"Don't raise your children too honestly"
The child is disobedient and is afraid that he/she will be unruly when he or she grows up, and the child is too obedient and is afraid that he/she will be bullied in the future.
Recently, I have discovered that this society has begun to become less friendly to honest children.
The one who is always bullied is often the one who doesn't like to make a noise and doesn't like to resist...
In small groups, well-behaved children are often the most inconspicuous ones...
Even the tool people in the workplace were "honest" when they were young...
Therefore, I often hope that the two children in the family are not too honest!
As for why, that's what I want to tell you today!
When facing family members, honesty can indeed be defined as a virtue.
Because he/she listens to whatever the child says, it is really easy for parents to manage.
But from the perspective of detachment from the family, honesty will only make the child suffer...
From the time they go to school, honest children are easy to become the target of teasing by their naughty classmates.
My neighbor's daughter is very quiet, and everyone praises her.
But several times I came back from school crying, and when I asked what was wrong, I was bullied by my classmates:
Her schoolbag was thrown by her classmates at the door of the men's bathroom
The refill of the mechanical pencil was completely broken
The male classmate would deliberately come from behind and pull her underwear belt
When her mother saw me, she complained:
"The first few times the child didn't dare to tell me, the child really can't let her be too honest! ”
As for me, thinking that my children will grow up and leave me to go on their own, I will be more anxious.
In a subway in Nanjing, a middle-aged man asked a 17-year-old boy next to him why he didn't give up his seat to himself after taking the initiative to give up his seat to the old man.
The boy didn't respond, and he kicked him in the chest.
The man in front of him was constantly provocative and violent, and the boy sat there motionless, just silently kicked.
At that time, I really hoped that the plot could be reversed, for example, when the man was arrogant, the child would give him a shadowless foot.
But no, it was the people around him who helped him take it away.
I understand that too many honest and obedient children can't take the step of rebellion at all.
Not just because they are timid, but also because they take the rules too seriously.
Yes, respecting the rules is for sure, and it is everyone's obligation.
But when you are in danger, or the person you are facing is an unruly person, does it make sense to stand where the rules are?
I don't want my child to become a patient bag, I want him/her to be someone who knows how to stand up for himself/her.
Keep a low profile when it's time to be low-key, and make a move when it's time to make a move.
Because no one will thank a child for his kindness,
Recently, I was chasing the drama "Hometown, Don't Come to Harm", and Wu Yun played by Li Xueqin is a typical honest child.
She was admitted to Chengdu from her hometown in the northeast to work and shared a house with other girls.
But her roommate is very out of tune, doesn't clean after cooking, and occupies the toilet for a long time.
Wu Yun turned a blind eye,
The roommate said that she was in a hurry to use the money, but Wu Yun couldn't stand her soft grinding and hard bubbles, and although she wanted to refuse, she still lent her 2,000.
As a result, the next day, the roommate invited a group of friends to come to the house for dinner and drinking, and the beer bottles rolled into Wu Yun's room.
Wu Yun asked her to pay attention, and she shot back directly: "Did I say I won't clean?"
It's like two people who flattered when they borrowed money.
Kindness is definitely divided into objects and occasions, not for everyone.
In the end, Wu Yun's patience reached the limit and had a showdown with her:
"Didn't I accommodate you again and again?"
Patience and sincerity cannot impress those who are not right-hearted.
In the world of crows, swans are all guilty.
Let children be honest people, it is better to teach children how to protect themselves well.
I understand that too many honest and obedient children can't take the step of rebellion at all.
Not just because they are timid, but also because they take the rules too seriously.
When you go to school, you can't have conflicts with your classmates
After going to work, you should build a good relationship with your colleagues and leaders
You have to take care of yourself outside, and you can't make a lot of noise and do things out of line
Reflect on yourself when you encounter problems
Therefore, if you want your child to become no longer submissive, you should actually start from the key point of the problem.
Don't let him/her be overly patient and brave enough to express his or her true feelings and needs.
Obey the rules, but distinguish between the occasion and the object,
What can be done in life to let children gradually fade away from the "too honest" shell and slowly accumulate edge?
Remember to tell your child the following 6 words:
1. Be brave enough to say "no" to people or things you don't like, don't be afraid of rejection, and don't feel embarrassed;
2. It's okay if you're rejected;
3. Whether others like you or not, you have to like yourself;
4. Take care of yourself before taking care of others;
5. Allow the child to talk back;
6. No matter what grievances you have outside, you can share them with your parents.
The child will meet thousands of people in the future, and these people will have strange temperaments and personalities.
While being affirmed and loved, it will also suffer from the "dislike" of some people.
So, don't let the title "honest" kidnap them,
Timid, looking ahead and looking backwards.
Every child has the right to say no to things they don't want to do, to stay away from people.
Of course, this is also a kind of courage to move forward!