After watching the video of Dong Yuhui being embarrassed by a rebellious child, I decided to treat my adolescent daughter as a "comrade-in-arms"

Author: Mu Qingye, the main creative group

Seeing a video of Dong Yuhui, I was quite touched.

In his first class at New Oriental, for some reason, the students' rebellious mood was very serious, and as soon as he entered the classroom, the students made all kinds of noise to "embarras" him.

A girl in the first row kept throwing books on the desk, and her hands were tired, so she coughed loudly.

When he saw this scene, Dong Yuhui said that at that time, he knew that the easiest way was to say directly to the girl: "Fall out again." He said he also believed that even if parents were called, they would be on his side.

This method is the easiest and fastest way to solve the problem of rebellion in children, and from a moral point of view, as a teacher, he has not done anything wrong at all, but is educating children for the sake of their good.

However, he did not choose to do so.

Because he felt that the children just had a strong anger to express, he was worried that he would treat them in a rough way with a little rebellion at the moment, which would make the children really rebellious. And he was also worried that the student would cough if he was really sick.

So, he helped the girl make a cup of medicine and said, "I just want you to be in good health." ”

Later, the rest of the class became quiet.

He said a sentence at the end of the video, which made me, an old mother with adolescent children at home and who live every day, very emotional:

"I have 10,000 reasons to be angry and criticize with a bad attitude, but the more reasons I have, the more I can't do it. Because I can't stand on the moral high ground and blame a young man who doesn't know how to express his emotions. ”

As he said, love and warmth are the best ways to influence children's rebellion.

It is also written in "Reconciling with Adolescence": "Adolescence is a special period, but it is not destined to be a difficult period, it has a positive, guided, and controllable aspect. ”

How we treat our children, they will give back to us.

Adolescent rebellion is the norm, and guiding children through rebellion smoothly is the practice.

You really don't need to be too competitive with adolescent children.

Communicate equally and relaxedly

I read an article before, in which a mother mentioned that parents and adolescent children can live as each other's "comrades-in-arms", through equal communication, work for a common goal, and become each other's spiritual strength to grow together.

The mother said that in order to establish a "comradeship" with her daughter, she first created an "exclusive time" with her adolescent daughter.

During this time, she and her daughter are usually on their way home, and they will relax with each other during this time to share some daily routines in life, study, and work.

The daughter will talk to her mother about her feelings about music, and the mother will talk to her daughter about some popular street stall literature.

When we talk about the rise, we will also discuss how to spend money, what is the universe like, and what is the ideal state of marriage?

She said that when her daughter was young, the communication between her and her daughter was more of a state of pandering, and she would always communicate with her daughter as an adult.

But when her daughter grew up, she began to try to communicate with her daughter in this equal way, and she found that the way of communication had changed, and her relationship with her daughter became more and more relaxed, and there were many little secrets that belonged to them in common.

If you treat your children as "comrades-in-arms", you will know each other better.

When the posture of communication is lowered from the state of "ordering" from above, we can look at the child with an equal eye, and we will also find that there are many details of the child's growth that we have overlooked.

Moreover, this kind of equal communication can also allow us to discover the hidden emotions of adolescent children in time.

Liu Chenglian, the author of "Accompanying Children Through Three Years of High School", once shared that she used "mailboxes" and "family diaries" to interact with children at home.

Sometimes, children will write a long letter to their parents and send it to the "mailbox" complaining about the injustice they have received from their parents, and sometimes they will leave a message in the family diary to express their emotions and thoughts about a problem at home.

In this way, they can not only be aware of the various psychological and emotional changes in the process of children's growth during adolescence, but also make timely adjustments to these changes.

Either way, the two stories are actually creating an environment where children can let their guard down, talk freely, and express themselves relaxed.

Our relationship with our children doesn't need to be so strained.

To put it bluntly, behind the equal communication, it is the child who sees the respect and permission of his parents.

A good education is "within a foot".

When the atmosphere of communication is relaxed, the door of the child's heart is opened.

When the door of the child's heart is opened, we can approach them, and the child is willing to listen to what we say.

The ritual of fighting side by side

In the previous article, the mother who proposed to be a "comrade-in-arms" with her child also shared a detail of her and her daughter's establishment of a sense of ritual to fight side by side.

