than his parents, and even the same point of view comes out of the mouth of his boyfriend and girlfriend, and they take it as the truth, and when his parents say it, they are biased to do it.

So it's really not necessary for a child to fall in love with you early as soon as you are like a great enemy, and you will mess up first. Let's not say that children can look at early love rationally through guidance, take a good look at the people your child likes, maybe you will find that the child is better than the vision of the person you chose back then.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.