For a while, her daughter's orchestra often trained late.

She waited as late as her daughter rehearsed.

Once, when there was an accident before the competition, she even ran all the way to the school to pick up her daughter.

Talking about these details, she said this:

"I don't have to do a lot of things myself. But along the way in this process, the joys and pains during this period, we have experienced it together, and we will become the person we once stood side by side. ”

Isn't the process of raising a child just to accompany the child all the way to grow up and experience all the way?

Of course, being a "comrade-in-arms" with children is not only to accompany them through every stage of growth.

The most important thing is that on the road of children's growth, we work together with children, and after challenging the goals they encounter, we experience the righteousness of fighting side by side with them.

Seen such a story.

A father can't go home all year round because of work. When his son was in high school, he specifically applied to be transferred back to his neighborhood.

He thought that he had finally been transferred back, and his son should be very happy, and even thought of the picture of his son's father and son's filial piety.

didn't expect his son to be not interested in his return at all, and complained that there was another person in the family to take care of him. The father found many opportunities to chat with his son, but each time they did not break up.

Later, by chance. My son has to help the class make a video of the event, but the technology is limited, and the quality of the video is very worrying.

When his son was so anxious that he scratched his ears and cheeks, his father took the initiative to extend an olive branch, and he and his son participated in the recording and video production of materials. Unexpectedly, it was precisely because of this "cooperation" that the relationship between him and his son successfully "broke the ice".

Treating parent-child getting along as a comradeship is actually a moment of sharing weal and woe and working together with your child for the same goal.

Wu Zhihong once said: "All good things are the product of deep relationships. ”

Adolescent children don't need your company all the time and in all directions.

They only need to experience "emotional resonance" with their parents at some critical times, and accumulate "comradeship" in the deep link, and this is the best state for parents and children to get along.

Each other is the growth of spiritual strength

In the movie "My Neighbor Totoro", there is a scene that particularly impresses me.

Satsuki and her sister Xiaomei followed their father and moved to a house in the countryside.

After moving home, Dad took the sisters to visit their mother, who was hospitalized.

My sister Xiaomei instantly remembered the pile of coal worms she saw in her new home, and she was a little scared and looked at her mother worriedly: "Mom, do you like to live in a haunted house?"

"Of course I like it, I really want to be discharged from the hospital quickly and see what the ghost looks like with you. ”

Mother's answer made Xiaomei completely dispel her fear of her new home, and also made her quickly become friends with the big Totoro when she accidentally broke into their "home".

The mother's attitude towards the unknown is passed on to the child and becomes the child's strength in the face of the next unknown.

Just like the mother in the previous article, there was also a warm little thing between her and the child that passed on their strength to each other.

Once she was in a bad mood, and when her daughter found out, she advised her mother not to be anxious.

When her mother asked why, she said that when she was happy, it would be easier to come up with more ways than when she was anxious.

A simple sentence from the daughter helped her mother break through the underlying method of solving anxiety.

She said that her daughter's words were like a spiritual force, which brought her a lot of changes later.

For example, later, once she accompanied her daughter to a performance, although she was not interested in the performance itself, she did not feel like before, she felt that she was sacrificing herself for the sake of the child and barely accompanied the child.

Instead, I tried, just like what my daughter said when she woke her up before, let go of her anxiety, change her thinking, and turn the matter of accompanying her daughter to the performance into thanking her daughter for taking her to enjoy the performance, and thanking herself for expanding the new boundaries of life.

You see, who said that only parents are the spiritual guides of children, and children can also become the spiritual force of parents.

A good parent-child relationship must be like comrades-in-arms, nourishing each other.

Parents and children can learn from each other and grow together.

Writing this, I feel more and more that good parents really can't stop growing up.

As it is said in The Awakening of Parents: "We should gradually become a father or mother who adapts to the needs of the child." ”

The upper limit of parents' cognition determines the lower limit of their children's growth.

On the premise of not destroying the principles, with adolescent children, use the "comrade-in-arms" style of getting along with them, respect, accept, and allow their changes and differences.

Standing at a higher level of life, giving children tolerance, gratitude and love is the most ideal way for parents to raise their children.